It Helps To Talk

9/14/16 -- It really does help to talk things out.  I mean really, there are times that I find myself talking out loud to myself/to God, either way, talking things out loud to yourself or to a human being is truly helpful.
  As I was working thru the hardest part of the suicide of a nurse friend, I found myself unable to sleep for a good couple of hours, last Sunday night. (1 1/2 week ago)  I ended up getting out of bed and reading a couple of little books, on top of the Bible; then I found myself talking out loud.  I was having a (technically) a once sided conversation with God.  I just laid out everything that was on my mind and heart and along with reading His Word, I was able to give him the burden of all that I was feeling.  The suicide still doesn't completely make sense but I am able to move past that unanswerable question, and just grieve the death of my friends.  
  I asked my Counselor if I will be able to completely put depression behind me or will it always be something that kinda hangs out in the fringes, just waiting to overtake me again?  In short, he believes that I can put it completely behind me, the choice really  is up to me.  He gave me the difference between sadness and depression; making sure that I understand that sadness, if left unchecked can lead back to depression.  However, I have a motivation(fear)to not go back that direction plus I do have the tools given by my Counselors and I have a much stronger faith in God, that I WILL NOT go back down the path of depression.
  I firmly believe that depression is something that can be completely overcome, never to go back to that darkness, again.  I believe that it truly is a decision that you, yourself have to make.  No one can make that decision for you.  I strongly encourage counseling and medications if needed, counseling most definitely is helpful, as long as you allow it to me.  You have to be strong and courageous to move out of the darkness and into the light that is enjoying life, and happiness.  Now granted I am not completely there yet, to be honest, that scares me because I have been in the dark for so long that I have forgotten what light feels like.  I have forgotten what it feels like to enjoy doing anything.  I am gradually getting there, tho.
  My passion is baking/cooking and I am slowly getting my desire and zeal back for baking and cooking.  I have enjoyed baking and sharing what I have baked, the same goes for cooking.  I have lost that passion the last couple of years, but it is coming back. Also, there is one "crafty" thing that I like doing but had lost the desire to do it.  However, over the last couple of weeks, I have noticed that I am wanting to get back to it. Altho, I think I will start off with doing something for myself, over that last couple of years, I managed to make a couple of wedding gifts for others, it my turn to make something for myself.