Such a trying time.........

8/7/16 -- I know it's been a while since my last entry.  There are times that I just don't know what to say or I would rather be distracted then write.  I know that I should be that way but there is so much that I am still working thru, battling with then there is work.....
I have to admit that is job is the most trying job I have ever had......that includes the 10yrs of working in a retail job...even working for a woman who had been the most difficult person that I had ever worked for, yet I respected her.  I guess maybe what makes this job is stinkin' difficult is the fact that I have so much "crap" to deal with myself and this woman most definitely has enough baggage of the both of us.
  Lets see, at my counseling sessions we have been digging into the feelings that I haven't allowed myself to feel or deal with in a long, long time - like some 25+ years.  Also, something that I recently remembered is; that I decided that I was sick and tired of crying/feeling so I just stopped.  I really haven't shed a tear over anything in my sessions since January.  I have discovered that really isn't such a good thing because then I am not only not crying but not allowing myself to feel which means that I am not properly dealing my feelings and issues.  By not allowing those tears and feelings to show I am actually holding myself back, staying is this "stuck" place unable to move on and past this to getting to the point of being ok enough with the situation that I can move on in the healing process.
  I have felt so disconnected from the people/the mom and her children that I have been helping out and other aspects of my job and that is so unlike me.  There as been so much that I have had to deal with in my own life, to contend with, that I just can't handle the "baggage" that this family has, especially the mom.  However, I have given both my "burden" and that of this family over to Jesus Christ because His "burden is easy and His yoke is light."  The is a quote from the Bible, not sure exactly where, at this point.  If I don't do that then I will not "nuts" because this family's dynamic is so strange that I just can't handle, I literally get a headache that will take me down for the count, for a day.
  I had just begun to deal with the fact that I am angry over somethings regarding how stuff was handled concern my son, when this woman drops a "bombshell" on me.  Now, mind you, we have become friends and she has been confiding in me over the last several months, but the last couple of weeks, I could tell that something wasn't right because she stopped talking to me, other than the niceties.  I mean literally, after I walked in the door she would beat it upstairs.  We had, had a discussion the week prior that she could be pregnant, which she then told me after getting "tested" that she wasn't that is was the medication that was messing with her body.