Human reality - yet hurt

12/30/14 -- Well a trip to the doctor and an anti-biotic later and I am starting to feel so much better, finally.  I received an email from friend M, last night that had a link to another blog which was very enlightening to me.  A much needed reminder that I needed.  People cannot be there 24/7 for us like we want them to be, so we really need to not put them in a place where they are the only ones that can fulfill needs we have.  I know, I know that is easier said that done. I am speaking to myself here, as over the last several days I have been battling the "pity party".  
      I spoke to someone yesterday, on my way out of the clinic, he is employed by the clinic but was off and had taken his 4 children to the doctor for checkups, he said that there were a lot of people in the hospital with the flu and pneumonia and such illnesses.
     I have thought about what that blog said after I went and read it.  I added to to my reading list, on my blog.  This particular blog is bible based and I definitely needed the reminder.  God is the only One who can truly fulfill my hearts desires and holes.  My only issues with this is that He isn't human and can't sit on the couch and embrace an physically sit next to me, cuddle me or anything like that.  That being said He is still the One and Only that can fulfill all my needs.  For those of you who may be reading this and don't believe in God or anything remotely close, I am sorry.  Yet, you must believe in something or someone. 
      In my opinion and experience both recent and past, people let us down simply because they are human beings.  The closer they are to you, the more and deeper the hurt is when they do let you down or reject you.  One thing that I have recently learned again, is that we, as moms shouldn't (we do, so easily) find our identity in our children. {even our spouses}  When I was married to my son's dad, and then went thru the whole recovering from the divorce thing, I totally realize just how much I had lost my identity in him.  I couldn't believe that someone that professed to love me as much as he did could hurt me like he did and in the way he did.  I was so blind and inexperienced about men and life outside my parents house.  My parents really didn't do much to help me to teach me about men or life in the arena plus as teenager I growing up in my parents home it was hard. That is another story for another time.  Anyway,  here I am with a 3 year old boy to raise alone, and no time to make and real educated decisions.  Heck, I didn't even have to time to deal with his betrayal or accusations, I had a child to raise, he needed me more than this idiot, I use that term loosely, I didn't view him in that way then. I still loved him but I had our son to raise.
I had to make hard decisions and because of the reality of the situation and of what had happened, he had actually told me the truth, 3 weeks prior.  He was arrested, and in jail, I had no choice in the decisions I was faced with.  More later.