Dreams

3/24/19 -- Has anyone ever had a reoccurring dream?  One that you have over the course of your life?
  I have --- as a matter of fact, I just had it last night.  It's really strange because it's not a scary dream; but it's a dream that while it's the same, there are elements of it that can be different but the same.  I can't figure out where the concept of this dream ever came from, outside of a book that I read many years ago.
  Dream:  I am in this huge house - at least on the inside it's huge because there is this secret passage the leads to a whole different part of the house.  I am pretty much confident that I know what triggered the dream, though.  Any way, I am in this house and for some reason, I am forced to retreat the secret part of the house, for protection.  I have lived in this secret part of the house for years.  Every once in a while, I go to the main part of the house to see what is going on outside.  Then out of terror I end up back in the secret part of the house because something terrified me.  It's seems that there were other people there and I ended up back in the main house and was prevented from getting to a secret passage, even though the man guarding the closet wasn't sure why he was posted there, I could see the confusion on his face.  Somehow, I was able to get back into the secret section, however someone followed me but this section had an extra secret place that ultimately let outside by a tricky door.  The door lead to the outside and to the main part of the secret part of the house.  I knew the way to turn the knob (or something) to be sure I got to the main part of the secret house, the person following me ended up outside and he couldn't figure out where I went.  
  At some point I woke up, thinking "why did I dream about that house, again?   You see, I have dreamed about that house/secret house many times over the years, the scenarios are different but I always end up safe.
  I have talked about the fact that I like watching Ghost Adventures, on the travel channel, once.  Anyway, I watched a new episode of the show, last night, which occurred in a hotel/casino in Reno, NV.  This hotel/casino had secret rooms in it so the owner could count the money without anyone seeing what he was doing.  I also believe those rooms were used to torture and kill people he may have thought were cheating, cause that's how the mob dealt with people they thought were cheating.  I thing the secret rooms in the hotel is what triggered the dream I had last night.

FINALLY!!!!

3/22/19 -- Finally, I start back at a printing company that I have worked for in the past, a year ago.  I happened to be at the grocery store, a couple of weeks ago, and saw someone that works at that company.  We started talking, she told me that they are busy, they have 7 temp. people and only 4 our of the 7 come to work on a regular basis.  She told me that they are behind, as a result.  So, I decided that I would email the temp. service, and call the boss of the mail room of this company.  The first email back from the temp. service said no, but the next day or so, a call came from the temp. service stating that the boss called and said they needed help.  So, my phone call worked, to the boss of the mail room.  I didn't reveal that I had a conversation with a certain someone from the mail room, but I am glad that I did.
  A direct result of that call to the boss of the mailroom, is that I start working for them on Monday.  I had to go to the clinic in the bigger city, about an hour away from me, for a drug screening and reverifying info at the office of the temp. service.  There is where I found out that I would start on Monday, like this coming Monday.  I am so glad because I really need something to keep me busy during the day, before going to babysit; not to mention the money that really comes in handy.  I also found out that I will be making more money, this year than that last time I worked for them, which is even better.

Why cont.?????

3/8/19 -- To continue from my last posting:  The title of this is "Why?"  So, why did it take so long for someone to acknowledge, to me, that they were concerned about me?  Why did it take me actually making contact in order to get the contact back?  Why do I always have to be the one to initiate the contact in order to get the response?  There are several people that I typically have contact with, yet when I know that it's been awhile since I have heard from them because I haven't made contact, why can't they make the contact first, for a change?
  I have had more contact with the man from Milwaukee, he's the one that slept with me.  I gotta admit that we are working on a plan of get together again, over night, this time around.  We have to work around his work schedule and the fact that when he has a Sunday off, but has to spend it doing household chores and/or taking his mom to church. 
  The plan that I came up with; is to have him come to my place on Saturday evening, [Saturdays are a bit shorter than the weekdays, work wise] spend the night then he can still go home on Sunday and do whatever he has to do, on Sunday.  We both have found that we want to be with each other.  I just really wish that he had way more time to spend with me and not so much time at work.  The day that he spend a couple of hours with me,  he explained more as to why he job is more consuming than he wants it to be.  His long term plan is to not be there for more than 6 or 7 years and I think that he's more than half way there.

WHY??????

3/7/19 -- So, It's been several weeks since I have been in church and no one had bothered to check in on me, til I made the effort.  I gotta admit that I am quite irritated at the fact that I had to initiate the contact before anyone one acknowledged that they had been thinking about me.  I sent an email to the Pastor of the home church I was attending before they moved to a bigger town about an hour away from me.  They had become good friends, yet busy people.  She is a Opthmologist, and he is a Pastor and they are church planters.  Anyway, I sent an email to, briefly, let them know why I have been missing church.  It was a "short and sweet" email, cause I was and still am quite irritated that I had to actually to the contacting.  A couple of days later I actually did receive a response from him.  He admitted that him and his wife and been discussing the fact that they hadn't seen me in a while.
  The email let them know that the reason that I hadn't been to church in a long while, like a month or more, by now; is partly because of the weather and more because I haven't had the gas to get to church because I am down to one very part time job.  That was the extent of the email.  I was quite irritated at the fact that I had to send something to get something in return.  I actually thought that because I hadn't been around for awhile that someone would have somehow made contact with me, to find out what was going on.  Nope, no one has made contact with me, til I made contact!
  So, their email thanked me for letting them know and acknowledged that they just had discussed my not being around, and they were worried.  When in all actuality, that is what angers me because they didn't call, text, or email me to find out what was going on.  He said that he had just gotten  back from overseas and was preparing to head out again.  He said that they were planning a trip to Monroe, so then we could "hook" up then. By we, I mean his family and I.
   Here lately I have felt pretty much all alone.  I don't have a support system close to me, anymore.  Plus, I can't get to my support system, as regularly as I had been and as I need.  My Psychiatrist won't continue reducing my medication because my counselor is leaving and that means that I have to adjust to something or someone different.  I am feeling quite numb to things that I don't think I should be numb to.