1/24/15 -- Well, what an interesting week I have had. 4 out of the 5 days I didn't work, again; still having issues with coughing/asthma and this non-working thing was working thing was wreaking havoc in the finances department. Also, I had like 3 doctors appointment in a row, one on Tuesday, and two on Wednesday. So, I was kinda glad I wasn't working just for the fact that I would have had to drive back and forth. The first appt was with my Psychiatrist, the second and thirst were with my pulmonary doctor and my counselor. The Psychiatrist was just an evaluation and med check, the pulmonary doctor was a follow up and I end walking out of that appt with a prescription for prednisone to take care of the inflammation in my lungs, to hopefully calm my asthma down, once and for all. The last appt, was with my counselor, J. B. that one I was actually looking forward to outside of getting some relief from my asthma issues.
I had some real emotional things come up that I am very thankful that there is someone in my apartment complex that I could go to and cry, get a hug from, and talk for a while. Tuesday, about mid afternoon, pretty much right before my appt with my Psychiatrist, I had to address the "pile crap" and I really don't like going there. I had sent an email on Monday to the Youth Pastor concerning introducing a third party into our situation. The situation between my son and I. Anyway, the Youth Pastor had responded to that email and I wasn't completely satisfied with what he responded with because I felt that he was misunderstanding where I was coming from by introducing someone new into the situation, in the event that the Pastor is unsuccessful in getting my son to meet with him and eventually with me. As I was typing out my response to his response I was typing thru tears and the "mom" in my was welling up in me to the point that I was actually thinking more about how this affecting my son than myself. It was just overwhelming, the thing is I just can't doing anything about it! That is something that I am reminded of over and over and that absolutely drives me crazy! We as moms want to "fix" everything that has to do with our children our even our spouses or friends and it drives us nuts when something is totally out of our control. It seemed like I was seeing more of how my son's refusal to recognize and address the issues that he needs to be addressing could be affecting more that he thinks. The thing that bothers me the most is, he should know better because of the things that he has experienced, at least I would have thought so, anyway.
My Psychiatrist is actually feelings that I have vastly improved since October of last year. I happen to agree with her. I do feel much better and I am not dwelling in the "pile of crap" any more. I do have to address it once in a while but I don't go there and hang out there for toooooo long of a time. I don't think about suicide anymore, however there has been a time when I have gone there and that was during a conversation with my counsellor other than that I don't. I don't even really feel like I hang out in the depression department too much anymore. There are times tho where that is a battle so I haven't really conquered that, but we are getting there. She did have me schedule more appts. with my counsellor so that is what I did.
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