3/31/17 -- So, I still don't have a job. The "slim hope" I thought I had is gone. I never got the second interview, let alone the job. I had another interview at a different place and so far nothing has come from that. It was as a result of applying on a Temp. job site.
I have started back at the family that I was working for before, they called me back and since I had nothing else come up, I pretty much had to take it. I have mixed feelings on this because I don't trust her anymore, and I can't take the instability anymore. I was something more stable and where I do a little more than just barely stay above water, financially.
I had a real nice and partially surprising visit from a very close and dear friend of mine. This woman and her husband moved from this town several years ago but we have stayed in touch. I have gone for visits and she was very instrumental in my recovery from the deep, chronic depression. Anyway, her and her husband came for a visit as they were already gonna be in town for an appt. to get their taxes done. (something I have yet to do myself) The surprise part of this visit was; the morning before they headed into town, she texted me requesting a list of groceries that I either need or would need. Now, mind you, she isn't some one that I argue with, just because she will win. 😉
Now, when they got to my place her and her husband had a number of grocery bags, with food and some paper products even a bag of cat food. She also brought some flowers which I have had to leave either cover with the bag they came in or sitting out on my deck in a vase, of course, but to keep my cat from eating the flowers. I can't even communicate
just how much their delivery/visit meant to me. She also left me a card that had a surprise in it, something that I was most definitely able to put to good use.
To me she is the symbol of a true friend. I don't have too many people in my life that I can honestly say are my true friends. She is most definitely the only one that I can say that about. She makes me feel so much apart of her family when I go and visit -- there was one visit where I stayed there for 3 full days and it was a very relaxing time for me. I slept a lot and spent a lot of time just reading and resting. I felt so refreshed when I had to come home. I have to admit, I really didn't want to come home because I could have used more R&R but I needed to get home. My cats needed me and I did need to return to go back to work, the next day. Anyway, she allowed me to get the rest that I needed at that time.
So, going to work today was going to be short due to keeping within the hours that I know that the man of the house, wants to pay me: anyway I got there and she immediately tells me the negative stuff that her fiancee, allegedly said about her meal last night. That just sets me off on a not so good mood or frame of mind because nothing gets "under my skin" more than when a man "cuts a woman down" for something that she tried to do. I have thought about it since being home, and remembered that she doesn't always tell me the complete truth. Any how, I didn't treat anyone badly, I quickly put together spaghetti using the left over chicken breasts from their dinner, last night. I told her that was their supper for tonight and she could put together a salad and other veggies. I also told her that if "her man" wasn't happy then he could get a second helping of the spaghetti and salad or he can fix himself something else instead of ordering or going to get something from a restaurant! He seems to conveniently forget that she isn't that experienced and doesn't know how to read that well, so telling her to start using the cook book he bought her. I told her that he needs to sit down with her and help her to choose recipes out of that cook book because he's the one that seems to have issues with what she cooks. They both need to menu plan together that way there is enough food for him at every meal. It seems that he thinks that he needs to eat more than anyone that I know. When in actuality he can go for seconds or add bread to his meal. Goodness know they always have plenty of pasta and bread in the house. I honestly don't know if he did say anything all that negative or not. This is why I don't know how much I can handle of this household.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Slim but New Hope
3/25/17 -- So, I apparently jumped to a conclusion about the job that I interviewed for. I ended up making a follow-up call and low and behold they handn't filled the position, yet. He was preparing to schedule second interviews, so I was to wait for him to call in regards to that. Yet, he didn't specifically say when he was going to call. I waited til Thursday to check in and he was off, so I left my name and number expecting to hear back from him, yesterday; yet I didn't hear from him, again. So, now I either need to call him today or on Monday. You know, it pretty much annoys me when people don't call when they say they will. I completely despise waiting to hear about when I am getting a second interview or not.
Earlier this week, some friends stopped by blessing me with some groceries and some flowers. I think I have mentioned on here that I have a cat that eats my flowers or anything green that I would bring into my home. Well, these flowers have been either covered with the plastic that they came with (when I am gone or in bed at night) or sitting outside on my deck, when it's nice. Or I am in the same room to keep a certain cat from chewing off the flowers. So, these flowers have lasted little longer, they are still beautiful and smell good, too. By the way, I do very much appreciate the groceries, too. They had a card for me too, when I opened that I was quite surprised to find some money, of which has come in handy. I have such wonderful Godly friends.
Now, I just hope that a job comes soon, I don't care if I have to relocate. I really have nothing that is holding me to staying in my current location. I would say that all the "ducks" would have to be in a row, for me to relocate to another city, tho. Moving requires money, something of which I am pretty low on.
Earlier this week, some friends stopped by blessing me with some groceries and some flowers. I think I have mentioned on here that I have a cat that eats my flowers or anything green that I would bring into my home. Well, these flowers have been either covered with the plastic that they came with (when I am gone or in bed at night) or sitting outside on my deck, when it's nice. Or I am in the same room to keep a certain cat from chewing off the flowers. So, these flowers have lasted little longer, they are still beautiful and smell good, too. By the way, I do very much appreciate the groceries, too. They had a card for me too, when I opened that I was quite surprised to find some money, of which has come in handy. I have such wonderful Godly friends.
