Covid-19

11/15/20 -- Well now, where I live, we are now in the season of switching vehicles from one side of the street to the other on the even and odd days, this continues til midnight of March 31, next year. It has to do with the snow fall and the plows. When the vehicles are all on one side of the street, the other side can be completely cleared, then we are supposed to move them to the cleared side so the plows can then clear the side where the cars were moved from.  If we don't move our cars every day before midnight, we get a ticket for $20, for parking on the wrong side of the street.  As much as, I despise going out in the bitter wintery weather, its good to start the car every day to keep things moving and such, also it is good for me to get outside for the fresh air and a bit of vigorous exercise of clearing the car off and moving it.  Not necessarily my idea of total fun, but it kinda is annoyingly fun.

   Ok, I bet some of you are wondering where I stand or how I feel about this covid-19 illness that is making the rounds.  Well, this is actually the first "pandemic" in my lifetime.  There have been many others in our country's history, measles, smallpox, black plague, and yellow fever. I am sure there are others, I have forgotten, anyway.... There is quite a different in this one and the era we live in.  We, live in a time where travel is quite easy from state to state, city to city, town to town, and even country to country. Back in our history with those other communicable diseases, it took longer to get a neighbors house, let alone a town or city, so the disease was typically contained and often decimated an entire community.  Nowadays, because we have pretty easy access to other towns, cities, states, and countries, diseases like this will travel further and faster.  This is a virus that will morph and change just like the "so called regular flu".  That is why the "flu vaccine" has to be given every year: even then when the vaccines are made, they are guessing on the strains that will pop up each and every season.

  I feel like people haven't ever really taken precautions to slow down the spread of the normal flu, so why would they so anything they are told to slow down this virulent version?  Every winter, there are people that go to work, sick and don't use hand sanitizer on their hands after they have blown their noses, children aren't taught/made to sneeze into their elbows and aren't taught to blow their noses early enough, so they don't run around with noses running and wiping all over the place. That is simply gross.

  Now, I am not in total agreement with this wearing a mask/face covering because I don't 100% believe that they work.  Even the CDC has said that they are as effective as we have been told by many other sources.  I haven't worn a mask/face covering unless I am going to a smaller store where it's difficult to have the 6ft. spacing or if I know that I have to be in a place for a long period of time.  If I am going in and out quickly then I typically haven't been wearing them.  I don't like the masks because I feel like I am not breathing very well.  However, I will wear a bandanna or a neckgator when I get one of those.  

  I will tell you that if I am sick, I will not go out without a face covering of some sort.  I have no one, close to me, that can run my errands for me, so I usually have to do them myself.  However, I have been taking advantage of delivery services more now.  Like I can order and have my pet food and such delivered to me, I can order groceries online then pick them up, they are delivered to my car, which I am doing today, because of the pain and swelling in my toes and upper part of my left foot. 

  I DO NOT IGNORE the severity of the illness, however, I absolutely refuse to live in fear.  I have a God that is so much bigger than this illness, He is still in control of all that is going on.  I believe that He is allowing this illness for a reason, most likely to get EVERYONE'S  attention who hasn't committed their lives completely to HIM.

  Please please, stay safe and healthy.  Please keep in mind that your decisions also effect others around you, not just you.  We do not live in bubbles, our decisions do effect others, in a ripple effect.

Change Starts with each of us individually

 

Church the change starts with us

Church the change starts within us individually then together.

 

Working

11/14.20 -- Good morning, everyone.  I hope this find everyone healthy both physically and mentally.  I tell you what....I do feel much better now that I am working and earning an income.  I am working from home, for a mail order company that is based in my town.  I think they have to be one of the pioneers of mail order companies, lol.  Not too sure about that, but anyway----I started the training for this job on 11/2/20 and was released to solo on 11/12/20.  I answer the computer phone and handle customers wanting to make payments on their bills.  I actually don't mind doing that; the awesome thing about that is I won't have to go out in the weather, when it gets bad in the winter, making travel difficult.  When roads are difficult traveling, I can come into my bedroom/office(during the day), sit down set up my computer and start working.  The only thing that I don't like, is that there isn't quite enough of a break between calls to finish up the call you're working, like making a note on the account that the customer called in about. 

  The best thing is that I am finally earning an income to support myself, which is huge for my mental state.  As much as I was doing decently in keeping a positive attitude, trusting that God has the right job for me and that I just had to wait for His timing, it was getting annoying.  Especially, when my upstairs neighbors did nothing (pretty much) but take advantage of their jobs  What do I mean by that?  Well, let me explain...This couple works for a rather popular retail store about an hour way from where we live.  The woman has been "off" for pretty darn close to a year, using a variety of "reasons" for her being off; her husband has been behaving like a puppy dog, and staying home just because his wife has been.  He acts as tho he can't live without her by his side 24/7 which is absolutely ridiculous. He just likes trying to live off of other people, like for instance, his mom.  Over this past year, they have pretty much exhausted every resource of money they have had access to. I will list them....their 401ks, rent help from the county, and other help from his mom.  She finally decided that she had to get herself hyped up and prepared to go back to work.  All during this time they have had ridiculous marriage problems, which to me is caused by the both of them.  They call me seperately and put me on conference calls to listen the the two of them complain about each other. 

  I have found myself getting so bogged down, mentally, by their complaint, and not listening too much if any if my advice.  Their negativity was just getting to me, but at the same time, there are times when I enjoy their company.  I get laughs and the occasional free meal.  Them finally going to work has been a relief to me, as well, as my own job.  Now I get a lot less complaining from them because they are working and so am I.

