4/20/17 -- So, last Tuesday I started a new job, an actual punch in and punch out job. I sit at a computer pretty much all day. I like it, much better than working with the family that I had been working for, more money and lot quieter.
I have this friend who had started this weight loss plan call whole30, I am not going to go into details because it is too difficult to describe. Her daughter worked thru this plan and it changed her way of eating. So my friend, is also going to be working thru this weight loss plan, I have decided to do the same thing. I have decided to because I have definite weight to lose, and meds I would love to get off of. I would enjoy being able to get back into some jeans that are just sitting in my dresser, and a couple of shirts that I would like to fit better.
I have partially implemented the whole30 plan, over the last 2 weeks, as I have been considering doing a change up in my eating anyway. I am definitely still working on some of the details, like recipes to keep things from getting too boring, because I don't like boring and I want flavor, too. I will keep you posted on how this works out for me.
It looks like my job will be lasting longer than 3 weeks, I am very happy with that. However I don't know how much longer past next week. I have a strong desire to not go back to the childcare job that I was doing. I do want something more permanent but this is better paying than what I was getting before.
Friday, April 21, 2017
Sunday, April 9, 2017
Something Else Cont.........
4/9/17 -- To continue from my previous posting about my dad.
My dad went into a Nursing Facility, last late fall, like right around my parents anniversary. Needless to say, the was a very difficult day for my mom.
The hardest process for my mom has been slowly but surely going thru the process of gathering info in their financial situation, as well as, applying for state aid for the paying of the Nursing Facility. I am not completely sure what else my mom deals with because she doesn't really talk about it much.
There has been so much that we had learned about the habits of dad, over the last several months. He had a safety deposit box, that he never told anyone about, a collection of pennies in a ammo box, quite heavy to pick up. Nothing like finding magazines, videos, and candy around his work station, in the basement.
I gotta admit that seeing my dad needing help because he just can't do as many things for himself anymore, is very difficult. I have a very difficult time seeing him in the nursing facility, so sorry to say, I don't go there as often as my sister might. I think my sister tries to go down for a visit at least once a week but I just can't do that. I go down and visit with my mom, then we go together to see my dad. The thing is, this man doesn't talk much and there are just something that I have a hard time helping my dad with, whereas mom can do it with no problem. I also have to admit, to some degree, I am irritated with my middle sister because she has decided that now is the time to become involved with what is going on with our parents. She has been keeping her family away from our parents for the last 10 years if not more. She still doesn't talk much to me, which is so irritating. However, I guess that I have to deal with my irritation, not let it get to deep inside so it doesn't get in the way of my relationship with God.
I hope that at some point I will get to a place that I am somewhat more comfortable with visiting with my dad, without my mom. She ends out going out there sometimes twice a day because Dad actually wants want her there for supper. She goes out there and takes him to supper, then afterwards, she puts him to bed, then she comes home. It's been interesting because for a number of years dad has behaved like he didn't want mom around and now he gets mad if she isn't around for supper. Whatever is going on in his brain had somewhat changed his personality. I am not complaining about the change either, because he gives kisses much better than he used to. He most definitely still has his stubborn attitude, and his grumpiness when he wants to be.
I have no doubt that there will be more very interesting stuff that we will discover over the next several months.
Dad's neurologist has strongly encouraged mom to take dad to another neurologist in a very familiar hospital, for second opinion. She wants to be sure that she hasn't missed anything. You see, it is totally possible that a different neurologist could look at all the results of the tests and MRI and actually see something that she has missed. Thereby giving us some sort of a diagnosis that may or may not be treatable. At the very least we would have a direction and a knowledge of how to proceed or what to expect.
My dad went into a Nursing Facility, last late fall, like right around my parents anniversary. Needless to say, the was a very difficult day for my mom.
The hardest process for my mom has been slowly but surely going thru the process of gathering info in their financial situation, as well as, applying for state aid for the paying of the Nursing Facility. I am not completely sure what else my mom deals with because she doesn't really talk about it much.
There has been so much that we had learned about the habits of dad, over the last several months. He had a safety deposit box, that he never told anyone about, a collection of pennies in a ammo box, quite heavy to pick up. Nothing like finding magazines, videos, and candy around his work station, in the basement.
