9/22/17 -- Over the last several months I have been watching a tv show, on the Travel channel, called Ghost Adventures. This show has become intriguing to me because they investigate something that I am curious about given my beliefs. The way the lead investigator investigates different places is very interesting.
The man actually does interviews with the people who are affected by the different "hauntings" that they have experienced in the places they live or work.
Some of these episodes are real compelling as to the validity of what they are looking for. I have never had doubts about the spirit world, so to see these men able to document on camera and on audio is very intriguing to me.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Long Week
9/22/17 -- This has been a long week - between working thru the loss of my little sister and still not having a job. I have been checking in with my mom on a daily basis because I really believe she feels this more than my middle sister and myself. My mom is the one who spent quite a long time taking care of my little sister. Now, she has quite an adjustment to make, however next week I believe is going to be the most difficult. We are going to be converging at my little sister's apartment to begin the process of cleaning it out. My younger sister suggested that mom not go back over there alone, and needless to say, I have to agree.
My little sister has quite a few things in her place that now needs to cleared out of there. There are things that I am going to come home with, mom will be taking home with her, and my younger sister will be taking home with her. Yet, there will be things that we will be distributing to other places because none of us will either have the room or the use for it. As I sit here and type this out, as I think about it, tears have come to my eyes. I am not looking forward to walking into that apartment knowing that she isn't there and never will be again. My younger sister has never been to that apartment, so no telling how she will react.
Two of my extended family members have been able to stick around the area this whole week which has been nice. My mom's sister and brother in-law and my cousin all decided to stay a week. My Aunt and Uncle have been spending the week in my mom's basement getting somethings organized that belong to my dad. I do believe that my Aunt's decision to remain here, til this morning, has done more than "lighten the load" for my mom. It has meant way more that mom can even convey to have one of her sisters stay here.
It was nice to be able to spend some time with my cousin, while she has been here. She had intended on leaving on Wednesday, but her husband suggested that she stay the rest of the week: come to find out he was taking the opportunity to do some retiling of their upstairs bathroom and had gotten called into work one of the days so he was behind. She is leaving early tomorrow morning. She has been staying with my younger sister this whole time.
My little sister has quite a few things in her place that now needs to cleared out of there. There are things that I am going to come home with, mom will be taking home with her, and my younger sister will be taking home with her. Yet, there will be things that we will be distributing to other places because none of us will either have the room or the use for it. As I sit here and type this out, as I think about it, tears have come to my eyes. I am not looking forward to walking into that apartment knowing that she isn't there and never will be again. My younger sister has never been to that apartment, so no telling how she will react.
Two of my extended family members have been able to stick around the area this whole week which has been nice. My mom's sister and brother in-law and my cousin all decided to stay a week. My Aunt and Uncle have been spending the week in my mom's basement getting somethings organized that belong to my dad. I do believe that my Aunt's decision to remain here, til this morning, has done more than "lighten the load" for my mom. It has meant way more that mom can even convey to have one of her sisters stay here.
It was nice to be able to spend some time with my cousin, while she has been here. She had intended on leaving on Wednesday, but her husband suggested that she stay the rest of the week: come to find out he was taking the opportunity to do some retiling of their upstairs bathroom and had gotten called into work one of the days so he was behind. She is leaving early tomorrow morning. She has been staying with my younger sister this whole time.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
My cat
The top photo is of my pretty Penni laying on my text book, for class. She just can seem to leave me alone when I am at my desk, so I have to find away to work around her being in the way.
The second photo is ms Penni curled up on my desk because she just has to be close to me, at least for the first half hour or so, in the morning, after I have gotten out of bed.
She is quite the pistol of a cat.
Monday, September 18, 2017
It's Over
9/18/17 -- Well, the Celebration of Life service is over!!!