Life

 10/31/20 --Yesterday was my youngest granddaughter's birthday.  Once again, I wasn't invited to any party or shown any pictures of my beautiful young granddaughter.  My son is so stinkin stubborn and it is quite irritating!  Yet, it doesn't really do me much good to be pushy or to get upset because I can't force him to do anything.  He is quite old enough to make decisions for himself and his family.  I do have a sneakin suspicion that my daughter in-law has something to do with his decision, right now.  I just wish she would get over herself and let us reconcile and let me see the girls, most especially my youngest Granddaughter.  They both are depriving the girls of a grandma and that, to me, just isn't right or fair.

  My sister is basically, doing the same thing.  I haven't had any chance to be an Aunt to my nieces or nephews.  All these years have gone by and I haven't ever spent any time with them individually or together.  They all know who I am but don't know me.  To this day, my sister and I still haven't done what our youngest sister, who passed away 3 yrs ago, asked us to do.  That was her last wish for us, to make up and get along.  We haven't done any of that.  So, consequently, I feel quite alone, on my own family.  Between my son not wanting anything to do with me and my sister not wanting anything to do with me, it's quite lonely.

  That is one of many reasons, why it's so stinking irritating when me find me, want money and then leave when I don't give them what they want.  Like, I am supposed to bail their a@#$@# out of whatever trouble they have gotten themselves into, allegedly.

  I do start my new job, tomorrow.  Trust me, I am not going to eat anything to cause me any trouble, either.  I made myself some homemade tomato soup and chicken alfredo, for the weekend.  However, I have reason to think that it'll last me into the week, which is fine.  I am also having grilled cheese sandwiches with the tomato soup.

   Honestly< I can't wait to start working, I don't even care that I am not leaving my apt, to work.  I will still be getting out of the apt, when I go swimming and to church/bible study.  However, for the next two weeks I won't be going to either bible study or church because I don't have the gas, as far as Sundays are concerned, but my training schedule won't let me go to bible study. One I am actually scheduled for the normal time, I will then be able to go to mid week bible study.

Well Then........

 10/26/20 -- Well then....I was supposed to start training for my job, this time last Monday.  This was supposed to be my second week of training. But....I at a single serve pizza for lunch on Sunday, (last week)  This pizza was a brand that I hadn't had before, well, what a mistake.  I ended up with gas after eating it til 11am the next day, Monday.  I was absolutely miserable, I couldn't belch, or fart or anything.  I didn't have anything to relieve it either.  I didn't sleep very well, if at all, all night long, Sunday night.  I did go get some rolaids at the closest gas station, to me, thank goodness, they had some.  I ended up taking like 4 of those rolaids, before I got any kind of relieve.  I had to tell my boss that I couldn't  work cause I was sick. Thankfully, they were willing to move my start date out two weeks.  So, I start on the 2nd of November, my training, that is a full week plus 4 days.  

  I can't wait to start working.  It will be great that I won't have to leave my apt to go to work.  I am still going to go swimming and the women's bible study so that I can still get what I need for being around people but not having to leave to go to work.  I will be able to work despite what the weather is doing.

  I had been talking to like 5 different guys, on google hangouts;  however, it is now down to one.  All the others found out that I won't fall for their con to get me to somehow help them with money.  One guy actually used the same excuse twice, to try to get me to become a middle person, in allegedly getting money to his son in the hospital.  Every one of these guys stopped talking to me when I told them "no".

Job

10/16/20 -- Well, the training for my job, starts on Monday, the 19th.  I just received the email that was told I would get, right before I start.  I am seriously looking forward to doing something that will be bringing money in and I won't have to leave the apt to go.  However, thankfully, I have my schedule crafted to allow for me to go to Bible study, where I attend church.  It's a women's study and allows for me to have fellowship with ladies that around the same age as I am.  Plus, I will still be going to church of course.  I will also be going swimming,too.  I just had to sign up for different times, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the next two weeks.  Also, when I was signing up for the rest of October, part of November was there so I went ahead and signed up for the times that I knew I could because they will be scheduling me according to my availability.  So, I was able to sign up for Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturdays. The other two days are open because I don't know what I will be scheduled. Tuesday. and Thursday I go swimming real early, so I will be back in plenty of time for the training and the job. I am not working on Saturdays so my normal time, is what I signed up for.

   I am not sure if I mentioned that I have had (can't tell you how many) men contact me via Instagram,.  I don't know why, they seem to think it's a dating site or something, I guess.  There have been a number them that I have deleted and some that I have confirmed and ended up talking to them on google hangouts.  We ended up talking til they ask for money for one reason or another, when I tell them "no" then they get mad.  Them getting mad normally ends up with me blocking them on Hangouts because I don't need to see them insult me and such.  A great majority of the time they ended up being scammers, which is quite irritating to me.

  I don't know what it is about my profile, they seem to think that I am desperate, gullible or stupid, or something.  I am absolutely NONE of those things.  I have been on Instagram for quite a few years and it's only been over the last year or so that these men have been contacting me.  I am currently talking to one, who seems to be trying to convince me how much he loves me.  I don't doubt him (to a point) I told him that I need to see him face to face, like standing in front of me in order to really believe him.  His actions need to follow what he has been telling me.

