10/30/17 -- So, last night I had this dream - a rather strange dream considering I haven't seen a movie with this person in it, in a very long time.
I was in an apartment with a certain male actor, who (apparently) was my boyfriend. This man who was living across the hall, is in a wheelchair, had let himself into my apartment. I had been in the shower, or something, my boyfriend (actor), was in another place in the apartment. When I had come out of the shower, this neighbor was in my bedroom, in his wheelchair, naked!!!! I was so appalled that I yelled and told him to GET OUT!!! and that we were DONE!!!! I think the done meant that we weren't going to be friends anymore. My "boyfriend" came running in and found the man and ordered him to put his clothes back on and escorted him out!! Then he found me all balled up on the floor, upset, and shocked. He was very understanding and caring and comforted me.
When I woke up from the dream, I just thought it was the strangest dream. I believe that there is something to this dream, but I haven't quite figured out what that is.
I will say that my neighbor across the hall has asked me to "go out with him" which I don't have a problem with; however this man does have issues with keeping his hands to himself. Meaning, that everytime he sees me he is constantly trying to put his hands everywhere where I DON'T want him to put them. It seems that he just isn't happy with just putting his hand into mine and just hold my hand. I am pretty much telling him to STOP! Also, telling him that he doesn't have to do that, that it's not showing love by putting his hands everywhere that I don't want it.
Monday, October 30, 2017
Sunday, October 22, 2017
VERY INTERESTING
10/22/17 -- Well, let me just tell you that last weeks was a very interesting week. Last Monday I started working for a small cleaning business. I went into it thinking it would be something I could do, til something else came along. Yet, I didn't even make it through the first week. By Wednesday I was having second thoughts about taking the job.
I have never had a job where I felt like "crap" emotionally by the third day. The girls that I was working with did a real good job of making me feel like crap, for even taking the job. When we were at the end of our shift on Wednesday, the two girls had said they may not come in the next day. Wednesday had got like crap when we showed up at what we thought would be the last job of the day. The owner/boss had met us there and proceeded to join us inside and telling us all the things that we had to do. For the girls, it was redoing things that they had already done the prior week. The time there was pretty miserable and somewhere along the way the boss must have told the girls that I knew what I was doing. Anyway, we finally left there by 2:30pm, but the boss was still there using the shampooer on the carpets. It was on the way back to the boss's house to unload the car and get into ours that the driver said that she just may call in the next day. She was pretty pissed off because of the things that the boss had been saying and telling us to do for two hours.
When I got home, I was exhausted and not in the greatest of moods. I was really hoping and praying that those two girls wouldn't leave me "high and dry". When I got to the bosses house on Thursday, I wasn't in the greatest of moods, but the girls were there.
I have to admit I was doing my best to hold back years. When we arrived at the 3rd job I was really struggling, then I whacked my left hand on a drawer handle, that I was wiping down, and that brought on the tears. It hurt so bad I just couldn't hold them back. Finally it quit hurting and I was able to gain my composure. We got to the fourth job and I was really struggling to maintain. One of the girls must have noticed that I was upset, so she spoke to the other girl who then called the boss to see if I could be done early and the girls would go to the last job, in a neighboring town. When she came down and told me what had been ok'd, I was relieved.
I got home and went right into the shower, and had myself a good cry. I had pretty much decided to quit, even tho that was the first time I had ever not made thru the first full week or that I had never quit so early in a job. I then thought that I would sleep on it and see how I felt the next day. Needless to say, I didn't feel any different come Friday morning. So, I text the boss then called him and told him that I quit. Of course, he was blindsided but I couldn't do anything about it.
