I Hate Surprises.......

6/15/18 -- Well, on the way home from work, on Tuesday, I see the last message that my mom left me - and it said " I am going to the ER."  Needless to say, I got on the phone, quickly to find out what the heck is going on. She had been in the Dr's. office and had some blood work done, she has been having some symptoms that were concerning.  The Dr. ultimately told her that one of the tests indicated a possibility of a blood clot in her lungs.  So, after eating a quick supper, and a sort of heated text messaging conversation with my Aunt, I headed into my hometown, to see my mom at the hospital. 
  She wasn't upset or freaking out, or anything. Calm as a cucumber, she was.  I got the lowdown on what lead to her ending up there, and then we just talked about a variety of different things.  The dr. came in and thru talking with mom and myself, he determined that it would be a good idea to get mom started on the water pill that was just prescribed by her dr, earlier in the day.  Minutes after getting a dose of the water pill, injected into her iv, she had to go the bathroom.
  Thankfully, she didn't have to be in the hospital all that long.  The dr. wanted to admit her and do an echocardiogram in the morning.  They did and the only thing that it showed was a thickening of something around her heart or something like that.  I can't quite remember all the details that she told me and that I read.  The belief is that sleep apnea could have something to do with all that she is experiencing. The swelling of her feet, the lack of real sleep at night, the shortness of breath (????).
  I have about had it with bad stuff happening in my family!  I am done!!!!it's time for good stuff to happen, no more attacks on health, on anyone !!!!!

Grieving Pt. 2

6/9/18 -- Grieving is most definitely and individual thing.  My mom is having a chaplin come to the house for a personal counseling session.  She just isn't getting what she needs from the grieving group that she had been going to.  I am still seeing my counselor but missed getting in on a cancelation, a week or so ago.  
  I know that I am struggling because there are things around my home that I just haven't really wanted to do, typical housekeeping stuff.  I do, do it but I then wait a long time before doing it again.  Not only that, but I am having a difficult time deciding what I want to purchase from the grocery store, when it's time.  I very much prefer going to the grocery store knowing exactly what I want to buy, cause I have a menu plan.
Lately, I have had a difficult time picking out a menu, to go to the store for the groceries.  I haven't be as faithful with my faith as I should be, I have been watching way too much tv, not too sure how to change it, again.  I will work thru this, I also know that God isn't that far away from me, all I have to to is reach out and grab onto him.  All I have to do is cry out and He is there.  I haven't turned my back, by any means, just doing the studying and reading that I should be doing.
  I haven't even really been on the computer very much, either.  I really hadn't been really wanting to be on the computer, much at all.  Sucks not truly feeling like doing stuff, or not wanting to.
  I have these neighbors that have their moments of bothering me more than I want to be bothered by them.  Sometimes, they just get on my nerves because they are so needy.  The man is someone who really hasn't been able to shed his past and grow up.  His parents.
  I have texted my son asking if we could plan a weekend that I could come up to see my granddaughters?  Telling him that I want to get to know my youngest granddaughter, reacquaint myself with the older two granddaughters and of course, get to know my daughter in-law.  He did get back to me stating the he would talk with his wife.  I still haven't heard back from him.  It would be nice if I could get up there before the oldest granddaughter is going on a mission trip sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Grieving

6/3/18 -- I am very thankful that the loss of both my little sister and dad didn't happen when I was in the deepest/darkest part of my depression!  I am struggling more with this than I expected, I guess.  I am having days when I just don't want to do anything, or I really have to talk myself into doing it.  Sometimes I talk myself out of doing it. For instance - I knew that I needed to go to the bank and and the grocery store on Friday but when I woke up, I just didn't want to do anything.  I spent the biggest part of the day trying to talk myself into going to the store because I knew that I was spending the biggest part of the day with my mom, Saturday.  So, I finally talked myself into going to run those errands at about 3:30 - 4:00pm  
  I did go and spend some time with mom, yesterday.  We met at an ice cream place for lunch and dessert.  Then we went back to her place because she wanted me to help her get (what used to be our playroom)straightened up (again) so when she gets ahold of my niece to do the work on the ceiling; it won't be such a pain in the rear to remove the stuff out.  You see, my niece has plenty of experience in construction, I guess you could call it.  
  You see, my dad bought the supplies to install a drop ceiling, in the old playroom, but he never followed thru on putting it in, when he retired, for reasons that only now, we understand.
  She did tell mom, awhile ago, that she would install the drop ceiling whenever mom is ready for her to do so.  Also, mom is getting ready for an auction.  A family friend suggested an auction, to help to get rid of most of not all of dad's stuff.  Not only that but the auction has the potential of bringing in people that are interested in the type of stuff that we have to sell.  Hopefully, by doing that mom will make some decent money on the stuff that we know she could, especially if we draw in the right demographic.
  At the same time, there are things that my sister and I want, that we can have without impacting what mom can still sell.