Counselor visits and Current Day

12/17/14 -- [sept.-oct.] - My trips to the counselor are always entertaining.  He starts of with a video from his laptop to make me laugh, or he ends with a video to make me laugh.  He is always interested what I am doing to help myself to do better.  The man is great a catching subtle changes in my facial expressions.  Whenever he sees a change he stops me and wants to know what I am thinking at the moment of the change.  So, then I have to back up and explain, of course then he takes me down a road that I never intended to go.  Usually, I end up in tears, which is fine because it's necessary that he makes connections that I didn't think to make.  Those connections help him and myself to understand more of why I am the way I am and/or why I responded the I did to what my son has done.
  In one of our sessions, I asked J why this rejection hurt so much more than when his dad rejected me?  Basically, he put it this way. "You carried him for nine months, you took care of him for twenty years, you can't get much closer than that."  That is very true.  When you are that close to someone the rejection hurts that much worse.
    12-23-14 - current day- I have been layed off and so without a laptop which makes (I had been making use of my bosses laptop while coaching his son thru school time)typing a challenge, not impossible with an iPad. Plus, I have been very focused on getting Christmas gifts made for my older granddaughters, even tho I don't know for sure that I will be able to give them to them let alone see them open them, in person.  Today, I received a gift to myself.  A result of probably doing something a little on the stupid side, by stretching my budget a smidgen too far; at this particular time.  This is just any laptop either, my son would be proud of my, if he knew what kind of laptop I currently have.  It was everything I could do to put this down to resume working on my gifts.  Not only that but I have been battling a stupid cough, something way more than asthma, something going on in my throat.  My ribs hurt with all this ridiculous coughing I have been doing.  Anyway.
   This is the first time that this time of year is something that I am not sure whether I am looking forward to or not.  Quite a few people I know a pretty sick, including my daughter in-law.  It almost sounds like Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate, should be cancelled or rescheduled til everyone is heathy.  Even the Pastor fell sick the middle of last week and is still pretty sick.