Being a Suicide Survivor - Dealing with Depression

11/12/14 -- Boy, I don't know about anybody else but I didn't want to get up this morning. I was nice and toasty warm in my bed, with clean sheets and a warm comforter on my bed.
   Ok, so now it is the 11th of July and I am talking to the triage nurse, on the phone, she is asking me questions about me state of mind and whether I had a method and a means to carry out the task of suicide. I did have a method but I was afraid of the weekend because I wasn't sure of being alone even though I knew that I wouldn't do anything stupid with anything that I had at home, but the drive home is what I was most concerned about.  So the nurse made an appointment for me that evening with the Psychiatrist, even though there was am miss-communication on the time, I was grateful that I was able to get in.  Although, I was also encouraged to get into the emergency room if I couldn't trust myself over the course of the weekend.  Also, during the course of the week, I reached out to a friend, who moved to Janesville, a couple of years ago, and I let her know what was going on with me.  Needless to say she was shocked.  We conversed back and forth via email that whole week and by Friday, at home she had asked for me cell number again so she could call me.
    I suppose I should go into some of the difficult things that lead to all of this stuff.  You see;  I raised my son alone, and we were pretty close.  I would go so far as to say that I was pretty blessed to have a closeness with my son that most single women raising young men don't get.  I did the best I could to raise him with a good Godly background and despite a few bumps along the way he turned out pretty darn good.  He spent two years in YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in LA)  A Youth Pastor at the Local Bible Church was very instrumental in my son's life in that particular stage.  I was (still am) very proud of my son yet the very young man that I raised is the the one that has totally rejected me not long after meeting, getting engaged then marrying his now wife.
   I also believe that I had some emotional instability that quite possibly was hormonal going on even though that never came out in any testing that was done, but given my age I guess I am pre menopausal which means that my hormones are changing so there were a lot of things going on.  Apparently, I was also dealing with depression still, something that I was diagnosed with during the time I was jobless, which was, close to, 2 year, period.  Dr. G put me on an anti-deppressant which ended up being temporary because not long after that I got a job, which helped greatly.  I had not taken the anti depressant for quite a long time just because I didn't need it anymore.