Continuing the piece pick up

11/18/14 -- [The week of 7/13/14] I do have my journal now to help me remember things that happened during the week after my first ever melt down.  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are kind of a blur, I just really remember going to work everyday struggling to make thru work.  My boss really had no idea what was doing on.  I put on a real good show that all was ok.  Thankfully I didn't have to deal with schooling the child yet, but I was giving him a 2 hr a day break from his electronics that he would play on from the moment he woke up in the morning til break time in the afternoon.  So, I would take a, sort of, siesta, while the child was down in the basement playing with all his other toys.  This child is 9 and I could still hear everything that was going on, I was always still completely aware of what was going on and where he was at all times.  

     I do remember an email exchange with the Pastor that was setting up a meeting that at first was suppose to be the Pastor, myself the other Pastor, my son and his wife but my son back out, so it ended up going to be me and the two Pastors, on the same day as my first counseling session with Dr. J. B.  which was to be Thursday.

     My reason for getting up everyday was work.  I really enjoy taking care of this child.  Even tho my true passion is littler ones, I do enjoy helping his dad take care of him while he is at work.  The drive home was always the challenge, outside of driving to work tired and struggling to stay awake because of the lack of a solid night of sleep. The drive home I was still plagued with thoughts of driving into semis, yet that desire wasn't as strong because I knew that people are poised and ready to help me and they truly care.

     I was really struggling with figuring out simple things like what to eat for lunches at work, and suppers at home.  I really didn't care about whether my apt was clean or not.  I was even struggling with reading my bible everyday.  The one thing the I really enjoy is journaling,  I was having a difficult time writing in my journal, which was definitely not a normal thing for me, but wasn't ,much I could do about it.  When you can't write, you can't write. 

   I do also emailing my friend M back and forth, she was a constant source of encouragement as was my friend L, we texted quite frequently and she started having me out to her place for dinner, after work, on a regular basis.   She actually felt bad that we had fallen out of touch due to the business of the her work and the summer's activities.  I did feel quite alone 

   When I got home at night I would do whatever for supper then watch Mythbusters til it was time for bed.  Go to bed and wake up the next day and start the cycle all over again.  It was just an over all struggle to get thru each and every day.  When it got close to the weekend that was the worst.