2/26/17 -- Recently a family that I have been quite close to was finally able to move closer to where the "church" they are starting is located. So, this family has moved from across the highway from to about an hour or so farther away.
I get the sense from a conversation I recently had with the mom, that adjustment would be made more difficult if I were to bring one of their daughters back for a weekend with me, at least this soon after their getting settled. Also, her daughter is growing up into a beautiful young almost teen so there are moods and attitudes that come with growing up young girls.
Not only that but this mom is carrying 2, yes, twin boys and she wants to carry them as close to full term as possible so the less she has to worry about the better and she isn't driving much anymore, due to her size and having to be careful. She is cool with me coming to visit but beyond that nothing, which is fine, I would rather visit especially when I know that I will be able to visit after she has the twin boys. Although, I hope to visit before that, of course.
The thing is; this is an adjustment for me too. I am so used to having them so close to me now I have to get used to not having them close. I miss them. Not to mention the fact that I don't have a job which this would be the perfect time to move, move to where, good question. I have considered moving an hour east of me, where other people that i know either are living or will be moving to. I really have nothing in this current location to hold me here. My son is 3 hours northwest of me so, now what? There is the prospect of marriage but I am not too sure that will happen, unless something more dramatic happens between this man and me.
This man, my man, I gotta be honest: right now I am not sure where I stand with him. To me talk is cheap, after the length of time we have been "together". Things progressed kinda quickly when we first met but sure seem to have dramatically slowed down. His excuse/reason is work, he claims that he has been working many Sundays in a row which means that he is putting in 60+ hours at work. That is something that I have a hard time completely believing given the industry that he is in. He is in the financial industry and that is all I know. I am having a difficult time completely believing that he really does work all those hours, but because I don't live closer to him, its hard to really see what's going on. I feel like I am riding a thin line of being suspicious and not being suspicious and I don't know where I really fall.
Then there is my son; I haven't heard a peep from him since that last comment about the packer game, they barely pulled out in a win. So, I am still waiting to see when he will be ready for moving on towards reconciliation. He said that he was ready to figure out how to do it but I have given him a number of ideas as to how we can get started but he hasn't responded to any of my ideas. I do know that I also have to wait for his wife to be ready, too. This waiting is driving me nuts!!!! I just want my family back and waiting and not hearing is just crazy!!!!! I know, I know I can't do or say anything to push him to do faster than he is because I don't want to push him away. So, waiting is what I have to do. That's not to say that I am not sending him occasional messages, letting him know that I am still interested in reconciliation.
This "not working" is something that I don't like. However, something that I have learned is that "nothing happens by accident" where God is concerned. Meaning that He knew that I would be done working where He had me and that I wouldn't be working for whatever length of time that I am in this transition period. Now, I seriously have to wait for Him to bring me to the place where the job is that He has for me. In the meantime, there are bills that need paid and I have no idea how they are going to get paid, only He does. This is the part of the "test" that I tend to fail because I don't wait for Him to provide, I usually manage to take charge by asking for money from my mom. Now, she did help me with making sure that I have rent money but the rest I don't know about. I really have to trust in God, on this.
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Catch up
2/22/17 -- Sorry that it's been a while for the update but I have been sick and not really feeling good enough to wanna be on the computer. Today is the first day in almost a week that I have felt good enough to finally get on the computer and type. I have had such a head cold that has made it difficult to breathe thru my nose. All I have wanted to do is sleep, pretty much.
Anyway; one update that is needed is that I ended up not having that biopsy - thank God - when the GYN took another look he decided that it wasn't necessary and that a cream might be more helpful and it would relieve the itching. So he prescribed the steroid cream and told me how to be careful putting it on and to use it only 2 weeks and after a couple of days putting it on 2x a day; to go down to 1x a day. Apparently, this cream is the strongest that is legal in the U.S. which means that it can burn the skin if over used or used in the wrong place. I have to see him again next week for a recheck and if necessary the biopsy would happen then. I don't think that a biopsy will be necessary because I can tell that it is getting better, the cream seems to be taking care of the itching and the spot as well. That is an awesome thing because I wasn't looking forward to having a cut in that particular area.
I am still jobless but I have still put out some "feelers" for a cleaning job and/or childcare. I am also having issues with my man. I gotta admit that I have been having issues with the lack of true communication and true attempts at coming to see me. It has been months since we have seen each other and it doesn't seem like he really want to see me. Plus, the lack of communication is something that I also struggle with.
