1/16/15 -- Well I got to work the last 3 days, yay!!! Yesterday was only for one hour but he paid for the whole day. Yet, I was exhausted because I only got 4-5 hours sleep Wednesday night due to an emergency call from the Youth Pastor needing me to come and stay with 4 of their girls, while they took the baby to the ER and the 2 yr old boy with to be checked out as well. I don't mind tho because I would do anything for them and my own family so I have decided to start leaving my phone on all night but it is set up to only receive calls from the Youth Pastor and wife, my son and daughter in-law, my mom, and my daughter in-law's mom. I decided that I need to be reachable in emergencies for these people, only a couple of these people don't know that I am leaving my phone on at night, yet. They soon will.
I have this whole day off so I suppose I will do something constructive, like clean and shop a little, don't need too much, thankfully. This really sucks, not having work, for more than one reason. It sucks for the emotional reason and because it really hurts the finances. I did ask the church for some help for the electric bill and the cable, they said they would pay the electric bill the view the cable as a luxury. I understand that, I should have known that. I should have asked them to help me with my cell bill. Oh well. That way I can spend some time with the second oldest daughter of the Youth Pastor and we can bake.
I find that it is still a struggle to maintain an even keel emotionally. This whole lack of work over the holiday season plus a week and then some. My boss had work for himself this week that is how we were working this week. I have plans on going to different town and donating plasma for two reasons, one it's to help people and two they actually pay when you give plasma. My thought process is to do that like once a month so that I can help others and earn some extra money to help myself stay above "water" so to speak. I also want to try to prepare for the end of the year by making an attempt at setting money aside for rent for and other expenses so that the two weeks of the holidays aren't such a pain financially especially if it goes into a 3rd week. I am just so tired to not having enough money to do more than just tithing and paying bills, not that I want to go spend happy but I want to be able to bless a ministry once in awhile.
Then there is the whole issue with my son which has yet to be resolved. There are times where I am so tired of waiting for the Pastor to do something that I just want to scream! Yet, I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do. The only thing I can do is pray and rest in God that He knows what He's doing and when it'll all come to a resolution. I tell you depression really sucks but all you can do is keep plugging away and move on with living your life to the very best of your ability. Living is still better than dying before your time. The ramifications of dying before your time, are just wrong. They negatively effect every one around you; I have seen statistics to that effect. I truly believe that none of use really want to die even tho death is the only route that we see at the time we are in depth of the pain.
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