11/3/16 -- So, day number 4 of the 1st full week of not working. I really don't like this not working thing, and not knowing how to go about getting a job. I do have a couple of "feelers" out but still don't know what to do or think, yet. I had use some savings, I only had a little put back for taxes and had to use some of it to put towards a couple of bills that I don't want to lose and one not quite yet. There is one of my bills that am going to be cutting my cable bill, keep the internet. I have an idea on using a digital version that I will only have to pay to about $20 a month. I think that I found something that i will be able to watch the main networks that I watch including football, both major league and college.
I ended up putting in a request with my church, to see if there is anything they can do to help me out to keep my bills paid on. Just something to keep me from being cancelled.
I took the children and the young mom to AWANA with me last night, she talked about the possibility of me working a couple of days next week and maybe tomorrow, to which I said sure. She is also wanting to maybe have her fiancee shorten his family leave to 3 weeks, which would be helpful to me. I am really trying to rely on God to provide, yet this is the one area where my faith really struggles with. To be without a job and having my dad in the state that he is in, just isn't helping my stress level and therefore my headache has returned to a pretty much daily, not completely going away, presence again. However, not as bad as when it first set in, but nonetheless it is there. The thing that I don't like is that this headache makes me tired, to top it off the medication that I take for the headache also makes me tired: being tired due to the headache and the medication to manage it means that I am napping when I hadn't been. I have to wait now, for the appointment with the pain management Dr. that is in a couple of weeks.
It really sucks that my body will only allow me to work the way that I used to plus I really don't want to work in retail again. I really want to stick with childcare, because I really enjoy taking care of children. To be honest, I was and am hoping to return to the same family that I have been working with. I really believe that I was put in among this family for a reason and that reason is the young woman, of which I can relate to, I have been thru some of what she is dealing with. I know that I will be leaving her soon, not sure how soon, as in there is marriage in my future which then means that I will most likely be moving to where he has a house. Off course, I am hoping that a better job with less consuming hours will come his way so that he isn't working so many long days. Any way, this young woman really needs and wants my help and we have been become friends so I do want to help. To be somewhat completely honest, I don't believe that her fiancee is being as helpful as he told me that he want to be. However, I am not completely surprised, either. We will see.
My mental state is pretty ok, pretty decent I would say. I am not allowing anything negative to even remotely come close to play games with me. I do have a counseling appt at the end of the month, if needed. I had one tomorrow but I cancelled it because I just saw my counselor, last week so I don't deem it necessary to see her again, so soon. I think that is a very good thing and I am sure that my first Counselor, and the second one would be very please at how far that I have come. I believe that I am proof that anyone can completely recover from depression and even deep depression. All that you have to do is reach out, or be cooperative if someone makes the call for you, talk honestly with the counselor, do what the counselor says, take any and all the medication that you might me prescribed and I fully believe that you can recover. I have done exactly that, I talked honestly with my counselor, processed all that we discussed and he suggested, and employed all different techniques that my counselor suggested plus including my own from my pastor and a very few close friends. Please don't be someone who depends only on the medication or repeatedly go to counseling and not do what is suggested by him/her. There are good counselors out there, some might even be at your local clinic, that is where my were and still are. They don't plant ideas in your head they let you talk and ask questions to provoke you to think more internally and examine so that you can find whatever might me troubling you, the key is allowing yourself to deal with the pain and being able to move past it. My counselor pointed out something very enlightening and that is that I only spent 1 hour every week or every two weeks with him, but many more hours of that time I did all the work myself, of getting better.
According to my second counselor, it is possible to completely recover from the verge of suicide and deep depression, it all depends on you or in my case, me. Since I was pretty darn determined to never experience that blackness ever again, I did all that I could along with renewing my faith in God to get me thru to this point in my life. After finally getting to the place where I decided I was "done" being "stuck" is when everything else just seem to fall into place. That is when I decided to get on a dating site or two and when I met the man of whom I am "seeing" from the second dating site
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