  I have a problem with meeting guys on the internet because there really isn't any accountability for what they say.  They can tell me anything they want and they think I believe them, OK, I do give them the benefit of the doubt, to start with.  Pretty much every time, they claim to fall in love with me, pretty darn quickly, and for some reason, expect me to do the same thing.  Nope, can't do that, because it's the internet and they could be lying, for all I know.  For a lot of these guys, they have ended up asking me for money, so freaking irritating. 

 

Life

10/15/20 -- Sometimes life is just a pain in the butt!  I decided that I wanted to get a membership at the YMCA, rather than have it at Anytime Fitness.  The reason being, I very much prefer to swim versus walking.  So, I tome anytime fitness that I want my contract cancelled.  I knew there would be a cost, although I had forgotten.  Anyway, it's a $250 cancellation fee, which I think is a bit much, I guess because I think they shouldn't have a contract, at all, like the YMCA.  Anyway, I had made the necessary arrangements to pay the fee at the end of Sept. however I ended up not starting my job, til the 19th of this month.  I forgot to call anytime fitness and have them stop or put a hold on the money coming out of my account because I knew that there wasn't going to be enough for them to do anything with.  Well, guess what?!  They pulled the money out and now I am in the negative after I did call to put a stop to them taking the money out!  Then they go and take the monthly fee out, or try to, which then charges me a rather ridiculous fee for insufficient funds.

   Naturally, I called the bank then Anytime fitness, although I should have made the calls in reverse, Oh well. I am seriously hoping that the guy at Anytime Fitness was able to get their bank to reverse the funds and put a hold on taking anymore money out because if they keep trying the bank charges me a fee for insufficient funds which then put me in the negative even more.  So, when i get paid, I won't have enough to pay anything, let alone anytime fitness, because it's in automatic deposit.

   I haven't been in the negative, in my bank account, since I opened my very first account, many many years ago.  Things have changed on how that stuff is taken care of, too.   I seriously despise being in the negative, there quite awhile before I actually get my first paycheck and i am going to need cat litter, and gas money.  I think tho, that I can have my mom help me with both.  She could order the cat litter from chewy and have it sent to me, and just hand me the gas money, as she sometimes does.

   I was very successful in getting rid of all the stuff that I had sitting in bags and boxes.  I feel so much better in getting rid of that stuff, although I did find a box of books that i missed, in my coat closet.  I do have two boxes that I have to take a deal with.  One goes to the Kirby that my mom let me have and she didn't want back.  I took the attachments that she didn't want and I have a box with the rest of the attachments;  There is a guy up here, where I live, that takes vacuums and will either sell or get rid of, but he did tell me that the attachments are what he needs more than the actual vacuum.  The box of books I found, I don't mind taking to St. Vincent De Paul's resale store.  

   I gotta say that just a week and a half after thoroughly cleaning the hall and my bedroom carpet (including shampooing) I vacuumed again, and there was pretty much the same amount of dirt and cat hair on the floor.

  Since I started swimming, I have had more energy, more desire to get things cleaned up and maintain it.  The swimming has done a lot for my moral, as well.  I also know that not listening to the couple upstairs from me, complain about each other, is very helpful, 

Feeling better

 10/6/20 -- I was successful in getting a job. YAY!!! I am so thankful that I was successful, this time around.  I will be working from home, for a call center, for a company that is based here where I live.  I do have one more thing to purchase to enable me to work online; that is a usb headset, which will allow for me to take phone calls from the computer, and take orders.  I much prefer working from home, especially given that winter is coming up and I really despise going out and driving in the winter.  However, with my newish exercise routine I will be leaving the apt anyway.  

  My mom wanted me to get the membership at the YMCA, that I had talked to her about, so I did, with the money that she helped me out with.  Now, I have to keep it up.  The think is, I don't have to talk myself into going, I wake up with my alarm and even tho, I signed up to swim real early two days out of the week, I don't mind.  I actually look forward to swimming.  3 days of the week is a water aerobics class and the other 3 days is swimming laps and I use the water barbels.  Granted, I really only do the backstroke because I just can't seem to swim front crawl like i would have done when I was younger,  I could swim the front crawl with no problem, however, now it seems that with age, and the fact that my asthma, seems to be worse.  To go along with that I get a sense of panic, that as I get out of breath, so I just don't swim the front crawl.  I do use a noodle, it gives me an extra sense of security.  I do swim the back stroke, which is good and I use the noodle for that added security, in my head.

  I don't know what happened but I get a sense of panic when i can't touch the bottom of the pool, but not so bad that I can't swim to the deep end of the pool, swimming the whole length, that is.

  Anyway, since I started do this, swimming.  I have started feeling much better, in my mind, and my emotions.  Like, to the point of being motivated to actually get stuff accomplished in my apt.  Getting rid of stuff that has been sitting around waiting to be taken to GoodWill.  I did that last week.  I have cleaned my living room and shampooed the carpet from the door down the hallway, to the bathroom.  Yesterday, I cleaned my bedroom, which was in serious need of a cleaning and a vacuuming.  The next thing is to string the ethernet cord from the internet modem, in the living room, to my bedroom, where I will be working from.  I will get more silence, so to speak, in my bedroom.  I was given a very very long ethernet cord, which is plenty long enough to string from my living room into my bedroom and do it in such a way that it won't be tripped over and the cats won't be able to play with it.

  I will be able to continue going to the bible study for women, at the church I attend, that is 40 minutes way from me, too.  

