5/30/16 -- Over the last few weeks I have been sensing some sort of a change going on within me. I don't know that I can totally describe what I have been feeling other than I just may be on the verge of finally getting out of this "stuckness" that I have been feeling I have been in for quite a long while. I had a battle of thoughts about suicide 2 weeks ago and according to my Counselor, that most likely was caused the the stress that my body feels that it is under. He strongly suggested that I do some things to relieve the stress, so I did my best to do that during that week, but the toughest day of that week was my son's 25th birthday and I just was having a difficult time overcoming the strong desire to be with him. I did make it thru that day and the weekend because then I was sort of busy, at least enough to keep my mind busy.
I have also been going thru a Bible Study by a woman named Sheila Walsh - someone who had been thru a similar situation in her life - this bible study is a result of the things that she learned going thru her difficult times. I have to admit, as I went thru it I discovered that, not only am I not the only one who has had thoughts of suicide, and depression to go along with it, but God is there to help and guide us out. God has been here with me thru this entire time of dealing with this crap. He had guided me to the right people to help me to navigate thru this depression and away from the strong desire and intent on committing suicide. I have even made past a couple of other times when I was just getting "panicked" I guess and was seriously considering admitting myself to the mental hospital. You have no idea just how much these people, who have helped and guided me, truly mean to me because I am still alive.
I totally encourage everyone who is dealing with depression and thoughts and even strong intents of suicide, to please get help. Talk to someone you know and trust and hopefully they will get you the help you need. Also, anyone who knows someone that is becoming different that they used to be, maybe trying to keep themselves isolated, maybe they have tried talking to you about something and you blew it off not thinking about what was being said. Please, Please don't blow off someone who is talking about "ending it all" in some way get them help. Even their regular doctor should be able to guide you to a mental health dept. or agency to get your friend the help they need. It is totally possible to make it past all the garbage that brought you to this dark place in your life.
I have had many low points since successfully avoiding suicide, even as recent as last friday including the whole of last week. I haven't experienced anything as low as I was almost 2 years ago.
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