Some Thoughts About All This

11/12/14 -- I have to say that as I was clawing my way out of the desire to kill myself which was the deepest I have ever been down the hole of depression that I have ever gotten, I never want to go there again!  The first time I ever experienced depression was when I was in the second year of not having a job and my son was due home from YWAM.  I can totally understand how a man can loose his sense of manhood, I guess when he loses his job.  Working to support your family, or in my case, myself and soon my son, at least til he decided what exactly he was going to do.  Anyway, I called my doctor when I felt myself going into a dark hole, he prescribed an anti depressant.  Not long after that was prescribed I got a job.  After a while I was able to get off that drug, which made me happy.  I    I was doing ok in my walk with God, not the greatest, I thought pretty good.
  Anyway,  I used to think that depression was extreme sadness and that the people who were supposedly depressed just had to "put there adult panties on and move on!"  Well, Now that I have been in a place where suicide is all that I thought about and I thought was my only avenue out of an extremely painful situation, that I just couldn't cope with any more.  I can totally understand people who do end up taking their lives because they just don't see any other way out.  The real sad thing is that people who take their lives don't feel they have others who are close enough to them or even comfortable with a doctor, nurse a school, teacher or somebody that they can say, hey I am really struggling with these thoughts of suicide, seriously, so that somebody can get them some help.  When I was having those thoughts I reached out to my doctor who got me the help I needed, they in turn made sure that I knew that I could go to the ER if for some reason I was really struggling at home.  Let me tell you there were a few times that I thought about it a time or two, but by that time my pastor was involved and I was able to call him, which I did, or I called a friend or two.
  I never thought in a million years I would be in a place where I would want to kill myself, I am still amazed that I ever got that low.  God really had something to teach me in all of this, boy has he been teaching me too.  As I continue with this journey you will see all that God showed me.