I gotta admit that seeing my dad needing help because he just can't do as many things for himself anymore, is very difficult. I have a very difficult time seeing him in the nursing facility, so sorry to say, I don't go there as often as my sister might. I think my sister tries to go down for a visit at least once a week but I just can't do that. I go down and visit with my mom, then we go together to see my dad. The thing is, this man doesn't talk much and there are just something that I have a hard time helping my dad with, whereas mom can do it with no problem. I also have to admit, to some degree, I am irritated with my middle sister because she has decided that now is the time to become involved with what is going on with our parents. She has been keeping her family away from our parents for the last 10 years if not more. She still doesn't talk much to me, which is so irritating. However, I guess that I have to deal with my irritation, not let it get to deep inside so it doesn't get in the way of my relationship with God.
I hope that at some point I will get to a place that I am somewhat more comfortable with visiting with my dad, without my mom. She ends out going out there sometimes twice a day because Dad actually wants want her there for supper. She goes out there and takes him to supper, then afterwards, she puts him to bed, then she comes home. It's been interesting because for a number of years dad has behaved like he didn't want mom around and now he gets mad if she isn't around for supper. Whatever is going on in his brain had somewhat changed his personality. I am not complaining about the change either, because he gives kisses much better than he used to. He most definitely still has his stubborn attitude, and his grumpiness when he wants to be.
I have no doubt that there will be more very interesting stuff that we will discover over the next several months.
Dad's neurologist has strongly encouraged mom to take dad to another neurologist in a very familiar hospital, for second opinion. She wants to be sure that she hasn't missed anything. You see, it is totally possible that a different neurologist could look at all the results of the tests and MRI and actually see something that she has missed. Thereby giving us some sort of a diagnosis that may or may not be treatable. At the very least we would have a direction and a knowledge of how to proceed or what to expect.
Something Else........
4/9/17 -- There is something else that I haven't discussed in a while; that is my dad.
My dad is a 6'4" tall man, who, when I was younger (he was younger, of course too) was mean,intimidating, and worked a lot. He was never involved in my sisters' or my lives emotionally. He never went to any performance that we had or anything. He did very few and I mean very few things with us girls or with the whole family. However, I no have a couple of good memories, that I know my younger sisters don't have. Dad did take me fishing with him, 2x. One time he took me to the local park that has a small river/big creek running thru the middle of it. Back then, you could walk across the dam and it was safe. So, the first time we walk across the dam, I was too scared so dad picks me up and carries me across. When it was time to walk back across he made me walk across but he held my hand. So, even tho he was intimidating, he was protecting. The second time he took me fishing, we went to Wisconsin, to a small town, just before a State Park, and we fished under a bridge. I know that he took me because I am the oldest and I wasn't afraid the bait my own hook, on the end of the fishing pole. My middle sister was not about to bait her own hook, and dad didn't have the patience to do hers.
There was one time that he took the whole family, fishing. We went to a State Park, in Wisconsin and fished on the lake. We rented a boat, and fished in the middle of the lake. It was fun, to me anyway. We caught, something like 40 blue gill.
Other than those times of fishing, the only way that I could spend time with him was to either be under the hood of a car with him or down the basement watching him reload is ammo. Yes, my dad was very much into gun, and ammo, the reloading of the ammo. He did take me target practicing with him, once with his dog Rusty. He was fine with me watching as long as I didn't get in the way. He would answer my questions, but mostly I just watched him. I have to admit that those times with him weren't very fulfilling because he never talked to me about anything, unless I asked a question. He really didn't invest in me or my sisters. Yet, there was a nice streak that would show up, once in a great while.
He had bought a car that he was ultimately going to use as parts for the car that was his long term project. He let me drive the older, soon to be parts car, till I could get a car of my own. Now, mind you this car was a 1964 Chevy, that was pretty much starting to fall apart. I even received a "fix-it" ticket for the exhaust and for not having license plate lights. Dad did get the exhaust fixed for me as long as I agree to pay for half the cost, which I agreed to do. The only thing that I didn't realize, at the time, was the fact that, that car wasn't designed to have license plate lights, it was too old. I just paid the ticket.
Now, I had been praying about a particular car, that a friend of mine's dad, had for sale. One day, I receive an envelope that had a Church's address for a return address; inside the envelope there was a card with the money for the car and the exact amount of money for my half of the repair on that "junk" car. I bought the car, paid my dad back: now when I went to pay me dad back, he actually partially smiled. The strange thing was, I don't think he either thought I would pay him back, or he didn't want me to pay him back, I am not quite sure. The look on his face was puzzling to me.
I say all of this because that same man is currently in a Nursing Facility, because he doesn't have much balance or much of an ability to communicate what he wants. My mom is 5' 2" tall and unable to take care of my dad now that he really can't walk and his balance leaves a lot to be desired. He decline seems to have happened over time, but I think it's more of a surprise to us because at the same time is was kinda quick.
