2/9/16 -- Over the last couple of days to a week, I have begun to feel rather strange - like just pulling away from people and the things that I have been doing. I have even gotten to the point of not really wanting to clean, like vacuum which I am not liking one bit. I was planning on going to church and visiting my mom on Sunday/evening to watch the Super Bowl but on Saturday I woke up with an intense headache. (AGAIN!) I had my meeting with my Mentor, then a massage after lunch. After that the grocery store for what my planned snacking was to be with mom.
At my Massage Therapy; Massager had me start out on my back and she first wrapped my feet with wet warm towels. Next she put a cold wash cloth on my head along with cold stones on my face. I laid there on the table for at least a half an hour if not a longer. It actually felt quite good, in a weird way. However, I forgot to mention that she massaged my head, and arms first, which definitely felt good. It used to be with this headache that I could stand to have my head touched but now it feels great to have it massaged. As a finale she took the warm towels and cold stones off my feet and head then had me flip over onto my stomach. She massaged my shoulder, neck and back. I didn't notice a huge different in my headache right away, altho I did notice that is was somewhat milder and more all over my head instead of intense and localized.
I did go grocery shopping afterwards but I wasn't able to get the stuff that I was completely planning on getting. I was able to get the chicken wings but not the stuff I wanted to get to help myself lose weight. But I planned on looking at my account after paying on some bills, taking another trip to the grocery store. The thing that I was also trying to figure out which store to go to, to purchase the fruit/veggies needed for the smoothies/shakes.
After I finally got home and relaxed in my chais' lounge I finally felt the difference in my head. It was like all was released and my head wasn't hurting as bad as it started out, in the morning.
All the while there was a kind of battle going on in my head as to whether I really wanted to go back to Freeport, on Sunday, or not. On the one hand I did because I wanted to watch the Super Bowl with my mom; on the other hand I didn't want to go (depended on how my head felt when I woke up) partially. I definitely relaxed because that is what I wanted to do/needed to do.
So, went to bed a pretty decent time, I think. Anyway, When I woke up Sunday morning my head was hurting intensely but differently. I finally broke down and let mom know, then I jumped in the shower. I took another approach to using the "massage setting" on the shower head. Instead of using the warmer side of the water setting I used the cooler side of the warm water setting and put it on my head/neck/shoulders using a cue from my Massage Therapist. After the shower, my head actually felt somewhat better yet I still just didn't want to go to church which meant that I wasn't going to visit mom or help at Youth Group, if needed, but then again I couldn't be in two places at once. I didn't want to aggravate my headache by be exposed to the fluorescent lights, those lights tend to irritate and sometimes cause migraines, for me.
So no trip to church, or to visit my mom. I do have to admit that I kinda didn't want to go anywhere, on Sunday. I don't really know why either. I did tell mom that I would go to visit her on Monday after work and bring her, the chocolate and pop that she wanted.
I can't quite peg why I didn't want to go but I didn't. I just didn't want to go - have no explanation or excuse. That is what I don't like because I just don't know what or how to respond to these new/different feelings. I guess the only thing that I should be going is giving it over to God, mostly like this is some thing that is trying to be a distraction to the inroads to my recovery.
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