2/22/17 -- Sorry that it's been a while for the update but I have been sick and not really feeling good enough to wanna be on the computer. Today is the first day in almost a week that I have felt good enough to finally get on the computer and type. I have had such a head cold that has made it difficult to breathe thru my nose. All I have wanted to do is sleep, pretty much.
Anyway; one update that is needed is that I ended up not having that biopsy - thank God - when the GYN took another look he decided that it wasn't necessary and that a cream might be more helpful and it would relieve the itching. So he prescribed the steroid cream and told me how to be careful putting it on and to use it only 2 weeks and after a couple of days putting it on 2x a day; to go down to 1x a day. Apparently, this cream is the strongest that is legal in the U.S. which means that it can burn the skin if over used or used in the wrong place. I have to see him again next week for a recheck and if necessary the biopsy would happen then. I don't think that a biopsy will be necessary because I can tell that it is getting better, the cream seems to be taking care of the itching and the spot as well. That is an awesome thing because I wasn't looking forward to having a cut in that particular area.
I am still jobless but I have still put out some "feelers" for a cleaning job and/or childcare. I am also having issues with my man. I gotta admit that I have been having issues with the lack of true communication and true attempts at coming to see me. It has been months since we have seen each other and it doesn't seem like he really want to see me. Plus, the lack of communication is something that I also struggle with.
I went to see my counselor, yesterday and it felt nice to be able to get stuff off my chest. She echoed the same type of concern that a real close friend, communicated in the email that I just read before I started this blog. I felt like I needed to see her (my counselor) because of the way things fell at my job. I have mixed feelings concerning not working with that family, anymore. You see, I love children and when one of them wants to come home with me, it just about breaks my heart. I am glad tho, that I am not working there any more because her mental state was beginning to wear on mine. It was difficult because I never really knew what I was going to walk into concerning the children. You know, whether they were clothed, fed, or not, or what. For me that was difficult because I just can't fathom a mother who doesn't make sure that their children aren't dress, fed, bathed when they should be and all that. This young mom just can't handle the daily life of an adult let alone one with children and that is sad. She tried and there were plenty of days that she was successful but plenty of days where she would slack off.
To get back to the topic of my man: I don't even know what to say in respect to that, at this point in time. I did finally message him letting him know that I am not happy with the way things have been and my feelings on the lack of demonstrative ways that he needs to show me that he is truly interested in a relationship with me; and that if is he isn't then to tell me so I know and to stop keeping me in limbo. Then I also messaged that his silence has been speaking volumes...... I did finally get a response to that, last night, but the conversation was short. He does want a relationship but really hasn't elaborated on how this is going to work. He did say that he has been working on Sundays which he never mentioned before. I questioned as to why he just didn't let me know that instead of leaving me wonder things..... but I didn't get a response. So I still don't know, believe me I am not ignoring the "red flags" this time around. Thankfully, I haven't invested a whole bunch emotionally in this man just because of the "not knowing" and the distance. So, if it ends I won't be all that broken about it; yes it will sting but I won't be "set back" emotionally to a bad place.
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