I have never had a job where I felt like "crap" emotionally by the third day. The girls that I was working with did a real good job of making me feel like crap, for even taking the job. When we were at the end of our shift on Wednesday, the two girls had said they may not come in the next day. Wednesday had got like crap when we showed up at what we thought would be the last job of the day. The owner/boss had met us there and proceeded to join us inside and telling us all the things that we had to do. For the girls, it was redoing things that they had already done the prior week. The time there was pretty miserable and somewhere along the way the boss must have told the girls that I knew what I was doing. Anyway, we finally left there by 2:30pm, but the boss was still there using the shampooer on the carpets. It was on the way back to the boss's house to unload the car and get into ours that the driver said that she just may call in the next day. She was pretty pissed off because of the things that the boss had been saying and telling us to do for two hours.
When I got home, I was exhausted and not in the greatest of moods. I was really hoping and praying that those two girls wouldn't leave me "high and dry". When I got to the bosses house on Thursday, I wasn't in the greatest of moods, but the girls were there.
I have to admit I was doing my best to hold back years. When we arrived at the 3rd job I was really struggling, then I whacked my left hand on a drawer handle, that I was wiping down, and that brought on the tears. It hurt so bad I just couldn't hold them back. Finally it quit hurting and I was able to gain my composure. We got to the fourth job and I was really struggling to maintain. One of the girls must have noticed that I was upset, so she spoke to the other girl who then called the boss to see if I could be done early and the girls would go to the last job, in a neighboring town. When she came down and told me what had been ok'd, I was relieved.
I got home and went right into the shower, and had myself a good cry. I had pretty much decided to quit, even tho that was the first time I had ever not made thru the first full week or that I had never quit so early in a job. I then thought that I would sleep on it and see how I felt the next day. Needless to say, I didn't feel any different come Friday morning. So, I text the boss then called him and told him that I quit. Of course, he was blindsided but I couldn't do anything about it.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Still Unexpected.....
10/10/17 -- So, this man that entered my life is someone who really seems to want to be around me, whats me with him. He doesn't want me for what he can get from me but for who I am. I has already told me that he loves me and I have to admit that I have responded in kind. I have added tho that I think I love him too, but then I will just say it in response to him. What is interesting is that the feelings that I have when he tells that he loves me. He is gentle, kind and honest. He has a little dog names Cher, that dog is about the same size as my Bear cat. She gets jealous whenever we are together in his apartment.
Today, he was here and my cats were behaving like they were jealous, too. Strange.
Today, he was here and my cats were behaving like they were jealous, too. Strange.
Monday, October 9, 2017
Something Unexpected.....
10/9/17 -- There was something unexpected that happened this past Saturday. I was on my way back into my apt. when I noticed that the man across the hall, was on his deck, so I asked if he had gotten his windows cleaned yet? To which, he responded with no. I told him that I would do it for him a little bit later, that day.
I go over there just after noon and washed his windows. While I was in his bedroom, washing those windows, he asked me a couple of rather direct question. If I was single, and if I would go out with him? Needless to say, I was taken completely by surprise!
I go over there just after noon and washed his windows. While I was in his bedroom, washing those windows, he asked me a couple of rather direct question. If I was single, and if I would go out with him? Needless to say, I was taken completely by surprise!
Saturday, October 7, 2017
PROCESS.......
10/7/17 -- The process of going thru my little sister's old apt took a little longer than it should have. The electric company turn off the her electricity instead of the apt across the hall from hers. Mom and I went over, yesterday to clean, finally. Thankfully, it really didn't take all that long. Mom and I then went to lunch but mom's hip was just giving her such pain that we didn't stay that long. We went back to her place and and I helped her unload her vehicle and go into the house.
She had a break down, as we were leaving the apt for the final time. I was thinking about that at the same time. That is the last time I will be going over there, for some reason it just doesn't seem that real. I have been having my moments of tears, as well. So, we get into the mom's house and before I have put all my stuff down, mom is handing me a check. Mom, is in the process of closing down my little sister's bank account; the check was a shared portion of what was left in the account, my middle sister also gets a check of the same amount. Mom said that she knew that my little sister would want her so split it between us. At that point, mom started crying. The amount that is left is going to be used for any bills from her apt. and for paying off, her practically new cell phone. Then mom will just turn it in to the cell store she bought it from because she has no use for two phones.
