Some new stuff

9/16/15 -- I recently have asked someone, from the church I attend, to mentor/disciple me, and she finally said yes.  What I mean by finally is: I have asked a number of different women and one finally said she would.  We started meeting last week, the second evening was this past Monday evening.  We are going to sort of go thru the Seeking Him study we both already completed over the summer.  The only reason we are is because I had issues with applying different sections to me.  We agreed to meet once a week or possibly every other week, depending on her schedule.
  Then there is the "Estate Planning" that I have been thinking about, on and off.  I asked the Youth Pastor and his Wife to be my "executor", however they have is labeled something else, now.  Anyway, I asked them because I have absolutely no idea how my son really feels about me, beyond the fact that we aren't/haven't been talking for quite a long time.  {Feels like an eternity} Like does he really hate me? or Does he just not really want anything to do with me for now while he 'deals with' whatever?  So, since I don't know, I have asked the Youth Pastor and his Wife because I am the closest to them and I thoroughly love their children.  These people have gone beyond the "pastoral" and welcomed me into their personal lives and allowed me to watch their children.  Not to mention the fact that their children love me.  I have so much fun with them as a family and with just the children.  
   The Pastor and his Wife got back to me and they said yes, they would be the 'executor' of my "estate".  So, I met with an attorney, last night after work, and got things rolling.  It is $75 a document and includes the services of the Law Office, the young lady that I dealt with.  They will also in charge of my healthcare if I can't make decisions for myself, and my finances in the same event.  As much as, I really want my Son to be the one to make those decisions it ain't going to happen as long he isn't talking to me.  My son used to be my emergency contact but now the Youth Pastor and His Wife are because my son is too far away plus I really don't know just how much he really cares.  I know that is pathetic but that is the way it is.
   All the while I was sitting in the office of the Lawyer who is getting everything legal, for me; I managed to maintain emotional control, as hard as it was.  I am not sure how I am going to swing the extra expense for a couple of months but I somehow have to.  She is "drawing up" 3 documents for me which cost me enough money.  I guess this is one way that I am trying to move on, as my Counselor believes that I need to do.  However, reality and emotion, for me, are very separate.  There in lies my problem with truly moving on, getting past the, middle of the road - I don't really care about stuff I should, attitude that I have.