Today's Session

6/8/16 -- Today's session with my Counselor, was very interesting.  I started right off with telling him about the $400 a week job that I thought I had, turned out to be a scam.  Told him how I figured it out and reassured him that I didn't cash the check that was sent to me.  
  I informed him about the 3 day weekend away - how relaxing and uneventful it was.  I told him that it was absolutely great that I didn't have to do anything.  I slept a lot during that weekend, it was weird but great at the same time.  I don't normally sleep that much unless I have a headache, depressed, or sick and I was neither of those.  I must be getting old, or something, because sleeping comes a heck of a lot easier than it used to, for me.  I had been having a difficult time sleeping the prior two weeks so I guess I caught up on my sleep.  I have noticed that I am sleeping til my alarm goes off, or wait a minute, I have been forgetting to turn my alarms on, yet I have been getting up at around 5:30ish; with the help of my four legged, furry alarm clocks. Hahahahaha.
  I then went into the situation with my employer's fiancee and how she ended up in the Mental hospital for the last week or so.  I told him that I was leery  and even a little fearful of having to deal with her again. "J" her fiancee (my employer) went to pick her up from the mental hospital, last night, after the graduation ceremony of his oldest son.  That was something that I wasn't looking forward too, because there was/is a part of me that is afraid that she could, inadvertently pull me back to where I have come from, after almost 2 years of fighting to get away from it.  My Counselor said that it was a good thing that I recognized that it was possible - he said that, in a way, mental instability is "contagious" but by me recognizing it means that I can deal with it properly and not going "there" if those types of thoughts were to come.
   My Counselor and I then moved onto another topic.  I clued him in on something that my mentor and I discussed the fact that I have a difficult time accepting encouragement, and such.  She asked if I had gotten any of that when I was growing up, to which I responded "no, not from my dad."  That could very well explain why I have clicked so well with my former Counselor and now the current one.  I gain more from the advice and suggestions, encouragement from those men than I do from women, in this situation.  Men come from a different emotional make up, as he put it (my counselor) they are wired differently.  Their emotions don't dictate how they react to things like we, as women do.  Anyway,  My Counselor, then he had this question, Is there a link with the way my dad and I don't have a relationship - didn't get any encouragement from him and the way that I don't have a relationship - not getting anything from him in the way for affirmation?  I don't remember the exact question but that is the "gist" of it, anyway.  We are at the end of our time so we didn't have time to venture into that topic, but he wants to meet with me next week to delve into it more.  He wants me to think about it - think about whether there is a link between my relationship with my dad and I and the relationship between my son and I.  When he posed that question - I was completely surprised and had zero answers for him because I hadn't thought about that.
   You see Counseling is very helpful because they do know how to pose questions that make you think.  They don't plant ideas in your head - their question are based on what you tell them, along with watching the expressions on your face while you relate a story or an experience.  My Counselor even told me that I am an "anomaly" because I do what they suggest, I do the work at home, they I am given or suggested to do.  I have not liked where I have been so I want to do whatever it takes to get out of the depression - heck I didn't like the thoughts of suicide that I had to the point that it scared me, when those thoughts come back they are still very alarming to me.  That fear is what got me to the Counseling center that I have been going to for almost 2 years.  If you don't like the depression - I can't understand anyone that enjoys being depressed - you have to recognize that you need help, you need to talk and allow the counselors to help you, open up because the good ones will help you navigate thru the emotional mess that you may or may not have or are at the moment you go to them.  Also, one of the most important things is that you have to do the homework they give you.  They are giving you different techniques to help when you between sessions and to get you back on solid ground to where you don't need the counseling any more.