I have to admit that I am so very glad it's over. It was so very nice to see the family that drove up and over here to see us and to support us, but the service itself is over, for that I am glad. 3 of my dad's sister came up, then they went to see him. 2 of my mom's sisters and 1 brother came up and it was wonderful to see all of them. Oh, and one cousin also made the drive. Our cousin is staying with my younger sister the others stayed in a motel/hotel. My dad's 3 sisters left yesterday morning and one sister, and brother of my mom's left yesterday morning, as well. One sister and brother in-law came and they are still here. My son and daughter in-law also came. It was so wonderful to see them, yet I received a "icy" reception, sort of, from them. My son, sort of, hugged and I made sure the my daughter in-law knew that I was very glad they came.
There was so many other people that were there that I hadn't seen in a very, very long time. It was great to see them even tho the circumstances weren't ideal.
The "sermon" was absolutely wonderful and I definitely saw a difference in my son, after the service. He did stick around during the meal after, but he didn't eat, that I noticed. He was more receptive to me after the service than before. He hugged me better and spoke to me better, as well. I was able to get more info on the deal with school. It is full time but I do believe that Leesa is picking up the slack by doing more photo sessions, since she is a photographer that isn't too difficult.
I have to admit that I am so very glad it's over. It was so very nice to see the family that drove up and over here to see us and to support us, but the service itself is over, for that I am glad. 3 of my dad's sister came up, then they went to see him. 2 of my mom's sisters and 1 brother came up and it was wonderful to see all of them. Oh, and one cousin also made the drive. Our cousin is staying with my younger sister the others stayed in a motel/hotel. My dad's 3 sisters left yesterday morning and one sister, and brother of my mom's left yesterday morning, as well. One sister and brother in-law came and they are still here. My son and daughter in-law also came. It was so wonderful to see them, yet I received a "icy" reception, sort of, from them. My son, sort of, hugged and I made sure the my daughter in-law knew that I was very glad they came.
There was so many other people that were there that I hadn't seen in a very, very long time. It was great to see them even tho the circumstances weren't ideal.
The "sermon" was absolutely wonderful and I definitely saw a difference in my son, after the service. He did stick around during the meal after, but he didn't eat, that I noticed. He was more receptive to me after the service than before. He hugged me better and spoke to me better, as well. I was able to get more info on the deal with school. It is full time but I do believe that Leesa is picking up the slack by doing more photo sessions, since she is a photographer that isn't too difficult.
Thursday, September 14, 2017
Can't Wait.......
9/14/17 -- I have to admit that I can't wait til this Celebration of Life service is over and done with. I have bee dealing with a headache that just won't completely go away. There are times I just feel dizzy, and just don't want to deal with this crap anymore.
However, I have all for of my treats made and in a container. I made two of them yesterday, and two today, cause I knew that I didn't want to do them all in one day. Tomorrow I will be in my hometown helping my mom and other sister go thru and choose pictures that mom wants to put on a poster board or two. I have one other project that I have yet to complete, and that is transforming a shoe box into a card receiver. I have a shoe box that I need to decorate/cover so that is looks a lot better than it does now.
I got so frustrated with the skill in the book that I was working on, for school that I gave up, and completed it in class. However, I was satisfied just leaving it uncompleted own computer, so I tackled it and finally figured it out. I was making it way more difficult than it needed to be. I deleted that page that I started and started over and boom! got it done. Then I went ahead and completed the other lesson with, no where near the hassle, I had with the other lesson.
It feels so good when I can figure out what I am doing wrong and fix it. Sometimes it is just so simple as starting all over. Also, it didn't take as long as it did while I was following step by step, in other words, while I was learning. The thing is; I have tried doing it with the last laptop I had but I didn't know the names of the processes and I had a harder time figuring things out.
My mental status is pretty good. My Psychiatrist wouldn't even consider reducing my meds anymore, til this grieving passes and I get a job. The thing is, I haven't had a job for three months, and this is so extremely annoying.