Now, I just hope that a job comes soon, I don't care if I have to relocate. I really have nothing that is holding me to staying in my current location. I would say that all the "ducks" would have to be in a row, for me to relocate to another city, tho. Moving requires money, something of which I am pretty low on.
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Disappointed
3/19/17 -- So, 2 weeks ago, I put an application at a local car dealership, with the hopes of getting the job, naturally. You see I have been unemployed for 3 weeks ish, anyway I was called for an interview which ended up being scheduled for this past Tuesday. I went for the interview, which was quite short. One of the shortest interviews of that kind that I have ever had. I did learn that this job was to become more than I thought it was supposed to be. I initially thought it was to be part time, but it was a full time job with benefits and the ultimate goal of working from home, after a year. Mind you, this job was something that I really wanted, something that I have wanted since I graduated from High School. The man that interviewed me said that there was two other people that he was to interview and that by Friday he would let us know one way or another. Well.....needless to say, he didn't keep his word on letting me know one way or another this past Friday, like he said he would. By 5pm I figured that I didn't get the job, because I didn't hear from him.
I can't even describe just how disappointed I was, by the end of Friday. I had post phoned doing anything that would take me away from my phone for too long, so that I wouldn't miss the call.
I was so disappointed that I ended up not doing something that I had planned on doing. I decided that I just needed to allow myself the time to pout, and complain to God til I come back around to the fact that God has something better in mind for me. I really really wanted that job, not just for the money but because it really is something that I know I would have enjoyed. Now of course, there is always something that God knows that I don't know, for He knows everything--so it's completely possible that there was something about the location that He didn't want me to work or expose myself too, who knows,....... He does. The hardest part of this situation is that I have always had a difficult time completely trust God where my finances are concerned, so this is a true test for me. Whenever I have run into situations like this I have relied on my mom, I would ask her for help. My mom, never has had a problem with helping me out. Now, I am really trying not to ask her, if she offers then I will accept, but I am really restraining myself from just asking her. I am trusting (doing my best) in God
to completely provide for my needs, both in paying my bills and helping me find a job.
It's nice knowing that God doesn't mind when we need to complain, or even pout. He wants us to come to Him with all our problems rather than internalizing it and becoming depressed and such like that. I did just that, vented and expressed how much that I wanted that job, and that I just didn't quite understand and all that stuff. However, I have come around to the fact that God has something even better for me, now even tho I don't, yet, know what that is and why He didn't allow for me to have that job, I am working my way to being ok with that. I have successfully been able to stay away from the darkness that can easily suck me back in, if I let it. I will admit that I did have one thought of suicide cross my mind, but that thought didn't stick around long at all. I have zero desire for going back to that darkness. Instead, I have been rereading a devotional that was forwarded to me, a couple of weeks ago, and going back to the promises that God showed over the last couple of years.
I haven't quit looking for a job, I want to work but God only know what He wants me to do.
I can't even describe just how disappointed I was, by the end of Friday. I had post phoned doing anything that would take me away from my phone for too long, so that I wouldn't miss the call.
I was so disappointed that I ended up not doing something that I had planned on doing. I decided that I just needed to allow myself the time to pout, and complain to God til I come back around to the fact that God has something better in mind for me. I really really wanted that job, not just for the money but because it really is something that I know I would have enjoyed. Now of course, there is always something that God knows that I don't know, for He knows everything--so it's completely possible that there was something about the location that He didn't want me to work or expose myself too, who knows,....... He does. The hardest part of this situation is that I have always had a difficult time completely trust God where my finances are concerned, so this is a true test for me. Whenever I have run into situations like this I have relied on my mom, I would ask her for help. My mom, never has had a problem with helping me out. Now, I am really trying not to ask her, if she offers then I will accept, but I am really restraining myself from just asking her. I am trusting (doing my best) in God
to completely provide for my needs, both in paying my bills and helping me find a job.
It's nice knowing that God doesn't mind when we need to complain, or even pout. He wants us to come to Him with all our problems rather than internalizing it and becoming depressed and such like that. I did just that, vented and expressed how much that I wanted that job, and that I just didn't quite understand and all that stuff. However, I have come around to the fact that God has something even better for me, now even tho I don't, yet, know what that is and why He didn't allow for me to have that job, I am working my way to being ok with that. I have successfully been able to stay away from the darkness that can easily suck me back in, if I let it. I will admit that I did have one thought of suicide cross my mind, but that thought didn't stick around long at all. I have zero desire for going back to that darkness. Instead, I have been rereading a devotional that was forwarded to me, a couple of weeks ago, and going back to the promises that God showed over the last couple of years.
I haven't quit looking for a job, I want to work but God only know what He wants me to do.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Hum Drum
3/7/17 -- What a funky funk that I find myself in. I have no particular reason, that I can figure out, but I am in a funk. I suppose it could be because I have been out of a job for 2 weeks give or take. I seriously don't like being jobless.
