3/12/16 -- Yesterday was stark and reality hit home for myself and my mom. I did go to the Rehab Hospital to visit my dad and ultimately pick up my mom and bring her home. You see, a friend of hers took her there, in the morning, with the understanding that I would be coming up to get her.
So, when I got there they were in the dining room waiting for dinner. My dad was just resting his head on the table, he did acknowledge that I was there but then put his head back on the table. I have had an aversion to anything like a nursing home, I would rather go to an orphanage, but seeing my dad in a place similar is actually harder than I thought.
I know that my mom never expected to have to be caring for dad so soon, if at all. This whole thing seems to have happened, sort of, abruptly. It seems to me that it came along rather quickly, at least to me. To be honest I don't know how many times that I can handle going up there to see him because I just am holding back the urge to cry, as it my mom.
I know, I know that aging is all apart of life and some people can just accept the aging of their parents; for me it seems just out of place. My dad was a intimidating, mean looking, and just the type of man that "it is my way or the highway!"
He was never "emotionally" involved with his daughter, investing in us in any way. Their were only 2 times that he took me fishing. The only other way that I could spend time with him was to go where he was, whether that was in the basement working on his projects, or out on the garage working on a car or motorcycle. He would allow me to watch and/or help as long as I didn't get in his way. The bad thing was he really didn't talk much so teaching wasn't how I learned about cars. It was more from watching, and sometimes I would ask question and he would answer. I didn't care how dirty I got because a bath/shower would take care of the dirt, I just wanted to be around my dad.
So, consequently seeing him like this; needing help, having difficult time communicating his thoughts, blurting out "no" most of the time. Those things are just hard for me t out my head around. Then to help my mom have to go thru all the paperwork that she can to get herself familiar with the finances of the household because dad always took care of that stuff. I have to continue helping her get things cleaned up and gone thru because there is so much junk around that dad has kept for no particular reason.
My mom, I can see, is having a hard time with adjusting to the idea that she will be having to take care of her husband, sooner than she expected.
I still have no one to talk to to help sort this out, in my brain.
Since this has happened, I am glad that it did after I have come thru the super dark part of my depression.
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