Post Visitation

5/9/19 -- I have to admit that I am still having issues with the death of this teenager.  This death is just is piled on top of the other deaths that have occurred in my family.  I get that this teenager wasn't in my family but I knew this young man and I know his family, and with all that I have dealt with working thru my temptation of suicide, has hit me the hardest.  I can also say that I don't quite understand why this has affected me like it has but now what do I do about it?
  I sent an email to my Pastor and long time friend, letting him know where I am at and what I have been feeling.  He actually called me on Tuesday night, late, after I had fallen asleep.  He wanted to make sure that I was ok, that I wasn't back to where I was.  He remembers because I went to him and the senior Pastor of the church that I was attending at the time.  My friend and Pastor was the associate Pastor at the time.  Anyway, he just wanted to be sure that if I was in need, that I would call my psychiatrist.  It meant a lot to have him call me like that, even though that wasn't my intent, when I sent that email.
  I feel like I am in a desperate place, though.  I just had to send that email, along with the second one.  I do feel like I am in a place that I don't like but I don't know how to get out of it, at least not on my own.  He hasn't responded to my email, but then again, I don't know that I should expect a response right away.  Anyway, I reached out.  I know that I will see him and his family on Sunday, church.
  I am planning on taking some homemade eclairs to my mom for Mother's Day, on Saturday.  I want to go to church on Sunday and possibly stay someone's house for a couple hours before coming home.  Otherwise I will more than likely stop at a restaurant, that is just outside of a small town that I drive thru every Sunday.  I was told this Restaurant is pretty good and decently priced.  I have heard that they have pretty good food too.  I am not expecting anything from my own son, which is pretty sad, but it's the way it is.