Once Again

12/30/18 -- Welp, the holidays are here, altho, they are almost done, thank goodness. I have to say that the holidays aren't exactly the funnest of times for me, at this point in time.  I have had too many people, in my family, pass way over the last year along with the fact that I am still not able to spend any time with my granddaughters.  So, this years group of holidays aren't exactly leaping for joy or fun.  I have even decided to scale back the frequency of messages to my son simply  because he has be rude and dishonoring by not responding to the messages within a reasonable amount of time. It's quite disheartening and discouraging to not get any response whatsoever, with regards to spending time with them.  So, I am pretty
much done sending messages as frequently as I had been.
  I am not giving up, not by a long shot!  I am going to send them a care package with some cookies, and a card.  I do know the way to my son's stomach, I am pretty much sure that hasn't changed much.  Not to mention the fact that I know the girls will enjoy the goodies too.  I just wish I could have made them with the girls, but oh well, someday.
  I am just not going to drive myself crazy. I was talking to my Uncle about all the rudeness going on and he basically told me to stop driving myself crazy, then defined crazy as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."  Of course, he did talk to me about different thing associated with the difficulty that my son is presenting to me and explaining how I should approach or not approach the situation.
  My Uncle brought up something that I am still having issues with trying to understand but I still have to figure out what to do so that I am not spending my life waiting on my son.  I do so feel like I am waiting on him, instead of doing something.  However, I don't know what to do or what I should be doing.  I feeling my life is in a kind of limbo because I don't what I would like to do, but it depends on our reconciliation, at least in my mind it does.  I have this situation of only two jobs neither of which support me sufficiently enough for me to completely content.

Holidays

12/14/18 -- So, the holidays are creeping up, as in Christmas and New Years Eve and New years day.  Once again I will more than  likely won't be seeing my grandchildren.  I haven't heard a peep from my son concerning the visiting of my grandchildren.  I am and can get so irritated about this but it really doesn't do me much good.  However, I am not really liking the fact that I will most likely not see them when in fact there was a glimmer of hope from my son, at the memorial service of my dad.  Then there's the do I allow my feelings to be hurt or just be irritated?  I don't even know.  I know that I am spending the night in Beloit this coming Saturday night with some friends who have a large family and I have come to know, quite well.  Altho, since they moved to Beloit I have really missed my time with them.  I used to be able to get my fill of them on a regular basis, but it has been so much more difficult due to the distance and how busy they have become since starting the church.
  I am still not quite sure what I should do concerning my employment status.  There are parts of me that completely enjoys what I am doing and really just want some sort of job that will fill in some time four out of the five day; which would be a very part time job.  Then there is the whole, I don't know that I am satisfied with the fact that I am not making enough to support myself as effectively as I prefer.  I like the childcare that I am doing but not happy that it's not supportive enough.

Title, What Title??

12/3/18 -- I had a text conversation with my uncle concerning the last of response that I get from my son, whenever I text him concerning spending time with him and his children.  He seemed to think that I could be bitter, however, I am so more frustrated with my son, than anything else.  This is a child that said that he wanted me to start getting to know the children, but he is the one that has been most uncooperative in that area.  My uncle then suggested that I stop texting and requesting to spend time with them, but then if I do that; I am accused of not wanted to see my grandchildren.  Consequently, I have to to keep showing that I want to spend time with them, just do my darnedest to not expect a response even tho it is so rude to not respond in a reasonable amount of time.
  Also have rely on prayer cause I know that God isn't done restoring this relationship.  We are still at the very beginning unfortunately there is no forcing someone to continue the process, he has to be ready as does she.  She may be the one that isn't ready despite what she says.