I went to see my counselor, yesterday and it felt nice to be able to get stuff off my chest. She echoed the same type of concern that a real close friend, communicated in the email that I just read before I started this blog. I felt like I needed to see her (my counselor) because of the way things fell at my job. I have mixed feelings concerning not working with that family, anymore. You see, I love children and when one of them wants to come home with me, it just about breaks my heart. I am glad tho, that I am not working there any more because her mental state was beginning to wear on mine. It was difficult because I never really knew what I was going to walk into concerning the children. You know, whether they were clothed, fed, or not, or what. For me that was difficult because I just can't fathom a mother who doesn't make sure that their children aren't dress, fed, bathed when they should be and all that. This young mom just can't handle the daily life of an adult let alone one with children and that is sad. She tried and there were plenty of days that she was successful but plenty of days where she would slack off.
To get back to the topic of my man: I don't even know what to say in respect to that, at this point in time. I did finally message him letting him know that I am not happy with the way things have been and my feelings on the lack of demonstrative ways that he needs to show me that he is truly interested in a relationship with me; and that if is he isn't then to tell me so I know and to stop keeping me in limbo. Then I also messaged that his silence has been speaking volumes...... I did finally get a response to that, last night, but the conversation was short. He does want a relationship but really hasn't elaborated on how this is going to work. He did say that he has been working on Sundays which he never mentioned before. I questioned as to why he just didn't let me know that instead of leaving me wonder things..... but I didn't get a response. So I still don't know, believe me I am not ignoring the "red flags" this time around. Thankfully, I haven't invested a whole bunch emotionally in this man just because of the "not knowing" and the distance. So, if it ends I won't be all that broken about it; yes it will sting but I won't be "set back" emotionally to a bad place.
Anyway; one update that is needed is that I ended up not having that biopsy - thank God - when the GYN took another look he decided that it wasn't necessary and that a cream might be more helpful and it would relieve the itching. So he prescribed the steroid cream and told me how to be careful putting it on and to use it only 2 weeks and after a couple of days putting it on 2x a day; to go down to 1x a day. Apparently, this cream is the strongest that is legal in the U.S. which means that it can burn the skin if over used or used in the wrong place. I have to see him again next week for a recheck and if necessary the biopsy would happen then. I don't think that a biopsy will be necessary because I can tell that it is getting better, the cream seems to be taking care of the itching and the spot as well. That is an awesome thing because I wasn't looking forward to having a cut in that particular area.
I am still jobless but I have still put out some "feelers" for a cleaning job and/or childcare. I am also having issues with my man. I gotta admit that I have been having issues with the lack of true communication and true attempts at coming to see me. It has been months since we have seen each other and it doesn't seem like he really want to see me. Plus, the lack of communication is something that I also struggle with.
I went to see my counselor, yesterday and it felt nice to be able to get stuff off my chest. She echoed the same type of concern that a real close friend, communicated in the email that I just read before I started this blog. I felt like I needed to see her (my counselor) because of the way things fell at my job. I have mixed feelings concerning not working with that family, anymore. You see, I love children and when one of them wants to come home with me, it just about breaks my heart. I am glad tho, that I am not working there any more because her mental state was beginning to wear on mine. It was difficult because I never really knew what I was going to walk into concerning the children. You know, whether they were clothed, fed, or not, or what. For me that was difficult because I just can't fathom a mother who doesn't make sure that their children aren't dress, fed, bathed when they should be and all that. This young mom just can't handle the daily life of an adult let alone one with children and that is sad. She tried and there were plenty of days that she was successful but plenty of days where she would slack off.
To get back to the topic of my man: I don't even know what to say in respect to that, at this point in time. I did finally message him letting him know that I am not happy with the way things have been and my feelings on the lack of demonstrative ways that he needs to show me that he is truly interested in a relationship with me; and that if is he isn't then to tell me so I know and to stop keeping me in limbo. Then I also messaged that his silence has been speaking volumes...... I did finally get a response to that, last night, but the conversation was short. He does want a relationship but really hasn't elaborated on how this is going to work. He did say that he has been working on Sundays which he never mentioned before. I questioned as to why he just didn't let me know that instead of leaving me wonder things..... but I didn't get a response. So I still don't know, believe me I am not ignoring the "red flags" this time around. Thankfully, I haven't invested a whole bunch emotionally in this man just because of the "not knowing" and the distance. So, if it ends I won't be all that broken about it; yes it will sting but I won't be "set back" emotionally to a bad place.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Hanging in There
2/15/17 -- I am still plugging along in this only second day of no job. I also still have yet to be paid for the one day this week. Being left in limbo really super duper sucks but I guess I will be just fine because I do have stuff around my home that I can and have been doing.