However, I have all for of my treats made and in a container. I made two of them yesterday, and two today, cause I knew that I didn't want to do them all in one day. Tomorrow I will be in my hometown helping my mom and other sister go thru and choose pictures that mom wants to put on a poster board or two. I have one other project that I have yet to complete, and that is transforming a shoe box into a card receiver. I have a shoe box that I need to decorate/cover so that is looks a lot better than it does now.
I got so frustrated with the skill in the book that I was working on, for school that I gave up, and completed it in class. However, I was satisfied just leaving it uncompleted own computer, so I tackled it and finally figured it out. I was making it way more difficult than it needed to be. I deleted that page that I started and started over and boom! got it done. Then I went ahead and completed the other lesson with, no where near the hassle, I had with the other lesson.
It feels so good when I can figure out what I am doing wrong and fix it. Sometimes it is just so simple as starting all over. Also, it didn't take as long as it did while I was following step by step, in other words, while I was learning. The thing is; I have tried doing it with the last laptop I had but I didn't know the names of the processes and I had a harder time figuring things out.
My mental status is pretty good. My Psychiatrist wouldn't even consider reducing my meds anymore, til this grieving passes and I get a job. The thing is, I haven't had a job for three months, and this is so extremely annoying.
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Dealing with Death
9/12/17 -- So, my little sister died on Labor Day, last monday. This coming Saturday we are having a Celebration of Life Service, commemorate her life. It made better sense to me to have a Celebration of Life service rather than a Memorial Service because my sister wouldn't want us to NOT CRY, not only that but I know that there will be people there that will tell us how or what my sister did to effect their lives.
I don't know that I am ready to hear all the different things from the different people. I don't like being in a state of tears for an extended period of time, but oh well, such is life for this upcoming day.
I am in the mood to bake so coming up, Thursday, I will be baking up a bunch of cookies and bars. I have chosen 4 different types of sweets to make. I guess my sister other younger sister is making other types of food, cause that's what she does, she can cook in mass quantities whereas I can bake in may quantity much better. I love to cook and bake but baking is my most favorite. Mom asked me if I would bring some flavored water, which I will do, plus some frozen pink
lemonade.
I have to admit that I am more concerned about my mom, making sure that she adjusts ok and is able to do the things around the house that need done, especially concerning all the thing that she is still grappling with as a result of dad being in a nursing home. I want to make sure she knows that she has plenty to keep her busy and plenty of people that still love her, just don't need as much of her time as my little sister occupied.
I have no doubt that my mom will be able to move on, she knows that she is loved and has plenty of people to talk to, yet I just want to be sure.
I don't know that I am ready to hear all the different things from the different people. I don't like being in a state of tears for an extended period of time, but oh well, such is life for this upcoming day.
I am in the mood to bake so coming up, Thursday, I will be baking up a bunch of cookies and bars. I have chosen 4 different types of sweets to make. I guess my sister other younger sister is making other types of food, cause that's what she does, she can cook in mass quantities whereas I can bake in may quantity much better. I love to cook and bake but baking is my most favorite. Mom asked me if I would bring some flavored water, which I will do, plus some frozen pink
lemonade.
I have to admit that I am more concerned about my mom, making sure that she adjusts ok and is able to do the things around the house that need done, especially concerning all the thing that she is still grappling with as a result of dad being in a nursing home. I want to make sure she knows that she has plenty to keep her busy and plenty of people that still love her, just don't need as much of her time as my little sister occupied.
I have no doubt that my mom will be able to move on, she knows that she is loved and has plenty of people to talk to, yet I just want to be sure.
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
Death has Come
9/5/17 -- Well, death has come to my little sister, yesterday. She just stopped breathing as the CNAs were cleaning her up. Mom is there, she has just backed up out of the aids way. Just over a week after being released from the hospital for the last time.
Also, I realized last night, that she died 1 year and 3 days after my friend died from cancer. I just don't know how to feel.
Thankfully, I do know that she is in heaven with our Lord, dancing and doing flips and all things that she couldn't do here on earth.