Job

9/17/20 -- Well, I do strongly believe I am about to have a job.  I am scheduled to have an interview, this coming Monday, the 21st.  I have been patiently waiting for this moment.  After all the garbage that happened with the "so called job" that I thought I had for a whole month.  I know this one is for real, because the cooperated offices are in the town that I live in.  Also, I know another person who is actually working for them, in the department that I want.  She is the one who told me to apply.  I just had to wait til I had the proper laptop, with the specs that the company requires from their workers, that are working from home. 

  I even spoke a to close friend, to get his suggestions on making sure that I pass the interview.  I have been to many interviews, over the last several years, and for whatever reason I have not ever gotten a call or email back.  The only email that I have gotten is thank you but no thanks, type deal.  Consequently, I have been quite discouraged about even job hunting.  So anyway, my friend and his wife, gave me very good advice and I am planning on abiding by it.

  You see, I have my suspicions as to why I hadn't gotten call backs, from prospective employers: that is that I talk too much, when I am nervous or anxious.  By talking too much, I then answer questions with too much information.  

  This job is working for a mail order company, that sells all kinds of yummy stuff, along with household stuff and a variety of other stuff.  The call center, is relatively close to our downtown, but they are hiring work from home people.  I am not the type of person that likes to "cold call" someone to see if they want to purchase something, but to take orders and maybe suggestive sell something that might go with what they are already purchasing I can do.  The whole, working from home, thing sets quite well with me., too.

  I have already gone swimming, I suppose there are other things that I should be going, like household chores. 

   

I Don't Know cont......

9/10/20 -- So, I have started going to the Y, in my town, to go swimming.  I so completely love going swimming!  I can only go for an hour a day but I have been going.  Now, due to asthma, I am not able to do a complete lap, swimming the front crawl, so I do the back stroke, and front float with kicking and I alternate with stopping halfway and swim the crawl and sometimes swim underwater.  I have signed myself up for everyday, most of it is early in the morning but there is one day where I have to go around 5pm.  I think that getting out of the house and doing something different and what I enjoy,

  I have gotten my laptop ordered.  I had to order a new laptop with windows10 and the correct spec. i.e. the correct processor, and the right amount of RAM memory, and the correct amount of hard drive memory.  I have the intentions of getting a job working for Colony Brands, everyone knows about Colony Brands.  The do have work from home order takers.  I have been getting emails and text messages from them, keeping in touch with me.  I know that this is real, because I know people that actually do it.

  Then,  there is the men that have been talking to me.  Yes, I said men, lol.  I have been talking to 4 different men, via google hangouts.  Three out of the four have contacted me via instagram. One of them I met on eharmony.  I have been talking to 3 out of the four, more than the one, however the one I have talked to (off and on) for the longest amount of time.

  Three of the men live either across the country from me, one on the east coast and one on the west coast, and the other is overseas.  The fourth one is only 3 hours from me and I have only seen him 3 times in 4 years.  That is why I am talking to so many, I highly doubt that anything serious will come out of any of them.  Therefore, I don't mind talking to them.  2 of them have actually asked me for some sort of financial help, however these two have continued to talk to me despite the fact that I said no, to helping them.  So, we'll see.

   

I Don't Know.....

 9/8/20 -- Well, I have gotten my membership at the YMCA, and let me just tell you, I am enjoying it.  I love the idea of getting up and going swimming every day.  I have different times set up, but I like it nonetheless.  Today, I just swam laps, tomorrow will be a water aerobics class, theThursday is swimming, very early, and Friday another water aerobics.  My mom really got me back into that, reminding me just how much I really enjoy swimming.  I went on Saturday morning and just loved it.  I feel like I get a more all around work out in the pool than I do when I just go for a walk, at anytime fitness.

   Then there are my neighbors - they are a married couple that seriously have chemistry problems.  Like, to me, they have zero chemistry between each other.  It seems to me that the reason they got married is more convenience, than anything else.  Like, I don't think that she wants to be alone, and he definitely can't do it alone.  I don't know for sure why they got married, he claims he loves her, but I really don't see the type of love that I expect to see between them.  They seem to do a lot of arguing, and talking and so far the two of them have not really helped me to see the love they claim they have for each other.      

                                    

WELL THEN..........

 9/5/20 -- Well then.....So, I think I spoke about a job that I thought I had....

I had been "working" for a "delivery service" that entailed my receiving packages, checking the contents and uploading pics to the given website.  I was to get paid, once a month....however when it came to the time that I was to get paid, which happened to be this past Monday. NOTHING!!!!!!! I waited a couple days then on Wednesday morning, I ended up talking to a friend, who happens to be a neighbor.  She had actually called me early in the morning and we were talking.  I happen to tell her about that company and the fact that I hadn't gotten paid, yet.  So, my neighbor, googles "??????? Delivery Service" and it takes her to a legit company.  She tells me where to go and I find it too, got to the "contact us" page where I found a reddish pink box the says; something to the effect of -- we know there are people out there who are copying our logo and claiming to have positions for "product checkers" they are a fraud.  We have reported them to the BBB.  I was devastated when I read that.  I cried, then called my mom and cried a little more.  Mom was very supportive and understanding.  She offered to help me out financially even encouraging me to go ahead and get the membership at the Y.  

  I went down to visit my mom, she lives about a half an hour to the south of me.  She wanted to just give the money rather than sending it thru the mail because that would just take more time, that I really didn't want to wait.  Simply because once I saw that this "job" was fake, I had to close my bank account and open a new one, plus do a couple other things online.

