Life.......

1/11/16 -- Well, here it is 2016 and I am doing my best to "turn over a new leaf" so to speak.  I made it thru the holiday season without any big major issues or break downs, that is a very good thing.  My initial plan was to spend the entire season alone, but that ended up not happening.  I was invited to spend christmas with some friends, they had lunch around 1pm ish.  The ham was really yummy, the whole meal was good.  I had fun, totally enjoyed myself because I wasn't alone and their wasn't the focus on "family" that is so common on that day.  There was a couple of other couples there, along with an older lady.  After dinner we played a couple of card games.  I was one of 3 others that played euchre, the rest played a different game, that I don't remember the name of.  We ended up being done around supper time, like 5pmish.  I did end up sticking close to home the rest of that weekend, with exception to Church.
   New Year's Day, I totally and completely stayed around the apartment.  I watched the New Year's Day parade and college Football all day long.  Oh, and I spent the whole weekend watching college football and snacking on the foods that I had put together.
 However, since the holidays are completely over with I have been trying to focus on the "switch" that my Counselor wants to me to make so that I can move on from this place of "what I call a mud puddle".  I have not completely abandoned the idea of the switch I just hadn't been really focusing on it just because I really didn't want the headache.  I have been receiving devotional via email and those have been very helpful along with the relieving depression by reading the Psalms, on my iPad.  On and off over the last several weeks I have been thinking about this "switch" and how to go about doing it without creating "stress" on my body to flare up a headache.
  Unfortunately, I haven't been due for a session with my Counselor it the 14th of this month.  I am very grateful and thankful that I made thru this holiday season without any breakdowns or major issues.  It has been about a month since my last session.  
  I have been meeting with a woman who is married but she is willing to disciple/mentor me and help me to stay focused on God and what He is wanting to do in my life rather than focusing on my son and the relationship that I don't have but wish I did have.  Wishing doesn't make it so, altho I wish it did.  I just can't force him to do anything.  I have had some really strange dreams lately that have had my son in them.