1/30/16 -- I went to check on my dad and this time he answered the door, pretty much right after I knocked on the door the first time. I went in and gave him the bag of food that I wanted him to have. I want to make sure that he that he eats because I know that mom is concerned about him eating properly.
I did consider not going because I woke up with one of my headaches and I still have it but I knew that I needed to go, so I made sure that I took my less effective headache medication and left. I stopped at Little Ceasurs for Pizza and their crazy bread, that bread is so yummy. After picking up my lunch I went to my dad's place and dropped off the food and then went to visit my mom, couldn't find what she wanted but I took that mail that dad gave me to take to her. I visited for a couple of hours but then I just had to leave so I could take care of my headache and mom could rest cause she isn't feeling the greatest, she doesn't know why.
You know it is very troubling to walk into my parent's house and see my dad declining like he is. To me, it is one thing to get old but another when you see your "strong, intimidating looking, dad not be able to speak very well and at times slur his speech. I can't help but think that this headache is attributed to my concern for my dad and the fact that I just haven't been able to completely deal with what I am seeing. My mom looks fine other than the knee replacements but to see my dad is just something that I can't quite put into words.
I am glad that I am on a somewhat better footing emotionally because I am not sure that i would be able to handle this otherwise, plus the fact that I am still seeing my Counselor. Altho the connecting of the dots that he did at my last session wasn't all that pleasant, amazingly enough I didn't fall apart as he was connecting the emotional dots. The things that have accumulated to who I am today and quite possibly has lead to the breakdown of almost 2 years ago.
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