  I now have pretty much everything squared away, although I have to wait til I get my new debit card before I can order my new laptop. Other than that, things are ok.  However, I am still feeling pretty discouraged right now.  I will even admit that I wanted to just drive off a cliff, while I was sitting at my desk and crying.

  As far as, that so called boyfriend, I still am not completely sure about him.  To be brutally honest, I am talking to 3 different men, on google hangouts.  All three of these men live outside of the state that I live in; one of the actually claims to be in Sweden.  I don't know that I truly consider any of them as boyfriend, but I don't mind talking to them.  The reason that I don't really consider them as boyfriends is; I highly doubt that anything will come of the relationship, regardless of what they say.  Therefore, I don't see any harm in talking to the three of them.

True Colors

 8/22/20 -- Ok, So I am so upset!!!!! and that is the understatement of the year!!!  So, last night, I was talking to my, so called boyfriend.  So, he tells me that the "drill plate" on the oil rig that he has been working.{allegedly}  This drill plate, is a very expensive piece of equipment, and he claimed that he didn't know how he was going replace that piece of equipment.

  So, guess what?? The other "shoe dropped!"  He asked me for money to help him raise the money for the equipment he has to purchase!  How is it my responsibility to help him come up with the money to replace that drill plate?!  We have been talking via google hangouts for a couple weeks and he want to try to blame me for the contract being breached because he didn't build in a way to compensate for equipment failure and replacement.  I don't think so!!  I swear, I must look gullible or desperate, neither of which I am, on my Instagram profile.  I don't understand why these men think that it's a dating site, cause it's not!  I am not on there looking for men, period end of story, yet these men look for someone, come across me and figure that I am desperate enough to fall for their sweet talk and whatever else.  Well, I don't and I am even onto their game even before they try to play. 

  Oh, and at the same time, I was talking to another guy, on google hangouts, and he tried putting me in the middle of him and another guy.  The alleged plan was to have this other man, pass along money to me (via auto transfer, into my bank account) then tell me (supposedly before the transfer is complete) how I am supposed to get the money to him.  Now, mind you, I have a bank account that is separate account from my everyday use, account.  However, I have zero intent on being suckered into something that really sound fishy.  I let him know that, but then he tries playing the guilt trip, which doesn't work on me.  I have been talking to these guys strictly online and somehow they think I should automatically trust them enough to give them what I don't have or do something that I don't feel comfortable doing.  I don't understand that, at all.

BoyFriend???

 8/19/20 -- Well, for the umpteenth time, I was contacted by a man off of the social platform, Instagram.  There have been quite the number of men who have contacted me via Instagram, claiming that they want to become serious, with me.  These men have all, pretty much, have contacted me and ended up wanting money from me, in one way, shape or form.  They all, have pretty much have just attempted to get money from me, then would stop talking to me when I would consistently tell them "NO"!

  Well, this man also contacted via Instagram, however this man actually called me after I first acknowledged his first contact.  I have actually talked to him several times via hangouts.  This man sounds great, he has a wonderfully deep voice and I am seriously turned on when I listen to him speak.  He has even, already proposed to me!!  I didn't quite now how to respond when he asked me.  Let me just say, that even though I am falling for him, I am still somewhat prepared for that "other shoe to drop"!  I do have my doubts about there actually being another "shoe to drop" but one just never knows. LOL

        

Neighbors

8/12/20 -- Ok, so there is this married couple that lives upstairs and across the hall from me, that have the strangest dynamic.  I have been more involved with their lives, by their choice.  I met them a couple of years after they had moved in the same building as I live in.  She is the older of the two of them and quite independent and very outspoken.  He is just shy 10 yrs younger, than her.   I don't even know where to begin with these two.  OMG, these two make the weirdest/strangest pair.  They seem to be so attached to each other.  It has been quite eye opening to see how these two interact with each other.  They reveal so much to me that it can be overwhelming.  They even go into their "bedroom" and tell me what has been going on.  Things that I don't necessarily need to know.  I do try to help them, I give them advice/suggestions, however what they do with that is completely up to them.  The thing that I have found is that the man is definitely not a "strong" man, as I would picture a man to be.  Yet, she is.  She is way stronger than he is and way more controlling than she is.  She controls the money and even a lot of what he does.  She also has quite the photographic memory, which is, at times, annoying!  She complete amazing to me, just how much she remembers!  I sometimes wonder if they aren't the cause of the headache that I have had over the several weeks. 

Job

 7/7/20 -- Ok so, I do have a job.  The great thing about this job, is that, I work from home and when I have to leave, is to take a package to either USPS, UPS, OR FEDX.  The premise is; I have to sign into a website 3x a day to check if there are any packages coming my way.  Whenever, I get a package, I have to thoroughly check the package for the item in the package is intact and matches the packing list.  I have to upload pictures to the dashboard on the company's website then when the shipping address label is ready for download, I do that and put on the repackaged item and take it to where ever it's supposed to go for delivery to the customer.

  The salary is pretty good with the ability to earn a bonus with every package I successfully send out.