More on this later.......
My dad is a 6'4" tall man, who, when I was younger (he was younger, of course too) was mean,intimidating, and worked a lot. He was never involved in my sisters' or my lives emotionally. He never went to any performance that we had or anything. He did very few and I mean very few things with us girls or with the whole family. However, I no have a couple of good memories, that I know my younger sisters don't have. Dad did take me fishing with him, 2x. One time he took me to the local park that has a small river/big creek running thru the middle of it. Back then, you could walk across the dam and it was safe. So, the first time we walk across the dam, I was too scared so dad picks me up and carries me across. When it was time to walk back across he made me walk across but he held my hand. So, even tho he was intimidating, he was protecting. The second time he took me fishing, we went to Wisconsin, to a small town, just before a State Park, and we fished under a bridge. I know that he took me because I am the oldest and I wasn't afraid the bait my own hook, on the end of the fishing pole. My middle sister was not about to bait her own hook, and dad didn't have the patience to do hers.
There was one time that he took the whole family, fishing. We went to a State Park, in Wisconsin and fished on the lake. We rented a boat, and fished in the middle of the lake. It was fun, to me anyway. We caught, something like 40 blue gill.
Other than those times of fishing, the only way that I could spend time with him was to either be under the hood of a car with him or down the basement watching him reload is ammo. Yes, my dad was very much into gun, and ammo, the reloading of the ammo. He did take me target practicing with him, once with his dog Rusty. He was fine with me watching as long as I didn't get in the way. He would answer my questions, but mostly I just watched him. I have to admit that those times with him weren't very fulfilling because he never talked to me about anything, unless I asked a question. He really didn't invest in me or my sisters. Yet, there was a nice streak that would show up, once in a great while.
He had bought a car that he was ultimately going to use as parts for the car that was his long term project. He let me drive the older, soon to be parts car, till I could get a car of my own. Now, mind you this car was a 1964 Chevy, that was pretty much starting to fall apart. I even received a "fix-it" ticket for the exhaust and for not having license plate lights. Dad did get the exhaust fixed for me as long as I agree to pay for half the cost, which I agreed to do. The only thing that I didn't realize, at the time, was the fact that, that car wasn't designed to have license plate lights, it was too old. I just paid the ticket.
Now, I had been praying about a particular car, that a friend of mine's dad, had for sale. One day, I receive an envelope that had a Church's address for a return address; inside the envelope there was a card with the money for the car and the exact amount of money for my half of the repair on that "junk" car. I bought the car, paid my dad back: now when I went to pay me dad back, he actually partially smiled. The strange thing was, I don't think he either thought I would pay him back, or he didn't want me to pay him back, I am not quite sure. The look on his face was puzzling to me.
I say all of this because that same man is currently in a Nursing Facility, because he doesn't have much balance or much of an ability to communicate what he wants. My mom is 5' 2" tall and unable to take care of my dad now that he really can't walk and his balance leaves a lot to be desired. He decline seems to have happened over time, but I think it's more of a surprise to us because at the same time is was kinda quick.
More on this later.......
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Hopefully
4/8/17 -- Hopefully, something new will be continuing past the prescribed 3 weeks. I start a new job this coming Tuesday, at a printing company in my town. That means I won't be doing childcare for the family that I was over the last 2 weeks. They knew that I continued looking for a job after being called back after a six week lay off. The unpredictability of that household was getting to be too much. I just couldn't allow for any more time off and hopefully this upcoming job will last past 3 weeks, so long as I do a very good job, the supervisor may look for a way for me to stay. There is the option of going back to childcare after the 3 weeks, if necessary. I have to be willing to go to any job that this employment agency calls me for. At this point, I am willing because if it gets my "foot in the door" to a real good job, that I like, then it will be worth it.
Hopefully, soon I will be hearing from my son. I haven't heard from him in over a month concerning reconciliation. I recently updated my pictures, now every time I see the newer pictures in the frame, I keep thinking/praying soon, Lord, soon. You see, I have several picture frames that I put a collage of pictures in, which made it easy to put to use the array of pictures that I have had sitting around, for a year or so. I haven't been able to afford to have new pictures printed off, so I decided to put the newest pictures that I had and create a new collages for those frames. It's amazing how updating the pictures changes the way the whole wall looks. Now, I have pictures that have older versions of my granddaughters in them, on the walls.
I know that God's timing is not my timing so waiting has been my "game" for the last 3 years. I can't believe that this July, it will be 3 years since my serious thoughts of suicide. I have come such a long way, since then. I just wish that my very first counselor could see me now. I know that he would be amazed and would be showering me with compliments, that now I would be willing to accept a whole lot easier.
