Still working on emotional stuff

9/15/15 --  These last several weeks have been interesting.
  I have missed a Birthday party because of a headache, missed something else I was wanting to do on a Saturday because of a headache, then a session with my Counselor.  This session consisted of addressing the homework he gave 2 weeks prior.  He totally appreciated my working on trying to figure this out.  I spent many hours of many days between the 2 sessions trying to come up with 'the 4th chapter' that he wanted me to 'write' to go along the 'chapter titles that he wrote on his dry erase board 2 sessions ago.  The only thing I could come up with is 3 things and 2 of the three aren't satisfactory by any means.  1) is to allow this situation to take me down to the point of suicide, again (not wanting that at all)  2) is staying where I am {I am not happy with staying where I am emotionally-want to get past this}  So, somehow I need to move past this but I don't know how.
   My Counselor wanted to know why and what the downside is to allowing God to completely have and take care of this/my son and myself.  I told him nothing but my head and heart just can't seem to come into unity over this.  Like I know that God already has been taking care of my son but for whatever reason the 'mom part of me' can't seem to 'let go' of the little bit that I am hanging onto because the 'mom part of me' feels like if I 'let g0 and let God' then I am 'giving up' even tho in reality that is not what is going on.  Altho, in a sense it is because I can't really do anything and my 'giving up means that I am letting God do what He needs to do in me and my son, that isn't such a bad thing at all.  Yet, I just can't seem to get my heart to wrap around that idea, at all.  After telling him that I asked if it was possible that my emotional dislike for weekends [because I don't have family to spend it with] could be contributing to the headaches that seem to always occur on a weekend, albeit not on every weekend.  He did that is totally possible because holding this stuff in just isn't good.  I also know that emotional stuff un-dealt with can cause physical issues, has been documented by physicians.
    My Counselor did tell me that I have to let go of this emotional baggage in order to be able to move on and get out of the this mid-range, so-so, don't care attitude that I have been having.  I am not happy with the attitude that I have, I don't like this 'funk' that I am in right now.  So, my Counselor told me that I am supposed to remind him that he has something the he thinks will be able to help me, during our next session.  Something that will help me to unite my heart and head/let go and let God take this situation/my son so that I can move past this 'garbage'.