Hanging in There

10/28/15 -- Well, it's been awhile - I apologize - I offer no excuses.  I have been occupied with other stuff, I guess.  There have been some changes since the beginning of October and I haven't been overly thrilled with them.  My Boss's fianc'e is living with him now and she hasn't been working.  Her not working means that I am only there is do the 'school' thing then as long as she is still home, I leave.  Leaving early then means that I have been working shortened days and I am not thrilled with that.  Now, she doesn't starts working on Tuesday but it is only part-time which means that I will still be working part-time and/or til school is completed.  Yet, at the same time I do kinda like it because I have the rest of the day to do stuff at home whatever that might be and he is still paying me full time.
       I have been doing pretty decently, however I recently ran across something that has started bothering me.  My outlook is still pretty decent but this thing has shaken me, a little.  I have been granted access to a long time friend's Facebook page so that I could see things on my son's page that I can't see thru my own due to him unfriending me.  So, I have been periodically checking his page out along with my daughter in-law's and I ran across some pictures with her mom in them, and that is what has been bothering me here recently.  The reason that this has been bothering me is because I should be there,  too.   I really, really need to be with my granddaughters, not to mention my son! 😂  My little granddaughter's birthday is coming up and I won't get the opportunity to be there!
     To top it all off I have three days off this week that started yesterday thru tomorrow because of the school system that my boss is having virtual schooling done thru is off because of parent/teacher conferences plus something else that they just added this year a his fiancé is going to be home, so there is no point for me to be there.  Now, on the one hand I don't mind the days off but having a short paycheck isn't something that I was planning on, budget wise.  On the other hand I don't like it because there is way too much time to think/dwell on stuff that I don't like and don't want to dwell on, that is so not a good thing!  There is something else, tho, and that is;  I have an appointment with my Counselor, this evening.  There is something to be said about the timing of this appointment.  He is very skilled at pressing me on things that he wants me to talk about and/or explain.  He is also skilled at reading my expressions and expressions within expressions.

Retreat Weekend

10/14/15 -- So, there is a lot to catch you all up on.  Some things have changed a smidgen, which has challenged me and I have not been blogging has much.  I will get back in the swing of that, now. (I hope)

    My left ankle finally recovered enough to allow for pretty normal walking and a whole lot less pain, to which I am very grateful for.

    The weekend of my local church Women's Retreat was good.  I was able to go due to some last minute application of the last half of the money needed to pay for my "entry fee".  I was able to room with the same 3 people as last year plus one new person.  I rode to the Retreat with one of the speakers, someone that I have started to get to know.  This woman is the wife of a pastor that is called a 'church planter', they have 'planted' a number of churches in different countries and now they are here in my town 'planting' a church. 

    I was actually able to enjoy the retreat much better than last year, when I went.  Last year I was so miserable that I couldn't enjoy/hear the speakers on Saturday whereas this year I was.  I did end up with a headache that caused me to miss 'free time' but that was fine, I slept which seemed to help along with taking Imitrex in the morning.  I ended up talk with my apt. assistant manager about some stuff, so we missed the afternoon session.  That really wasn't a big deal because that is also what the retreat is about; the ability to talk with and get 'ministered to' when and if needed.  This time I remembered earplugs so I would be able to sleep even with all the noise when people come into the room late after they have had some longer fun than me.  The time that I am accustomed to getting up in the morning and going to bed at night makes it sort of difficult to stay up too late.

  I will tell you that not having a constant, overpowering the meds, headache was very nice because it meant a lot more enjoyment out of the Retreat compared to last year.   This year we were given a clay bowel made by one of the Retreat coordinators, a prayer journal, and a little prayer booklet.  The prayer booklet was really good, I used it during my devotion time on Saturday morning.  There are two chapters in that book {2 little prayers} that really stuck out to me and were 'hitting the nail right on the head' as far a what I haven't been able to pray let alone do concerning the situation with my son and the whole reason that I have been depressed for so long.  I was actually able to prayer those two little prayers and pray from the heart exactly what was printed on the paper, I did tweak it a little to make them fit my situation/personality but essentially they fit perfectly.  I was so relieved and actually felt like a whole burden or cloud was lifted off me.

  Ever since the Retreat, I have felt better, finally get to the place where I am carrying about stuff like the cleanliness of my apartment. Not that it was filthy or anything but it just needed to be much cleaner, the way that I really would like it to be and it should be.  I was even able to get a menu planned out so that I could actually, effectively go to the grocery store.   I finally went to the grocery store and bought ingredients that I could use for a couple of things that I have been craving: meatloaf, homemade chicken noodle soup w/homemade noodles that I make, french toast that I made a casserole version of, and a egg/sausage bowl.  All of which is very yummy - haven't even been bored with any of it.  Ran out of the homemade chicken noodle soup so I have to kind of wing it for the last couple of days.
  I am so thankful that I am feeling somewhat better, I feel like I am on the path upwards out of this funk that I have been in for a long, long time.