There is also going to be a time when I won't need to be coming to counseling. There was a time when I could never see that happening but now I can.
Hopefully, soon I will be hearing from my son. I haven't heard from him in over a month concerning reconciliation. I recently updated my pictures, now every time I see the newer pictures in the frame, I keep thinking/praying soon, Lord, soon. You see, I have several picture frames that I put a collage of pictures in, which made it easy to put to use the array of pictures that I have had sitting around, for a year or so. I haven't been able to afford to have new pictures printed off, so I decided to put the newest pictures that I had and create a new collages for those frames. It's amazing how updating the pictures changes the way the whole wall looks. Now, I have pictures that have older versions of my granddaughters in them, on the walls.
I know that God's timing is not my timing so waiting has been my "game" for the last 3 years. I can't believe that this July, it will be 3 years since my serious thoughts of suicide. I have come such a long way, since then. I just wish that my very first counselor could see me now. I know that he would be amazed and would be showering me with compliments, that now I would be willing to accept a whole lot easier.
There is also going to be a time when I won't need to be coming to counseling. There was a time when I could never see that happening but now I can.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
More changes
4/4/17 -- I received a call from the woman of whose Salon I had been cleaning for the last couple of years. She called to let me know that she is closing her shop, so she won't be needing my cleaning services anymore. She has been in that same shop for 40 some years that she is ready for a change. She will be cutting older people's hair at a Nursing Facility. She will no longer have the same amount overhead that she has had with the shop.
I gotta say that I had to pout a little, took a short nap too. I really enjoyed cleaning her shop plus I liked having her cut my hair, so I will have to find some place else to get my hair cut. I don't like the last couple of places that i have gone to get my hair cut because they don't cut it right or the beauticians don't stick around very long because they get burnt out but the hours they have to work. So, now i don't know what to do. I don't have money to have her cut my hair before she closes. So bummed because not only did l really like her cutting my hair, supporting small business, but I am also losing a supplemental income.
I have continued applying on ideed.com but haven't had any "bites" on my applications. It is so frustrating to not have any interest but I just keep trying.
I am not just looking for childcare/nanny work but I am also looking for clerical/receptionist. I have issues with my left ankle so I cannot do long term standing or walking for hours and hours, that is why I am looking for childcare or clerical. Also, I enjoy taking care of children and being a secretary. I have skills that i haven't used since my tenure at a Shopko. I haven't forgotten any of it though. Actually, I have improved on my typing skills and filling is a no brainer, so is answering phones. There are computer programs that I can learn as soon as someone is willing to teach me. In my opinion, hands on learning is the best, because every office uses something different so to learn a particular office program is better than to learn a blanket program from a college, however I am not against college learning. I wish I could get some of that college learning but it is out of my budget and I am not going into anymore debt than I already have by getting a loan for college.
I keep praying and hoping that something will come along, soon, because I really don't know how long this job will last or how long I can tolerate her drama.
I gotta say that I had to pout a little, took a short nap too. I really enjoyed cleaning her shop plus I liked having her cut my hair, so I will have to find some place else to get my hair cut. I don't like the last couple of places that i have gone to get my hair cut because they don't cut it right or the beauticians don't stick around very long because they get burnt out but the hours they have to work. So, now i don't know what to do. I don't have money to have her cut my hair before she closes. So bummed because not only did l really like her cutting my hair, supporting small business, but I am also losing a supplemental income.
I have continued applying on ideed.com but haven't had any "bites" on my applications. It is so frustrating to not have any interest but I just keep trying.
I am not just looking for childcare/nanny work but I am also looking for clerical/receptionist. I have issues with my left ankle so I cannot do long term standing or walking for hours and hours, that is why I am looking for childcare or clerical. Also, I enjoy taking care of children and being a secretary. I have skills that i haven't used since my tenure at a Shopko. I haven't forgotten any of it though. Actually, I have improved on my typing skills and filling is a no brainer, so is answering phones. There are computer programs that I can learn as soon as someone is willing to teach me. In my opinion, hands on learning is the best, because every office uses something different so to learn a particular office program is better than to learn a blanket program from a college, however I am not against college learning. I wish I could get some of that college learning but it is out of my budget and I am not going into anymore debt than I already have by getting a loan for college.
I keep praying and hoping that something will come along, soon, because I really don't know how long this job will last or how long I can tolerate her drama.
