Heavy Heart

9/4/16 -- I start this blog off with a very heavy heart.  The nurse, that took care of my friend for 4 months while she was dying of cancer, took her own life.  This nurse had retired immediately after my friend died because she husband died just 3 days prior and she had inadvertently gotten too close to my friend.  Nurse aren't supposed to do that, so they can keep a proper perspective on treating their patients.   Anyway, the nurse and I kept in contact with each other via text and i was trying to help her work thru this loss but it was just too much for her, apparently because she overdosed on pills, drove herself to the hospital, and was texting me. Her last text to me was telling me that she couldn't breath, I knew that she had done something when she wouldn't tell me why she was going to the hospital.  The hardest this out of all this is the fact that I could have done something if I had know specifically where she was but all I knew was her home address, which she wasn't living at home, she was in a hotel.  So, I couldn't call the police in that city to have them do a well check.  There is 500+ miles between us and I couldn't see any of her signals that she had to have been displaying concerning her intentions.
  I have been where she was but I was fearful of my thought and intentions of suicide so I reached out and got the help I needed and wanted.  This woman just couldn't make the call so she took the easy way out.  I have been recently told that taking the steps that I took, took courage and strength.
  Please, please if you know anyone who is NOT dealing with a recent death very well - grief can easily lead to depression - so please pay attention to your spouses, friends, and siblings when a death occurs to someone you know or even to yourself.  Please, please don't try to get into a grief support group or get professional help, don't let yourself try to manage it on your own.  I know from experience that you cannot deal with grief or depression on your own.  
  My nurse friend made it to the hospital and inside before she collapsed-the docs got to her as she was coding.  She never recovered.  Altho, the nurse taking care of my nurse friend, found an envelop with my name on it, as she was gather up her things for her brother to pick up.  The envelop will be sent to me, on tuesday. 
  This just re-inforces the fact that depression is absolutely nothing to mess with.  If you see anyone you know that is depressed pleased don't tell them to "put your big boy/girl pants on and move on" it seriously isn't that easy.  They need help, get them to get help and don't let up even if you have to be the one to make the call or put them in your car and physically take them to get help.  Also, please don't ignore anyone who is trying to reach out, they may not be doing it in an obvious way, or they could be making plans that could be indicating that the are planning on taking their own lives.  There are suicide hotlines, and websites that can are very helpful and they even have resources that can point you in the right direction for help, but they do talk to you and hopefully successfully talk anyone out of taking their lives.