2/26/17 -- Recently a family that I have been quite close to was finally able to move closer to where the "church" they are starting is located. So, this family has moved from across the highway from to about an hour or so farther away.
I get the sense from a conversation I recently had with the mom, that adjustment would be made more difficult if I were to bring one of their daughters back for a weekend with me, at least this soon after their getting settled. Also, her daughter is growing up into a beautiful young almost teen so there are moods and attitudes that come with growing up young girls.
Not only that but this mom is carrying 2, yes, twin boys and she wants to carry them as close to full term as possible so the less she has to worry about the better and she isn't driving much anymore, due to her size and having to be careful. She is cool with me coming to visit but beyond that nothing, which is fine, I would rather visit especially when I know that I will be able to visit after she has the twin boys. Although, I hope to visit before that, of course.
The thing is; this is an adjustment for me too. I am so used to having them so close to me now I have to get used to not having them close. I miss them. Not to mention the fact that I don't have a job which this would be the perfect time to move, move to where, good question. I have considered moving an hour east of me, where other people that i know either are living or will be moving to. I really have nothing in this current location to hold me here. My son is 3 hours northwest of me so, now what? There is the prospect of marriage but I am not too sure that will happen, unless something more dramatic happens between this man and me.
This man, my man, I gotta be honest: right now I am not sure where I stand with him. To me talk is cheap, after the length of time we have been "together". Things progressed kinda quickly when we first met but sure seem to have dramatically slowed down. His excuse/reason is work, he claims that he has been working many Sundays in a row which means that he is putting in 60+ hours at work. That is something that I have a hard time completely believing given the industry that he is in. He is in the financial industry and that is all I know. I am having a difficult time completely believing that he really does work all those hours, but because I don't live closer to him, its hard to really see what's going on. I feel like I am riding a thin line of being suspicious and not being suspicious and I don't know where I really fall.
Then there is my son; I haven't heard a peep from him since that last comment about the packer game, they barely pulled out in a win. So, I am still waiting to see when he will be ready for moving on towards reconciliation. He said that he was ready to figure out how to do it but I have given him a number of ideas as to how we can get started but he hasn't responded to any of my ideas. I do know that I also have to wait for his wife to be ready, too. This waiting is driving me nuts!!!! I just want my family back and waiting and not hearing is just crazy!!!!! I know, I know I can't do or say anything to push him to do faster than he is because I don't want to push him away. So, waiting is what I have to do. That's not to say that I am not sending him occasional messages, letting him know that I am still interested in reconciliation.
This "not working" is something that I don't like. However, something that I have learned is that "nothing happens by accident" where God is concerned. Meaning that He knew that I would be done working where He had me and that I wouldn't be working for whatever length of time that I am in this transition period. Now, I seriously have to wait for Him to bring me to the place where the job is that He has for me. In the meantime, there are bills that need paid and I have no idea how they are going to get paid, only He does. This is the part of the "test" that I tend to fail because I don't wait for Him to provide, I usually manage to take charge by asking for money from my mom. Now, she did help me with making sure that I have rent money but the rest I don't know about. I really have to trust in God, on this.
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