Death coming

9/1/17 --  Surgery was a success, I guess, as because I haven't done the same motions that started and enflamed the nerves.
  Yesterday, I went and visited my sister, my mom was already there.  My sisters had 5 seizures while were there  These seizures are scary for me, as I had never witnessed her having seizures before.  She has had them when she was little, til she was given medication to control them.  Mom and I both know that these seizures are a result of toxins are building up in her body, due to her kidneys failing.  I can't even begin to explain how this makes me feel.  I have zero words to explain how this makes me.  Watching a family member die, really sucks; at the same time watching my mom, watch my little sister die just makes this all the more difficult.
  I am still dealing with thoughts of crawling into a hole to escape this craziness!  Yet, I know that really won't do me any good.  I never expected to have to deal with death in my family, so close to me.  It is one thing to deal with the death with Grandparents but not with my sister or anyone this close to me.
It's one thing to experience "loss" in the sense of being shut out of my son's life but something completely different when the loss is real, death.
I am very thankful that I have people that I can reach out to, so that I don't sink into a place that I don't want to go, ever again! 
  I am having trouble with describing what I feel.
The ironic thing is that one other family that I know is also experiencing the decline of a family member.  The mom of a friend is dying due to colon cancer.