New Development

2/7/15 -- I do apologize for not posting anything for a week, it is harder to do it during the week when I am working.  Now that I have my own laptop, I don't like using my boss's laptop and working on it from his place.
   I had a very overwhelming development on Wednesday. I had sent an email to the Pastor to find out from him what was going on with the my son and him. The last contact I had with him, he had a wrong number, and he was planning on doing a home visit to see about setting up meeting.  He responded right away telling me that they had a successful meeting and my son is willing to meet with me.
  I can't even begin to explain everything that I was feeling the moment I read that email.  When I read that email I was overwhelmed with a combination of many feelings. One feeling was relief, then fear, anger, and many, many others.  I ended up trembling at the end of the email because of the all the emotions I have and no way to release them.  The Pastor wanted to make sure that I would take responsibility for my part of the problem as they would. I responded with yes, again.  I requested that I be allowed to have a silent person with me for moral support.  I was so shaken and such a bundle of emotion all day and night on Wednesday that by the time AWANA was done, and my friend L was waiting beside me I just broke.  I literally broke down and cried and she let me cry on her shoulder.
    After getting all that emotion released I am feeling much better and can function and not dwell and think about all this stuff too much.  I have to not dwell and not think about all this because I would get wound up way too tight and I wouldn't be able to properly function.  I have so many people praying for me and this situation and even my son and family, and for me that is and has be oh so extremely important to me.  The prayer has been the only way that I have been able to get thru this mess.
   I have to honest, I still don't know if I am completely ready for this meeting.  I am kind of afraid of seeing my son for the first time since the day before Christmas, and my baby Granddaughter's birthday.  I have been doing pretty good tho because I haven't descended into the pit of depression.  I have been reaching out to my support people and expressing my needs for prayer and to my friends L and M and doing my crying and such which has been extremely helpful.  On the day of the initial email, I sent an email to my counsellor which really helped me to release my bundle of emotions as I really didn't have any other way to release them because I was working.