7/24/15 -- Don't get me wrong, I am not thinking of "committing suicide" it is just that I just don't know how to deal with my emotions or this headache anymore. Right now, I don't have any one, really, to talk to. I have so much bottled up right now, so many things that I want to talk to someone about stuff but I have no one to really talk to til my session with my Counselor on Tuesday. I have, however, thought about getting in my car and driving til I can't drive anymore. I really wish I could go on a vacation, somewhere that I haven't been before, where no one knows me. I want to just hide from all this crap! I wish I could hide from all this emotional ups and downs. Heck I even wish, at times, that I could become a hard hearted person that doesn't care about stuff, but I know that isn't a good thing in the long run. In reality that isn't what I really want. I don't want to be hard hearted. I do want to feel all the emotions no matter how hard they are, I just don't like it.
I haven't been so emotional for so long, not during my divorce. My ex-husband was a two-timing abusive jerk that hurt me in ways that I had never imagined yet this thing with my son is so much more deep, and emotional. The ups and downs are more emotional than ever; not only that but I have a string of decent days then all of a sudden a string of, less than decent days come along.
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