FINALLY

7/27/20 -- Well, I finally have a job!  It is a job that I get to do from home.  The position is called "product checker".  What happens is: I receive packages that I need to open and inspect to make sure that it's intact with packing list and make sure the product box is intact.  Then I take a picture of the contents of the box with packing list and upload to the "dash board" of the website of the delivery company that I am working for.  This company is actually, legit, too.  
  After the delivery label is downloaded to my dash board, I then print and attach to box that the product has been repacked into, then take to the proper delivery co., you know, UPS, FEDX, OR USPS, for it to be delivered to that customer.
  It will be nice to finally receive and income that I am working for, not being given to by my mom.  I despise having to have my mom help me like this.  Don't get me wrong, I am quite thankful that she is willing to and able to; I just don't relying on someone to help me, I prefer working for it.  Of course, notwithstanding, if I were to get married.
  I would very much like to get married, but til that happens I have to work.  I do however, like the the thought of working from home.  There is another job that I can get, that is also working from home.  I just hope they will resend me the link so I can do a tech check, they call it.  This particular job is one, that is receiving phone calls and taking orders, call center, style.
  Working will definitely help me with my mental issues, and quite possibly the headache that has returned to bother me.

New Normal?

6/26/20 -- So, here we are a "so called" new normal.  What exactly does that mean?  I am pretty sure that it means something different for everyone and for every state.  For instance, where I live (the state of Wisconsin) we don't have to wear masks any more, however there are people that still do and that is fine with me.  I don't wear a mask but I am quite conscious of my surroundings and do my best to not breathe toward anyone, especially if we happened to be in close proximity to each other, like when passing each other in a grocery store isle.  I do wash my hands every time I get home for any place, where I didn't do that on a regular basis.
   I still don't have a job, which is quite annoying because I want to work but, I just can't seem to find a job.  Not even to just take temperatures at a warehouse or other place.  If a job doesn't come along then I would like to get married, that sounds so wrong.  I mean that I have wanted to get married and that still hasn't happened.  
  Then there is the problem of "racism".  First of all; I completely despise that word.  To me, there is no such thing as racism because we are all of the human race!  Yes, there are people in this world that have different skin colors - black, brown, tan, white, even olive skinned.  So what, so what if someone has a different skin color, that doesn't mean they get treated any differently.  I got new for everyone the white skinned people ARE NOT any better than any other skin color.  I don't understand hatred toward black Americans, I just don't.  To me, there is absolutely zero reason to hate a different skin color.
   I believe that we need to STOP TEACHING our children to HATE another person or group of people just because of their skin color.
HATRED is just flat out bad and we need to stop it.  God created us all, He didn't create one skin color to be supreme over another, that is just ridiculous.  He created us all equal, period end of story.
  Also, all thru our history there have been people who started slavery, who ended slavery and yet those same people are far from perfect.  I do know from my history lessons that there were plenty of black Americans that contributed a lot to move our country along in it's growth.

Job

6/16/20 -- I am still without a job.  I don't get what the hold up is.  I went for an interview, a couple of weeks ago and still haven't heard one way or the other.  I am thinking that I should have heard from them by now.  This is why I despise job hunting like this, online.  There is no contact other than email.  The job I interviewed for is one that I really want to do, it would give me a leg up in the career path that I want to go into, since I have to work outside my home.
  I gotta admit that what I really want to do is be and assistant for my pastor and his wife, they have plenty of children to which I would love to help them with.  If there was a way that $5.000 a month put into my checking account then I could move closer to them and help them out on a daily basis.  I so totally love that family and want so much to help them out, but as long as I gotta have an income that just isn't possible.

Here we Go Again

6/2/20 - - I am going to now speak to the current events as I see them.  An officer in Minneapolis, Minnesota, over stepped his bounds and executed beyond extreme force on a black AMERICAN.  Yes, I said black AMERICAN.  Let me explain.
  The way that I see it African/Americans should no longer be referred to as African/American.  Why, you ask, well I am about to tell you.  It's very simple, the black Americans that are currently living (this generation) and those that have passed on, have been here beyond long enough to be considered and regarded as AMERICANS!!!!!  The reason being is that none of the other nationalities that live in this country and HAVE LIVED IN THE COUNTRY AS LONG AS THE black AMERICANS are not called or considered or treated as anything other than AMERICANS!!!!!  
  Now, I now there was a time, in this country, when the west was being "won" that the chinese were also subjected to slavery and other abuses, however, they no longer deal with that, that any of us have been told.  To my knowledge Chinese people that have come and lived in the country legally are not discriminated against and their skin color is different as is their culture.  There are AMERICANS here from all over the world, most came on their own accord even the current direct from African/Americans.
   I fully understand that there is a very dark past with regards to how the THEN BLACK AFRICANS were brought over here and how they were treated.  However, both generations of peoples that when thru that (the slave owners and the slaves) have long, long since pasted which then means that the human race needs to learn how to treat all people equally, most definitely the black AMERICANS, as they are the ones who are more publicly getting mistreated, for absolutely zero reason other than their skin color.  To me that is just ignorance and stupidity.  
  God created us all as the human race, after that there are zero other races!!!!  God created the skin colors of the rainbow, so to speak, and the languages and cultures.  We as a nation need to get a freakin grip on ourselves and stop thinking that white is better than any other color, period end of story!!!!!
    As I have said in the past on other media platforms;  if you all want other races then go watch STAR WARS AND/OR STAR TREK!!  Those two movie franchises truly show you different races.  Otherwise, let's just stop all this nonsense and treat EVERYONE equally.  
      The officers that stood by and did nothing are just as guilty as the one who perpetrated the actual crime because they did nothing to stop the officer with his knee on the neck of that black american.
  The rioting that is going on with the NEEDLESS destruction of property and looting which really is STEELING in nonsense and stupid!!!!