I was too upset to drive to the Nursing home, mom didn't want me to drive. Besides the fact that there wasn't anything that I could do. She was being cleaned up and stuff will be packed up that belonged to Darla. Two of my nieces and a long time family friend met my mom at the nursing home. One of my nieces drove her home with the other one leading the pack on the way home. I took a shower then met mom at the house. We now have to plan the memorial service. I was able to make some arrangements as to the possible location. There is a church, in Freeport, that I have attended, that I spoke to the Pastor, and was able to get his ok to have the Memorial service at that Church.
We don't want to have to pay anything or not much to have the service.
Also, I realized last night, that she died 1 year and 3 days after my friend died from cancer. I just don't know how to feel.
Thankfully, I do know that she is in heaven with our Lord, dancing and doing flips and all things that she couldn't do here on earth.
I was too upset to drive to the Nursing home, mom didn't want me to drive. Besides the fact that there wasn't anything that I could do. She was being cleaned up and stuff will be packed up that belonged to Darla. Two of my nieces and a long time family friend met my mom at the nursing home. One of my nieces drove her home with the other one leading the pack on the way home. I took a shower then met mom at the house. We now have to plan the memorial service. I was able to make some arrangements as to the possible location. There is a church, in Freeport, that I have attended, that I spoke to the Pastor, and was able to get his ok to have the Memorial service at that Church.
We don't want to have to pay anything or not much to have the service.
Monday, September 4, 2017
Time
9/4/17 -- There are times when "time" sucks........
My little sister is gone...She passed away
This morning ðŸ˜
But...she is whole and doing all the things that she could never do, here on this earth, in Heaven.
My little sister is gone...She passed away
This morning ðŸ˜
But...she is whole and doing all the things that she could never do, here on this earth, in Heaven.
Friday, September 1, 2017
Death coming
9/1/17 -- Surgery was a success, I guess, as because I haven't done the same motions that started and enflamed the nerves.
Yesterday, I went and visited my sister, my mom was already there. My sisters had 5 seizures while were there These seizures are scary for me, as I had never witnessed her having seizures before. She has had them when she was little, til she was given medication to control them. Mom and I both know that these seizures are a result of toxins are building up in her body, due to her kidneys failing. I can't even begin to explain how this makes me feel. I have zero words to explain how this makes me. Watching a family member die, really sucks; at the same time watching my mom, watch my little sister die just makes this all the more difficult.
I am still dealing with thoughts of crawling into a hole to escape this craziness! Yet, I know that really won't do me any good. I never expected to have to deal with death in my family, so close to me. It is one thing to deal with the death with Grandparents but not with my sister or anyone this close to me.
It's one thing to experience "loss" in the sense of being shut out of my son's life but something completely different when the loss is real, death.
I am very thankful that I have people that I can reach out to, so that I don't sink into a place that I don't want to go, ever again!
I am having trouble with describing what I feel.
The ironic thing is that one other family that I know is also experiencing the decline of a family member. The mom of a friend is dying due to colon cancer.
Yesterday, I went and visited my sister, my mom was already there. My sisters had 5 seizures while were there These seizures are scary for me, as I had never witnessed her having seizures before. She has had them when she was little, til she was given medication to control them. Mom and I both know that these seizures are a result of toxins are building up in her body, due to her kidneys failing. I can't even begin to explain how this makes me feel. I have zero words to explain how this makes me. Watching a family member die, really sucks; at the same time watching my mom, watch my little sister die just makes this all the more difficult.
I am still dealing with thoughts of crawling into a hole to escape this craziness! Yet, I know that really won't do me any good. I never expected to have to deal with death in my family, so close to me. It is one thing to deal with the death with Grandparents but not with my sister or anyone this close to me.
It's one thing to experience "loss" in the sense of being shut out of my son's life but something completely different when the loss is real, death.
I am very thankful that I have people that I can reach out to, so that I don't sink into a place that I don't want to go, ever again!
I am having trouble with describing what I feel.
The ironic thing is that one other family that I know is also experiencing the decline of a family member. The mom of a friend is dying due to colon cancer.
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