I also know that God has this under His perfect control so worry is something that I shouldn't do and am trying no to do. I do have to keep myself busy both in my mind and my hands so as to not worry or get bored.
There is something else that is weighing a bit on my mind; that is tomorrow I have to have biopsy of a "spot" in a very sensitive area that really hasn't gone away. This particular spot became blistered a couple of weeks ago, and was very sensitive but by the time I got in to see the Dr. the "blister popped" and he was thinking is should heal just fine but...after a couple of weeks it is still there, hence the concern and the biopsy. I am unclear what he is expecting to find or what he is speculating that it could be but I will inquire, tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it because of the sensitiveness of the area there will be pain and more sensitive than it is now.
I tell you something; I don't know if this because of my age, or what, I have issues going on really are such a pain in the rear. I have issues to with my left ankle (that can't be repaired unless the pain gets too bad), then there is the pain in my right foot by the big toe which is more inflammation of which I have been taking Aleve for til it finally isn't causing pain for long term standing and such. I also could use an Chiropractic adjustment but can't afford it. Altho, I know that the current insurance I have would cover a chiro adjustment but I also know that most chiropractors don't have the same techniques as the one that I normally go to.
I need to admit that I am kinda glad that I don't have to go to work because the mental state that this young woman deals with was wearing on me. I am almost 3 years out from the darkest time in my life and I have zero desire to back there. I have come such a long way and I don't want anything to get in the way of my further recovery. The one thing that I don't I can say is that I am a depression survivor - and successfully avoided committing suicide. I just wonder if there will ever be a time when I don't feel like I have to protect myself from the people that I deal with who I know are dealing with mental illness. I know that while I was working for and with this young woman, I was always in protective mode, I never allowed her to get too close to me, in any way shape or form. When I saw her this past Monday, when she returned from the psychiatric ward, she was definitely on her "happy pill" I am guessing that it was her new meds. To be honest it kinda scares me so I am sort of glad that i am not working with them anymore. I have no idea when I will again but I know that I can't wait til I get that text or call. I also know that I will be dealing with her man so that she doesn't have to be concerned with any of that type of daily stuff. She just can't seem to handle much of daily adult life and responsibilities, which isn't a good thing. She wasn't equipped when she was little, her family life was hard and for some reason it has effected her mentally, not to mention there is a family history of mental illness which doesn't help. I know that I don't get the whole story from her mom as far as how she grew up but regardless this mental illness won't be fixed overnight and I really hope that her man understands that. According to her mom this has been going on for years. Her mom makes it sound like that it's her man's fault but I disagree.
I don't care this young woman needs all the help she can get and her man, I believe is doing the right thing by wanting to make the necessary changes so that he can be home more with her and their boys because those boys need him since they don't seem to get the love they look for from her. Those boys are who I am concerned about that is why it is a good thing that their dad hasn't walked out and is willing to adjust his work life to accommodate being home more for them. There aren't too many men out there that would be willing to do the things that he has been willing to put up with and to do for his family. You see this couple aren't married that is why it is amazing that this man isn't giving up on his boys and want to try to rekindle the relationship with her.
I must reiterate that mental illness is nothing to mess with. Please make sure that if you are struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, hearing voices, and any other symptoms associated with depression, get help!!!!! I can't say that strong enough because getting the help you need is the hardest this to do because then you have to admit that you have a problem but that is the best thing for you to do. Please don't be concerned about what others may or may not be thinking about you because it doesn't matter; what matters is that you get help so that you can get better. You can recover from depression, you can get on an even keel from bipolar and any other mental illness so long as you take your meds. (yes sometimes meds are just fine, they sometimes are needed) and do what your counselor, physiatrist tell you do to. Also, please remember that any recovery is just as dependent on what you do when you aren't in with your counselor. The hardest thing to do is to get help but its the best thing. Suicide isn't the way out that you think it is - you leave people behind that mourn for you and don't understand what happened. Please talk to someone, even if you don't talk to family or friends talk to your doctor. That is what I did, I talked to my doctor who pointed me in the right direction for the help that I needed.