Then there is the fact the "man" in my life seems like he's playing games with me. I really wish he would just make up his mind in determining whether I am important enough to make some sacrifices so we can see each other. Or, just come right out and tell me that it's not going to work out between us and let me go. I really don't like not really knowing the whole truth about him. I don't like that he works, allegedly, so much then says he would try to come for a visit, this past Sunday, but then doesn't. Oh and by the way, he said that he would let me know for sure whether he was coming or not. He did neither of those things, let alone respond to why questions as to whether he was really coming for a visit. I really don't know what to make of this, or I should say, I don't like what I am thinking about it. I don't like that there are these suspicious thought running thru my head, but I can't help it. He still, apparently doesn't have a personal phone, cause he drop it and someone else picked it up. I am sure that he has a work phone but because of his work hours, he never gets off work to get to a phone store to pick up a new one. I just don't know. Thankfully, I haven't really invested too much into him, emotionally because of being on guard.
God is the only one who knows what is going on with him,
my man. I don't like being played with, taken advantage of, or anything of the sort. I waited to hear from him this past Sunday evening as to whether he was coming for a visit but never hear from him. After about an hour + I decided to go to bed. I am disappointed.
Then there is the fact the "man" in my life seems like he's playing games with me. I really wish he would just make up his mind in determining whether I am important enough to make some sacrifices so we can see each other. Or, just come right out and tell me that it's not going to work out between us and let me go. I really don't like not really knowing the whole truth about him. I don't like that he works, allegedly, so much then says he would try to come for a visit, this past Sunday, but then doesn't. Oh and by the way, he said that he would let me know for sure whether he was coming or not. He did neither of those things, let alone respond to why questions as to whether he was really coming for a visit. I really don't know what to make of this, or I should say, I don't like what I am thinking about it. I don't like that there are these suspicious thought running thru my head, but I can't help it. He still, apparently doesn't have a personal phone, cause he drop it and someone else picked it up. I am sure that he has a work phone but because of his work hours, he never gets off work to get to a phone store to pick up a new one. I just don't know. Thankfully, I haven't really invested too much into him, emotionally because of being on guard.
God is the only one who knows what is going on with him,
my man. I don't like being played with, taken advantage of, or anything of the sort. I waited to hear from him this past Sunday evening as to whether he was coming for a visit but never hear from him. After about an hour + I decided to go to bed. I am disappointed.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Thoughts
3/2/17 -- What a weird couple of days. Yesterday, I went back to the GYN for a recheck and all is good. Apparently, I have a skin condition that this cream is the only thing that seems to clear it. Thankfully, it can't turn cancerous or anything bad like that.
Sunday night I had the most difficult night of sleep - I woke up with stuffed up nose and couldn't breathe properly if at all. Couple that with two stupid/scary dreams. Amazing what our minds can obsess about even if you think that you aren't. My "time of the month" started and I was concerned as to whether that would interfere with the recheck or not. I did call and inquire it was fine so long as it wasn't too heavy.
Then I had a borderline scary dream, that went a good chunk of the night, it was one of those dreams that made you kind of afraid of going back to sleep. I truly despise it when my mind wonders into things that I shouldn't be worrying about.
The recheck came out better than what my mind was thinking it would. I don't know why my thoughts were going to the worst when it really wasn't all that serious, just on the surface.
Then last night was another night where I really only slept for 4 hours. This time I woke up with something on my mind that just wouldn't go away. I had a conversation with someone, while I was a church helping out AWANA, that conversation seems to have really stuck with me. I don't even know why, specifically, anyway. The things that she told me do bother me tho, because it just seems to be that people aren't as easy to befriend as what it seems they should be. I don't know what it is, but cliques are just a pain in the rear simply because when an outsider and new people come it, they can't seem to break in. I have had that experience when I entered the one church I was attending, it just seems so strange that people can't seem to practice what they are preached.
Sunday night I had the most difficult night of sleep - I woke up with stuffed up nose and couldn't breathe properly if at all. Couple that with two stupid/scary dreams. Amazing what our minds can obsess about even if you think that you aren't. My "time of the month" started and I was concerned as to whether that would interfere with the recheck or not. I did call and inquire it was fine so long as it wasn't too heavy.
Then I had a borderline scary dream, that went a good chunk of the night, it was one of those dreams that made you kind of afraid of going back to sleep. I truly despise it when my mind wonders into things that I shouldn't be worrying about.
The recheck came out better than what my mind was thinking it would. I don't know why my thoughts were going to the worst when it really wasn't all that serious, just on the surface.
Then last night was another night where I really only slept for 4 hours. This time I woke up with something on my mind that just wouldn't go away. I had a conversation with someone, while I was a church helping out AWANA, that conversation seems to have really stuck with me. I don't even know why, specifically, anyway. The things that she told me do bother me tho, because it just seems to be that people aren't as easy to befriend as what it seems they should be. I don't know what it is, but cliques are just a pain in the rear simply because when an outsider and new people come it, they can't seem to break in. I have had that experience when I entered the one church I was attending, it just seems so strange that people can't seem to practice what they are preached.
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