Monday, April 3, 2017
Weather
4/3/17 -- Gotta love this weather. This time of year is pretty irritating, at times. I love this weather, NOT! 😉 The lack of sun light, not covered by clouds, can be testing for anyone. I end up leaving my lamps on, all day long, just so it's not so dark in my living room. I also leave both by lamps on in my bedroom. I have LED bulbs in all my lamps so my electric bill won't go up.
My job, right now, is ok. I am keeping this young woman at a distance because I don't quite trust her, like I did. Also, I know that this job isn't going to be permanent because I am looking for another job and his goal for her is to be able to manage the household alone, while he is at work. I am also helping her to work towards being able to manage the household while her man is at work. I am pretty much encouraging her to make the most of my time there. I have to stay within 20hrs so I had to let her know the hours that I am working this week, so that I can work the 8hrs she wants on Friday. Which means that my hours are different than it was last week. I have to adjust according to what is going on in the week but the most I can work is 4hrs a day for 5days a weeks.
The next thing I have to be sure that I get done is taxes. I have one more form that i have to get before I can do them. I was sort of planning on having a professional do them, but I don't have the money for a professional do them. I guess I will have to do them myself, online. Hopefully, I will get the state back in enough time to pay something that is due the end of this month, but I doubt, considering they usually mail me a paper check.
Has anyone heard of Lularoe? It is a line of clothing that is sold out of people's home. They are a faith-based company that treats their employees fairly and well. Anyway, their is someone in my town that has started selling these clothes. They had an open house on Saturday. I went to try on some clothes so I could see the different patterns, styles and how the sizes would fit on me. Wow, what a variety! The material is so soft and comfortable, I just couldn't believe it. I tried on a small variety of outfits and ran across one that just looked wonderful on me, so that was like a wish list type deal, since I didn't have money, to purchase it, at that time. Well, to my surprise, after I had put my own clothes back on and took the clothes back on their right hangers, and walked out of the room, I was handed a bag with the clothes in it that looked so good on me. One of the women that is co-owning this business, bought the outfit for me because she just wanted me to have it. It is one of the first times that I have felt beautiful. The great things about these clothes is they are versatile. The top that I got is "dressy" and casual at the same time. I am in semi-desperate need of updating my wardrobe, my casual wardrobe, mainly. I like need some new pants and shirts, these clothes are so awesome that I really want to get some more of them. I will most definitely have to go one shirt, leggings, top at a time. Versatile like; the skirt that starts at the waist and also be pulled up to my chest (like a halter dress) and still be down to my calf, then put different top over it.
My job, right now, is ok. I am keeping this young woman at a distance because I don't quite trust her, like I did. Also, I know that this job isn't going to be permanent because I am looking for another job and his goal for her is to be able to manage the household alone, while he is at work. I am also helping her to work towards being able to manage the household while her man is at work. I am pretty much encouraging her to make the most of my time there. I have to stay within 20hrs so I had to let her know the hours that I am working this week, so that I can work the 8hrs she wants on Friday. Which means that my hours are different than it was last week. I have to adjust according to what is going on in the week but the most I can work is 4hrs a day for 5days a weeks.
The next thing I have to be sure that I get done is taxes. I have one more form that i have to get before I can do them. I was sort of planning on having a professional do them, but I don't have the money for a professional do them. I guess I will have to do them myself, online. Hopefully, I will get the state back in enough time to pay something that is due the end of this month, but I doubt, considering they usually mail me a paper check.
Has anyone heard of Lularoe? It is a line of clothing that is sold out of people's home. They are a faith-based company that treats their employees fairly and well. Anyway, their is someone in my town that has started selling these clothes. They had an open house on Saturday. I went to try on some clothes so I could see the different patterns, styles and how the sizes would fit on me. Wow, what a variety! The material is so soft and comfortable, I just couldn't believe it. I tried on a small variety of outfits and ran across one that just looked wonderful on me, so that was like a wish list type deal, since I didn't have money, to purchase it, at that time. Well, to my surprise, after I had put my own clothes back on and took the clothes back on their right hangers, and walked out of the room, I was handed a bag with the clothes in it that looked so good on me. One of the women that is co-owning this business, bought the outfit for me because she just wanted me to have it. It is one of the first times that I have felt beautiful. The great things about these clothes is they are versatile. The top that I got is "dressy" and casual at the same time. I am in semi-desperate need of updating my wardrobe, my casual wardrobe, mainly. I like need some new pants and shirts, these clothes are so awesome that I really want to get some more of them. I will most definitely have to go one shirt, leggings, top at a time. Versatile like; the skirt that starts at the waist and also be pulled up to my chest (like a halter dress) and still be down to my calf, then put different top over it.
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