I also know that God has this under His perfect control so worry is something that I shouldn't do and am trying no to do. I do have to keep myself busy both in my mind and my hands so as to not worry or get bored.
There is something else that is weighing a bit on my mind; that is tomorrow I have to have biopsy of a "spot" in a very sensitive area that really hasn't gone away. This particular spot became blistered a couple of weeks ago, and was very sensitive but by the time I got in to see the Dr. the "blister popped" and he was thinking is should heal just fine but...after a couple of weeks it is still there, hence the concern and the biopsy. I am unclear what he is expecting to find or what he is speculating that it could be but I will inquire, tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it because of the sensitiveness of the area there will be pain and more sensitive than it is now.
I tell you something; I don't know if this because of my age, or what, I have issues going on really are such a pain in the rear. I have issues to with my left ankle (that can't be repaired unless the pain gets too bad), then there is the pain in my right foot by the big toe which is more inflammation of which I have been taking Aleve for til it finally isn't causing pain for long term standing and such. I also could use an Chiropractic adjustment but can't afford it. Altho, I know that the current insurance I have would cover a chiro adjustment but I also know that most chiropractors don't have the same techniques as the one that I normally go to.
I need to admit that I am kinda glad that I don't have to go to work because the mental state that this young woman deals with was wearing on me. I am almost 3 years out from the darkest time in my life and I have zero desire to back there. I have come such a long way and I don't want anything to get in the way of my further recovery. The one thing that I don't I can say is that I am a depression survivor - and successfully avoided committing suicide. I just wonder if there will ever be a time when I don't feel like I have to protect myself from the people that I deal with who I know are dealing with mental illness. I know that while I was working for and with this young woman, I was always in protective mode, I never allowed her to get too close to me, in any way shape or form. When I saw her this past Monday, when she returned from the psychiatric ward, she was definitely on her "happy pill" I am guessing that it was her new meds. To be honest it kinda scares me so I am sort of glad that i am not working with them anymore. I have no idea when I will again but I know that I can't wait til I get that text or call. I also know that I will be dealing with her man so that she doesn't have to be concerned with any of that type of daily stuff. She just can't seem to handle much of daily adult life and responsibilities, which isn't a good thing. She wasn't equipped when she was little, her family life was hard and for some reason it has effected her mentally, not to mention there is a family history of mental illness which doesn't help. I know that I don't get the whole story from her mom as far as how she grew up but regardless this mental illness won't be fixed overnight and I really hope that her man understands that. According to her mom this has been going on for years. Her mom makes it sound like that it's her man's fault but I disagree.
I don't care this young woman needs all the help she can get and her man, I believe is doing the right thing by wanting to make the necessary changes so that he can be home more with her and their boys because those boys need him since they don't seem to get the love they look for from her. Those boys are who I am concerned about that is why it is a good thing that their dad hasn't walked out and is willing to adjust his work life to accommodate being home more for them. There aren't too many men out there that would be willing to do the things that he has been willing to put up with and to do for his family. You see this couple aren't married that is why it is amazing that this man isn't giving up on his boys and want to try to rekindle the relationship with her.
I must reiterate that mental illness is nothing to mess with. Please make sure that if you are struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide, hearing voices, and any other symptoms associated with depression, get help!!!!! I can't say that strong enough because getting the help you need is the hardest this to do because then you have to admit that you have a problem but that is the best thing for you to do. Please don't be concerned about what others may or may not be thinking about you because it doesn't matter; what matters is that you get help so that you can get better. You can recover from depression, you can get on an even keel from bipolar and any other mental illness so long as you take your meds. (yes sometimes meds are just fine, they sometimes are needed) and do what your counselor, physiatrist tell you do to. Also, please remember that any recovery is just as dependent on what you do when you aren't in with your counselor. The hardest thing to do is to get help but its the best thing. Suicide isn't the way out that you think it is - you leave people behind that mourn for you and don't understand what happened. Please talk to someone, even if you don't talk to family or friends talk to your doctor. That is what I did, I talked to my doctor who pointed me in the right direction for the help that I needed.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Zeroing In
2/14/17 -- I want to elaborate a little bit concerning what happened at work on Friday. The only reason I do is because for some reason, it has effected me in a way that I hadn't expected.
I want to reiterate that mental illness is something that shouldn't be messed with or underestimated. By messed with I mean; please get the physiatric help that you need and please, please always take your medications. Never stop the meds just because you feel better, believe me you feel better on your meds than when your off them.
