"SHOULDERS"
When confusion's my companion
And despair hold me of ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that Your are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
'Cause I know that You are near
My help comes from You
You're right here from You
You're right hear, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness,
my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're
lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness,
my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're
lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from you
Don't have to see, 'cause I know,
'cause I know it's true
My help is from You
Don't have to see it to believe it
My help is from you
Don't have to see it, 'cause I know
'cause I know it's true
This song has become the "theme" I guess you could say, of the difficult season of my life. The season of deep. dark, close to suicide that I was. This song really helps me to see that God has always been with me. God even carried me on His shoulders thru my weakness, sickness and most importantly thru my brokenness. The beginning of this song starts with a scripture that is very familiar to me and it is Psalms 121:1-2. I have really come to realize that all that darkness that I went thru will be used to help others, whether is thru this blog or those that I interact with on a daily basis.
I have had some really good progress concerning my son. I let him know that I am seeing someone and pretty much started a conversation that started off ok, but didn't end as well as I would have liked. I did however gathered something that I didn't know: That is that he wants to hear me say, "I want to reconcile." I left him a couple of messages letting him know that I want to reconcile and after one of the messages he quickly responded. He wants to reconcile too but he isn't quick sure how to go about it. Neither do I but I did suggest that we get together and that I am willing to come to him.
So, some progress is better than nothing, after all this time. I have to keep restrained tho because I absolutely don't want to push him into anything that he is quite ready for. Also, I want him and my daughter in-law to be on the same page.
Please remember that even tho God has been my lifeline, I am, by no means, preaching to anyone. The one thing that I want to get across here is there is light at the end of that deep dark tunnel, hole whatever you refer to it. Please, Please get help. Call your regular doctor and he/she should refer you to their "behavioral health" department or the equivalent. The counseling that I received was awesome. The main this is that I was able to talk, allow them to give me ways to cope with all that I was feeling. They didn't not hypnotize, drop or insist that all the crap I was dealing with was anyone else fault. Thanks to help that I received from my counselors, my carefully selected friends who prayed for and allowed me to hang with them and talk. I have successfully made it thru, Yes I believe that God seriously help me but if you don't believe in God then please don't think me as forcing you to believe anything that you don't want to believe in. Just know it is completely possible to completely recover from wanting to commit suicide and deep depression.
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