Continuing on

1/15/16 -- So, I made it thru the holidays - a very very good thing.  I didn't "tank" because I really believe that I am in a better place, spiritually.  At least a little.  I have had to put the "pile of crap" aside for awhile because I am seriously trying to get past the "muddy puddle" that I have been stuck in for so long.  My Counselor, my Mentor, my Pastor and many others really want for me be in a much better, stronger in God place and I REALLY don't like the place that I have been "stuck" in that I want/need to move on beyond it.
   I had a session with my Counselor, first one in a month, due to the holidays and his vacation.  He was very impressed with how I have been/am doing.  
 I didn't spend the christmas day alone because of people that cared, as a result I really had fun.  I laughed and smiled, the laughing is something that I haven't done in a long time - along with actually having fun.
  I have had to make a conscious decision to stay away from the "thing" that takes me down the hole that I have been fighting against for so long.  I have had to just tuck it away for awhile because the "tug" from it is stronger than I am right now.  I have been challenged by my Mentor to "dig into" the Word of God with the goal of actually getting something out of it.  We have agreed to start reading thru a devotional together and meeting together every two weeks to discuss the days devotion.  Plus, I have been trying to focus on God and what He has done for me and what he wants to do in my life.
  I heard a song on the christian radio station that I like to listen to when I am not listening to WGN and it just struck me as exactly what I needed to hear from God.  I played it for my Counselor because it contains words of wisdom that I know he has been telling me, in his own way, but for some reason it all came together in this song.  The song is "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns.  I don't know how new this song is but it really spoke to me.  Just a couple of the words of the song - "your world hasn't fallen apart, it has fallen into place" & "stop holding on, just be held".  There were some other things that I have read that just started to sink in and ring true to me.  It is like my heart and mind were/are finally coming together and no longer fighting with each other.
  I really want to become the woman that God intends for me but in reality that isn't going to happen til I stop fighting, submit the issue and myself to Him, surrender all because He knows what's best for me and my family.  Truth is He can and does work in me and them at the same time, the catch is how submissive to His direction we are.
  Again, I need to emphasize that I am not preaching to anyone who reads because everyone has their beliefs and I am not one to "shove religion" down anyone's throat.  I am just speaking to what has been working for me.  I will say that having a good core of friends and seriously bringing them into your life is one of the best things you can do.  When I was married my husband bred into me a distrust of people, in general, but over the last 2 years I have realized that I cannot live like that.  I need people and I mean a select few that you trust and are there for you to help get thru the toughest times of your life.