It has Been Awhile....

5/30/20 -- Well, the so called second stage for the state I live in.  The is whole "shelter in place" was stupid, in my book.  You see, this virus isn't going to go away, just like the flu, we are going to have to live with and deal with this, but hopefully this will change the way people behave when dealing with sickness.  
     Meaning, when they are sick they either stay home from school, work, or and/or church -- OR carry the proper "gear" with them to protect others.  For instance; be IN THE HABIT OF SNEEZING/COUGHING IN THEIR ELBOWS, HAVE SANITIZER WITH THEM SO THEY CAN CLEAN THEIR HANDS AFTER BLOWING THEIR NOSE.  IF THEY HAVE TO GO OUT, WEAR THE MASK, OR KEEP YOUR FACE AWAY FROM OTHERS JUST STAY FOCUS ON WHAT YOUR DOING.  USE THE DISTANCE THING WHEN YOUR SICK AND END UP TALKING TO SOMEONE WHILE YOU HAVE TO BE OUT.  HOPEFULLY, THIS EXPERIENCE WITH HAVE TAUGHT SOME "CONSIDERANCE" (MY NEW WORD, LOL) FOR OTHERS.
   This virus is pretty serious, especially for those who have low immunity or very young or very old.  Or, you already have issues with your lungs.  So, being considerate when your sick is something that should always have been in our collective common sense, but NOOOO I have see so many children and adults or flat out don't care about anyone because they sneeze and cough all over themselves and every one else around them.  DISGUSTING!!!!  Not to mention that I DON'T WANT their germs!!!!

Reluctant Acceptance

3/24/20 -- In my last posting: I did a lot of complaining about this crap, going on.  I still don't like this entire situation but there are aspects that I do understand (sort of).  I am talking about the reaction to this Covid-19 virus.  I get this this is a serious virus, but more people have died from the flu, world wide than from this virus.  Not to mention that there are positive things going on that no one seems to be hearing about them.
  The Governor of my state is about to further restrict the movements of the state's people.  I read about it yesterday; he's supposed to make some sort of announcement, sometime today.  Then the new rules could take effect in the next day or two.  My home state has already done that.  We are allowed to visit family and go out for necessities but that's it.  
  I gotta admit that I REALLY, REALLY don't like it, period, end of story.  I am not the only one that doesn't agree with further restriction.  Yet, we have people who don't seem to get the severity of the version of the covid virus.  Even before this came about there are children and adults who don't bother to cover their nose and mouth when they sneeze or cough.  Not to mention the fact there are people that go to work even when they are sick, but then don't take the necessary precautions to make sure they don't get their co-workers sick.

3/16/20 -- I know that in my previous posting; I thoroughly expressed my frustration concerning the canceling of stuff, out of panic.  I now realize that the real reason I was and still upset by all this forced homedness, cause so many things have been cancelled.
   When I got home from visiting a friend, I looked at my phone and saw a text message that irritated me more because the small group/bible study was even cancelled, RIDICULOUS!!!!!  I was so mad that I threw the spoon that I was using.
   Now, I also see this situation as the perfect STORM for people who are like me, struggle with depression and don't want to return back to that dark place.  So, therefore, I have a couple of numbers that will be helpful to those in a dark place
        NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE
                      1-800-273-8255
   VETERANS CAN ALSO CALL THAT NUMBER OR TEXT 838255
   Please don't be afraid to make that call or if you know someone in potential trouble because of all that is going on, please call and get them help.
   Thank you so much

IRRITATED

3/15/20 -- This not the way that 2020 is supposed to be going.  I just don't agree that bringing the economy to a stop, is the answer to this virus.  I am not negating the seriousness of the virus, especially to those who are vulnerable to it, myself included.  However, panicking and buying up all the toilet paper is STUPID!  The virus is one that people should be purchasing lotion because they are washing their hands so much or using hand sanitize so much.  I don't think that causing a shortage on basic necessities so no-one else has access to them is just flat out stupid!!!!  Even during a normal cold kleenexes should be bought up and lotion cause of washing hands all the time.  Apparently, there are way too many people who have forgotten how to use their common sense and NOT get caught up in the media frenzy.
   Now, I can understand minimizing the size of large groups but canceling smaller gatherings, all together is ridiculous, in my book.  The church that I attend doesn't even have 250 people attending on a regular Sunday, so why was it cancelled?!  I really don't get it.  However, I can't do anything about it.  Which is ok, I guess.  Although, I was looking forward to going because I need the interaction with other people, preferable people I know and am comfortable with.
Someone suggested that I attend a church that is open and I would but I am not completely comfortable with the one church and the other one I am not comfortable with just showing up too, having never been there before.
  I wasn't able to go anywhere for a long while due the my car being in serious need of repair, that got fixed, went to church a couple times then got sick and wasn't able to go anywhere for a couple more weeks, then i go cause I am better: and now this stupid virus and people overreacting.
GGGRRRRR!!!!!!!

