Thoughts

1/18/16 -- Well, the last couple of days have been uneventful, in a way.  I have spent sort of serious time with God and meditated on the fact that I have to keep giving God my life, all of it yes that means the situation that almost drove me to suicide.  It has actually become easier than I expected.  I believe it is because I have chosen, I believe with wisdom, to NOT go to the 'place' that causes me so much pain.  I am trying to establish a good, deep, strong anchor in my 'Faith' and I am, in a way, afraid to 'go to that place of pain' right now because that pull back into that hole is too strong, yet.  Once this anchor is firmly established and I feel that I can go to that place without being pulled into the hole again.
  I firmly believe that my continued recovery from being suicidal (at the least with suicidal thoughts) is because of the people I have in my life and most especially because of the Counselor that I have-then because of the mindfully selected friends - along with the smallness-the circle of friends.  Whether you believe in God or something/one else the point is, is that you return to those beliefs because ultimately it could be the only thing that pulls you through.  For me it has been God - he has be very patient and just waiting for me to finally realize that He is the only one that can do anything in my and my son and wife.  God is in Total Control and I just need to recognize and rest in that, completely.

                                         

This song, I heard on the radio and instantly felt that it completely applied to me.  This

song is just a reminder that instead of me just holding on to Him I need to allow myself to be held by Him.  He is on control and for me and my body, my emotional and spiritual health I seriously need to leave it God's hands.  Also, one this that this song says is that "your life hasn't fallen apart, it is fallen into place", that just seemed like a revelation to me.