This young woman's illness is actually in two phases-bipolar and schizophrenia. I have encountered the different personalities that she seems to have but only the one that seems to make more out of something that isn't there or out of a conversation that her and her man have had. She has a violent personality that I haven't ever confronted, only her man has. However, I am still thinking that she should stay in for longer than 72 hours. Anyway, she had returned from a counseling session with a counselor and proceeded to unload a lot of junk on me that actually turned out to be lies. Although I am not positive that she knew she was lying. I don't mind that she talks to me but I really prefer to have all the facts and not just the ones that you zero in on as your point of contention and haven't said anything to your man or significant other. Anyway, she became quite emotional as she was talking. She went upstairs for a short amount of time, came back down and said that she wanted to commit suicide, now of course, that isn 't an option, not while I am there and can stop it. She did say that she wanted to go to the hospital. That whole day had quite an impact on me, not sure why other than because I have been dealing with mental illness for the last two years and have finally come out on the super good side of it, thank God. Yet, dealing with hers as caused me to put up a guard to make sure that none of the crap that she is dealing with doesn't somehow rub off on me because I have no interest in going back to that dark place. I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit within me protected me and gave a "check" concerning her. There was something about her that I just couldn't peg, now I can of course, therefore I never really let her get to close to me. I counted her as a friend but not the same as she counted me. She really counted me as a close friend but I then don't get why play the mind games other than to get the support for "her side" when it comes to her illness and her man. However after a long conversation with her man, I have a much better picture of her. Not sure about a clear picture of him but if her I do. I now know that I need to pry a little more and find more about the conversations she has had with her man, before giving any sort of advice.
After all that transpired that day I was in an emotional "freak out" mode, sort of-not sure how else to explain it. I went to talk to the pastor and his wife of the church that I attend: after which I felt much better. Not completely overcoming all my feelings of anger and sadness because I don't understand the why but I am better ok with it.
Ups and Downs
2/14/17 -- I really despise it when there are things in this life that attempt to drag you down!
Over the last couple of weeks things have been a roller coaster where I work. The young woman is mentally unstable and has had a very difficult couple of weeks, that ultimately culminated in her getting admitted to the psychiatric ward, at a major city hospital about an hour away. However, she apparently "woke up" to realize that she really didn't want to go but she had already said the word "suicide" and therefore the steps couldn't be stopped. She spent 72 hours in the psych ward and came home yesterday. Now, her man has had to make some decisions concerning his job so that he can be home more with her and the boys. That means that I will no long be working for them on a consistent basis. He says that he wants me to be available to watch the boys whenever they decide they want to go out, during the day. What he doesn't seem to realize is that I can't "hang" in limbo like that; never knowing when or if I will get a call. Now, I am on the hunt for a new job. I am going to have to completely make a break from them, or just get a couple of cleaning jobs that will give me the same amount, if not more so that I can survive.
I can't help but think that the timing of this wouldn't be a good time to make a move in the location of my place of residence. The problem with that is, I haven't got a clue where to go. Regardless of where I go I need a job and a place to live. I just don't have a clear direction as to where to go. As far as my relationship, I feel like it has stagnated and that I am "second fiddle" to his job. It really sucks that he just can't seem to be able to make the time to come to see me. Also, I have asked for his address so that I can send a card or something but he has either ignored or hasn't seen the requests, I don't know. Now, He told me that he lost his phone, I am not sure when that happened but I think that is was sometime during the day yesterday because I hadn't heard from him accept at 4:15am when he got up, then last night at about 9:20pmish which actually surprised me because he usually isn't home til after 10pm.
Over the week, mainly on Saturday, I help my close friends get pack up so that when the movers (mutual friend) came there would be more stuff all packed up. I had started getting more packed up on Thursday, the day after they had found a house to rent which was the perfect timing because they have to be out of their house this Friday. The couple that is still in the house, they are getting their stuff out now, but they allowed my friends to move their stuff into their garage. The nice thing is, my friends had already packed up a bunch of stuff into two trailers that had been sitting in their driveway since last early spring. After I had been at the house about 4 hours or so I was ready to leave. I love helping them but by that time there was plenty of people there and my feet were seriously talking to me, so to speak. I have been having issues with my right foot and after standing too long it begins to hurt so I took my leave and took care of some other errands.