BEWARE

2/29/20 -- Good Grief!!! This is like the umpteenth time that I have been close to be being sucked into a scam!  This time I was sucked a bit deeper than ever before because it's so damn good!!!  This time it took a bit longer for me to catch on that this attempt to get employed is a scam.  This is the second time that I have had someone attempt to scam me as I am trying to get employed.  This job was supposed to be a work from home job.  However, this company is a in home care company or a nursing facility.  So, after being sick for close to two weeks, I ended up talking to my cable/mobile carrier who then agrees with me, that the way this company wants to do their business.  
  You see; as I am supposed to be employed by this company - they want me to use their equipment but the catch is - they needed access to my online account with my cable/mobile carrier.  I let them by giving them the info they needed (stupid mistake) plus I had given them my ss number (another super stupid mistake)  Their reasoning behind this is to order equipment on an already established account will be easier than establishing a new account of their own.  Which, in all reality is a huge lie!!!!!  Thankfully, my customer service person in my cable/mobile carrier is pretty smart; not to mention the fact that as I was reciting all that had happened, that is when it dawned on me that it didn't make sense.  One of them many things that don't make sense is the fact that a home care company would need people to work from home as assistant administrators.  That really doesn't make sense, at all. 
  I put a complete stop on everything, even my security company for my computer that includes an identity protection company spotted a problem and notified me and I told them that I didn't authorize anything.

More Different

2/23/20 -- So much more different things going on:  I was given a link by a man who found me on Instagram.  This job is for a home care company, but it will be working from home as an Administrative Assistant.  This whole process has been done completely online.  There hasn't been visual meetings, just communication online, only.  I had to open a new bank account (to protect my personal account from theft) so that this company can deposit money into it an have online access to it.  I wasn't about to let them have access to my personal account, online or otherwise.  I have been scam attempted so many times that I wasn't about to knowingly allow them to do anything to jeopardize what little money I have.  So, I opened an account, strictly online and they have access to it for now.  The whole idea being that they will provide money to purchase the equipment that I need to work for them from home.  So, I found a bank that would allow me to put the least amount possible to open the account, so that if they end up being a fake, I am not out any money of my own.
  So far, this seems to be legit, so far.  I am still treading carefully.

Something Different

2/21/20 -- Ok, so this past couple of days has been rather interesting.  There is a couple that live upstairs and across the hall from me.  The woman treats her husband like a slave or a maid.  She is a very stubborn and hardheaded woman.  I don't think I have known any other woman to as hardheaded as she is.  To the point that I have chosen  the times with which to address things with her that I see she should deal with and change to go along with the things that get on her nerves concerning her husband.  I swear, she spends more time cutting him down, in front of everyone, including his friends, parents, and even her children of whom she has joint custody of and gets every other weekend with.
  I have more involved with their marriage than i think is healthy for me, especially have this last blow up, that was nothing like their last one.  Involved with meaning - that both of them have come to me individually and together, to help them work things out.
  Anyway, things came to a head between them and I just didn't have the sense to stay out of it, so then I got yelled at for confronting her with the things that she does and how I have seen her treat her own husband.(as has her boys, seen how she treats their stepdad)  Even her boys have brought that very thing up to her and she somehow manages to make and excuse for the way she treats him.
  This woman is an expert in reasoning things in her head, rehearsing it so that when she actually says it, it's believable to the person who she is telling.
  To say the least, since that blow up, she had moved some stuff but then ended up moving back in.  Somehow, I knew that this separation wasn't going to last as long as it should have.  I know the things that I have said because I live in the front of the building as they do and their vehicles are parked in the front, as mine is.  So, whenever someone leaves or returns I generally pay attention to that stuff.  I don't think that either one of them can live without each other, in a weird sort of way.  Unless, this a complete cohabitation, I kinda doubt it.  They have had a real strange marriage, and I think that I have more that enough of the crap they deal to each other and I will no longer be telling them any personal stuff because she will turn around and use it against you, when she is angry with you.  She does that to her husband, all the time.  What irritates me the most is that I have helped helped them out by doing more than just listen to them gripe about each other.  So, therefore I don't appreciate being treated the way she did me that night. Even now, I have yet to hear from either one of them, however, I think its fine with me me because I don't think I want any more of their type of drama.

Life

2/17/20 -- Here it is 2020 and we are already February, the last part of February.  I have been quite awhile without a job, and even my car was needing repair, to the point of grounding me to the town I live in.  I broke down and asked my mom to help me with getting my car repaired.  She did and even told me that she was going to help me out anyway.  As a result I have some money sitting in my savings account.  Boy, once my car was repaired I felt like a freed bird.  Good grief, I felt like I was trapped and it was driving me crazy.
    Once the car was fixed that freed me up to start looking for jobs.  I couldn't look for a job without having a reliable car to drive. 
  Then, I met a guy on Instagram who hooked me up with a job that will allow me to work from home.  Now, of course, I am about leary on the whole internet contact, only, but I am prepared for it to be a crappy scam.  It does look legit, but we'll see.  If this job actually pans out, it'll be perfect to be able to work from home and I will be able to afford to do things, that I normally can't afford.

I don't know

1/16/20 -- So, I still have car issues.  Grrrrrrr, the tie rod and wheel bearings in the passenger tire of my car, is bad/broken.  I was driving it out of town, but the noise that it makes, sounded worse after my last trip to Janesville, so consequently I don't trust driving out of town now.  That doesn't make me very happy, at this point in time.  The cost for the repair is ridiculously much!!!  Considering I don't have a job, however, even if I did have a job it would still be too much.
  

New Year......

1/3/20 -- So, here it is 2020 and nothing really has changed, for me, as of today.  I still don't have a job, which is extremely irritating.  I despise not working and for that matter, I have given up looking.  That is pretty bad, to give up, but I just got tired of getting interviews not getting anything beyond that.