The headache that I had been dealing with for two years, as returned! I hate having to deal with this stupid headache! When I took a shower, yesterday, I just stood under the shower with cooler water running and that seems to have helped, somewhat. It really sucks that my insurance won't pay for for the 360 nerve block! That little procedure really helped to break up the cycle of pain and it beats taking medications to deal with the pain! Zero side effects, but NOOOO!!! my insurance company looks at it as experimental, which is a bunch of crap!!!!!
Anyway, I had gone quite a long while with a headache but I have this thing; where I have a delayed reaction to stress....meaning as the stress is relieving(decreasing)is when I get the headache due to stress. So, here lately I have been dealing with this headache. The bad thing is, as before it doesn't go completely away, but this it is affecting my eyes in a way that keeps me from being on the computer for too long of a time. That makes it difficult because I have to do homework for my computer class. Oh well, I have been managing by just taking a break every now and then.
To top it all off, my stomach has been giving me issues. Food doesn't seem to want to digest completely, as it should then I get acid reflux, when I go to bed. I decided to get the acid reflux medication renewed from my dr. and give my stomach a break, but I am going to get a more natural supplement to help with that acid reflux crap, because I just don't want to take the medication for too long.
Oh, and I still don't have a job!!! All of the stuff are the ingredients for depression, however, I have not even been going "there". Thankfully, I have a good support system and I have been more concerned with making sure that my mom is doing ok. I don't want her to go from grieving to depression, so I check on her quite often. Thankfully, she has a cell phone that checking on her is pretty easy. Plus, I am still going down to help her go thru stuff, so I am seeing her quite frequently.
She had a break down, as we were leaving the apt for the final time. I was thinking about that at the same time. That is the last time I will be going over there, for some reason it just doesn't seem that real. I have been having my moments of tears, as well. So, we get into the mom's house and before I have put all my stuff down, mom is handing me a check. Mom, is in the process of closing down my little sister's bank account; the check was a shared portion of what was left in the account, my middle sister also gets a check of the same amount. Mom said that she knew that my little sister would want her so split it between us. At that point, mom started crying. The amount that is left is going to be used for any bills from her apt. and for paying off, her practically new cell phone. Then mom will just turn it in to the cell store she bought it from because she has no use for two phones.
The headache that I had been dealing with for two years, as returned! I hate having to deal with this stupid headache! When I took a shower, yesterday, I just stood under the shower with cooler water running and that seems to have helped, somewhat. It really sucks that my insurance won't pay for for the 360 nerve block! That little procedure really helped to break up the cycle of pain and it beats taking medications to deal with the pain! Zero side effects, but NOOOO!!! my insurance company looks at it as experimental, which is a bunch of crap!!!!!
Anyway, I had gone quite a long while with a headache but I have this thing; where I have a delayed reaction to stress....meaning as the stress is relieving(decreasing)is when I get the headache due to stress. So, here lately I have been dealing with this headache. The bad thing is, as before it doesn't go completely away, but this it is affecting my eyes in a way that keeps me from being on the computer for too long of a time. That makes it difficult because I have to do homework for my computer class. Oh well, I have been managing by just taking a break every now and then.
To top it all off, my stomach has been giving me issues. Food doesn't seem to want to digest completely, as it should then I get acid reflux, when I go to bed. I decided to get the acid reflux medication renewed from my dr. and give my stomach a break, but I am going to get a more natural supplement to help with that acid reflux crap, because I just don't want to take the medication for too long.
Oh, and I still don't have a job!!! All of the stuff are the ingredients for depression, however, I have not even been going "there". Thankfully, I have a good support system and I have been more concerned with making sure that my mom is doing ok. I don't want her to go from grieving to depression, so I check on her quite often. Thankfully, she has a cell phone that checking on her is pretty easy. Plus, I am still going down to help her go thru stuff, so I am seeing her quite frequently.
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