I have other friends that will also be moving about an hour east of where I live, which has given me the unsettled feeling that it may also be time for me to leave this town. I have been the my current apartment for 6 years and that is the longest that I have ever been in one place. My normal (don't know why) is 3 years. I also found out that my neighbor and friend for a long time, is moving back to her hometown which is 3 hours north of here, which makes me even more sad and unsettled. The problem I have is no clear direction from the Lord, as to which where to I go? By which where, I mean, there are 3 different places I could go ( that I know of): 1 is closer to where my son and his family is - the catch there is we haven't reconciled yet and I would like for that to happen before I move close to them. 2-to the same city where I could and would be closer to be able to be of help to my friends, both of which will be having their "church plants" located, but not that close to together. 3-get married and live with my "husband" which is 3 hours too the east of here. Of course there is a 4th option and that is one that God has and hasn't disclosed to me yet.
The great thing is that I am not afraid of change, as a matter of fact I am ready for a change regardless if that mean that I have to move. I did say that I didn't want to move again unless it was to get married. I hadn't taken into account what God may want me to do at the time I made that statement. Therefore, I will go wherever He wants me to go to be the best servant for him.
Over the last couple of weeks things have been a roller coaster where I work. The young woman is mentally unstable and has had a very difficult couple of weeks, that ultimately culminated in her getting admitted to the psychiatric ward, at a major city hospital about an hour away. However, she apparently "woke up" to realize that she really didn't want to go but she had already said the word "suicide" and therefore the steps couldn't be stopped. She spent 72 hours in the psych ward and came home yesterday. Now, her man has had to make some decisions concerning his job so that he can be home more with her and the boys. That means that I will no long be working for them on a consistent basis. He says that he wants me to be available to watch the boys whenever they decide they want to go out, during the day. What he doesn't seem to realize is that I can't "hang" in limbo like that; never knowing when or if I will get a call. Now, I am on the hunt for a new job. I am going to have to completely make a break from them, or just get a couple of cleaning jobs that will give me the same amount, if not more so that I can survive.
I can't help but think that the timing of this wouldn't be a good time to make a move in the location of my place of residence. The problem with that is, I haven't got a clue where to go. Regardless of where I go I need a job and a place to live. I just don't have a clear direction as to where to go. As far as my relationship, I feel like it has stagnated and that I am "second fiddle" to his job. It really sucks that he just can't seem to be able to make the time to come to see me. Also, I have asked for his address so that I can send a card or something but he has either ignored or hasn't seen the requests, I don't know. Now, He told me that he lost his phone, I am not sure when that happened but I think that is was sometime during the day yesterday because I hadn't heard from him accept at 4:15am when he got up, then last night at about 9:20pmish which actually surprised me because he usually isn't home til after 10pm.
Over the week, mainly on Saturday, I help my close friends get pack up so that when the movers (mutual friend) came there would be more stuff all packed up. I had started getting more packed up on Thursday, the day after they had found a house to rent which was the perfect timing because they have to be out of their house this Friday. The couple that is still in the house, they are getting their stuff out now, but they allowed my friends to move their stuff into their garage. The nice thing is, my friends had already packed up a bunch of stuff into two trailers that had been sitting in their driveway since last early spring. After I had been at the house about 4 hours or so I was ready to leave. I love helping them but by that time there was plenty of people there and my feet were seriously talking to me, so to speak. I have been having issues with my right foot and after standing too long it begins to hurt so I took my leave and took care of some other errands.
I have other friends that will also be moving about an hour east of where I live, which has given me the unsettled feeling that it may also be time for me to leave this town. I have been the my current apartment for 6 years and that is the longest that I have ever been in one place. My normal (don't know why) is 3 years. I also found out that my neighbor and friend for a long time, is moving back to her hometown which is 3 hours north of here, which makes me even more sad and unsettled. The problem I have is no clear direction from the Lord, as to which where to I go? By which where, I mean, there are 3 different places I could go ( that I know of): 1 is closer to where my son and his family is - the catch there is we haven't reconciled yet and I would like for that to happen before I move close to them. 2-to the same city where I could and would be closer to be able to be of help to my friends, both of which will be having their "church plants" located, but not that close to together. 3-get married and live with my "husband" which is 3 hours too the east of here. Of course there is a 4th option and that is one that God has and hasn't disclosed to me yet.
The great thing is that I am not afraid of change, as a matter of fact I am ready for a change regardless if that mean that I have to move. I did say that I didn't want to move again unless it was to get married. I hadn't taken into account what God may want me to do at the time I made that statement. Therefore, I will go wherever He wants me to go to be the best servant for him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)